Resolve
by Zaskaea
Summary: It was an odd kind of similarity, like two shattered mirrors; the same state, only with a different pattern. They both knew they were false & they were both determined to work each other out. However, first they had to beat the pain of reality. Yullen AU
1. Chapter 1: Storeroom

Hello!

This is only my second fanfic... blegh. I thought I'd go for DGM, and I just had this idea that wouldn't leave me alone. *Shoots annoying plot-bunnies* Anyway, I soon realised that this would be kinda angsty, and I'll admit that as soon as I started typing I had no idea what I was even writing about. That's why I hope it isn't too bad; I always take a while to get into the swing of things. This will be a multi-chapter story, although I've never written a story from start to finish before. I think of this as a kind of challenge, and once again I hope everyone is IC and it's not boring.

BTW! Anyone who reviewed my last story... OMG. I now know how it feels to get nice reviews. It's wonderful knowing people appreciate your work, thanks so much people! xx

**DISCLAIMER: DOES NOT OWN -MAN, DAMMIT. **

So! Here goes!

* * *

After undergoing a traumatic experience of some kind, people would have a reaction. Some strong ones believed they could shake off their initial shock and forget, but the experience would always be there to haunt their troubled dreams.

Some people wore their pain on their sleeve only to break, weighed down by their emotions and finally shattering like a glass shelf with too great a load.

Some others became violent, feeling the need to let every other person know about their pain, share their feelings to an extreme level.

Some people simply withdrew from everything, becoming fearful; talking to nobody, and needing time to re-adjust to the frightening world.

However… In the end… It all depended on what had really happened to you.

Allen Walker didn't really know which category he fitted in. He just guessed he was handling it in his own way.

Allen Walker. A healthy eight-year old. Mousy brown hair and radiant, steel grey eyes. Skinny, but well fed. A smile like no other child.

Allen Walker. A lost fifteen-year old. Achromatic hair and blank, murky grey eyes. Skinny, and starving for nourishment. A seemingly permanent poker face.

Marian Cross was not a happy man. If people were going to die, could they at least go peacefully, without tossing their now orphaned relatives onto his damn doorstep? Seriously. This kid looked like a piece of shit.

"Don't leave any of your fucking bags in my hallway, now get the fuck upstairs." Cross ripped his cigarette from his teeth and crushed it against the wall, efficiently putting it out. The pathetic creature before him bowed his head slightly before grabbing the handles of the only two bags he'd brought and slowly began to pace up the stairs.

"And one other thing." Cross stepped out into the middle of the hallway, scratching his bearded chin harshly. "Don't fucking disturb me either."

To Allen, the past five months were a complete blur. They had passed far too quickly for him to comprehend; one moment he had been spending each day with every child's dream of a parent and now… well, this man was the very definition of unsociable.

He'd never known his real parents, but it had never really bothered him too much. Mana had been all he needed, the adoptive father he'd had for as long as he could remember. Even when the man had been busy with his work, he'd always found time for his 'son', and a deep level of trust and respect had run between them, giving no space for but a single argument.

It's funny, Allen thought, just how quickly the beautiful things disappear… when the things that hurt you just refuse to leave.

Limping down the hallway under the weight of his backpack, the fatigued teen quickly spotted the door at the end of the hallway that must be his. It had two glass panes set into its top half, one of them cracked as if a heavy object had collided with it. The paint on it was a disgusting, dirty turquoise, and awfully cracked.

It was immediately clear to Allen that this was no normal room. Oh, no, of course not. It was a storeroom.

Pushing the door open to its fullest extent with his foot, Allen observed his new home with a sad gaze. It was simply a square space with one side of the ceiling sloping gently inwards. A damaged light bulb hung from it by only a wire.

Piles and piles of junk were littered before him; old lampshades, garden chairs, smashed alcohol bottles, a broken stereo, what looked like a broken shelf and a stained mattress. The wallpaper's pattern was no longer recognisable, and it peeled off the wall everywhere. Where the wall was exposed, a shocking coat of old pink paint was identifiable.

A single, curtain-less window illuminated the mess, allowing warm rays of sunlight to reflect off the scattered glass shards, making them appear like colourful crystals among the mess. The sight of them was almost refreshing.

Allen sighed to himself. If he'd thought Cross didn't care before, this indicated that the man respected Allen no more than any of the junk in this tiny space. So be it. It was better than a home, wasn't it?

The boy haphazardly tossed his bags onto the disgusting mattress as he contemplated the stains. They looked like coffee, but then he couldn't be sure. He'd have to get himself a bed sheet of some kind. He wanted his fleece blanket for covering.

Not to be distracted by the intense volley of swearing coming from downstairs, Allen managed to pull one of the cheap plastic chairs from the smashed shelf and set it on the floor, having to kick away quite a bit off junk before it stood. Letting himself drop onto the hard seat, Allen took a few moments to simply stare at the wall.

What on Earth was happening?

It was always this way, Allen realised. Suddenly I'd find myself in a crazy situation, not knowing how the hell I got here, but then Mana would always be there to drag me out. A small smile graced the whitehead's lips. That man had gone through so much trouble just to make sure he was alright. It had felt nice, knowing that someone was there for him, cheesy as it sounded.

Now, where was everyone?

Not even his old school friends were here. All that was left of them was a list of numbers, appearing sadly hopeless as they were scrolled over.

Allen just stared at the phone screen vacantly. Text after text after text awaited him.

_Allen? Where r u?_

_OMG allen what happened?_

_Man where u go? You jus went on thurs. & neva came back!_

_Al?_

_Allen, pls txt back 1nce u get this_

He couldn't. He couldn't even hit the right keys, his hands were shaking so hard. What would he tell them? That he lived half a country away now? That he was deformed? That he slept in a storeroom owned by an apparent alcoholic?

Burying his face in his hands, Allen let the phone drop onto his lap. He had no tears left to cry, and he felt awful for it.

Cross was the only relative he had left, Mana's unmarried cousin. The man had been wonderful in front of the social workers, perfectly acting out the role of a pleased guardian.

Later that night, he had taken the woman he'd mainly spoken to home with him.

Nothing else was said.

Why would he have acted like that? Why would he suddenly turn like this as soon as he had Allen in the car? It made no sense. Nothing did. He had been hit within ten minutes of meeting Cross. He'd thrown up onto the man's car seats.

The sight of a minor dent in the open door had done it for Allen. It had taken merely seconds.

The side of the vehicle had suddenly caved in with a mighty crash, destroying the driver's seat within seconds with the force of the crushing metal slamming into it; the steering wheel rolled onto the seat beside it as the rest of the car's interior was showered with knife-edged glass. Allen could see blood, so much blood… staining the material in a deep scarlet and spraying onto the shattering windows. Some must have hit him, too, because it poured down his face like a little river, dripping onto his lap and onto his trembling hands. Then the fire had begun, flowing through the car without hindrance, and the paralysed boy had, in his overwhelming terror, not even noticed the car was flipping over as it reached him…

"M-Mana-!" Allen had managed to choke out, before being violently sick on the dirty seat. He'd realised it then. Cars absolutely terrified him, no matter how much he thought he'd tried to forget. Lacking the ability to feel sympathy, Cross had hit him, tossed him some money for the train, and sworn to slap him senseless if it was not payed back by tomorrow. "That's fucking disgusting, you bet you're cleaning this shit!"

As soon as he stumbled out onto the pavement, Allen had cried his heart out before running all the way to the station.

* * *

The fridge hadn't been so hard to find. I must've fallen asleep, Allen thought wryly as he paced into the kitchen. He'd woken up with a blinding headache, and he'd had to dig right through his bag just to get to his aspirin. Also, the tap water tasted like someone had added washing up liquid to it. Taking a pill had never been so nasty.

The demon known as Cross was nowhere to be seen, and Allen wondered if he'd gone out while he slept. Or maybe he was just in the garden.

Allen pulled open the fridge door with a single, tough yank. The kitchen was a royal mess; if Cross had a dishwasher, he certainly didn't use it. Looking from the dirty dishes back to the fridge, Allen grimaced. Oh, er.

At least three-quarters of the fridge was jammed with beer cans and nothing else. All the rest of the food smelt kinda… weird. Allen blinked. Did this man seriously live off drink? Where was the food?

Abandoning the fridge, Allen decided that raiding the cupboards was next. When Allen Walker was hungry, he was _hungry_; no empty fridge was going to stop him from filling his stomach.

When the best the cupboards had to offer was a mouse-eaten pack of cereal bars, Allen decided that maybe he should go out and find a café or something. This house was completely devoid of food. Maybe Cross was one of those people who lived off Chinese. Standing up and tossing the pack into the already overflowing bin, Allen also made sure to pick up any leftover toast from the floor. He valued tidiness, and this place was already causing his slight OCD to poke through.

The glass shards in the storeroom were already all neatly packed into an empty box Allen had found, and the shelf planks were piled up neatly against the wall. That room couldn't stay a dump forever, not with Allen Walker inside.

Fetching his nearly empty purse from his 'room', Allen put on his summer jacket and pulled on his converses. Searching in his pockets for his gloves, he applied those too. Pulling his pocket comb through snow white locks and applying some concealer to the unsightly scar on his cheek, he deemed himself ready to go.

Knowing nothing about this town, Allen decided that he would first try to find the main street. Locking the door behind him with his spare key, he made his way down the path of the front garden and stepped out onto the pavement.

It was pleasantly warm, and he narrowed his eyes as the sun hit his face. The boy glanced quickly down at his watch; two-thirty. He couldn't have been asleep long, but it didn't matter; lunch was long overdue.

As if to strengthen the point, Allen's stomach made an embarrassingly loud protest. Raising his eyebrows at his belly, Allen proceeded to walk down the pavement.

The road wasn't that long, but Allen found it hard not to jump every time a car passed. He soon found himself walking right against the walls on the outside of the footpath, and stepped away slightly as he scraped a sole against the crumbly stone.

The end of the road opened to a crossing that seemed to be right at the top of the main road, and quite a few people were gathering there. Surprised at how close it was, Allen turned the corner and felt himself smile slightly at the sight of the shops. There were little gift stores, fancy boutiques, larger convenience stores and even some flower shops; it was a model high street. Quite a few people were out today, since it was Sunday, and children ran down the pavement with loud giggles as their parents lingered on front of the shop windows. There were obviously multiple cafes here, as one would expect, although one caught his eye. About fifty metres away was a cute little old fashioned sandwich bar, with pastel pink and green awning and neat flower boxes on the window sill. Painted onto the glass with gold paint was the word 'Miranda's', probably the name of the café. Finding the place looked quite inviting, Allen found a crossing and made sure he didn't look once at the cars as they stopped to let him over. At least he wasn't inside them.

Oh, God. Allen fought the oncoming nausea as he pressed his eyes shut.

Once on front of the chosen café, Allen filed through the contents of his purse with a grim look on his face. After having glanced at the menu (those sandwiches and cakes sounded absolutely fantastic) he knew that he couldn't afford much, as good as this place looked. Maybe he should just get some cheap instant noodles from the convenience store or something-

"Oh, hello! Can I help you?"

The teen looked up quickly to face a girl who appeared to be a waitress. Wearing a neat white summer dress with a frilly pink apron, she almost glowed in the sunlight. Her neat black hair was pulled back into twin ponytails, held back with dark blue hair-ties. On first glance, she appeared to be Chinese. Allen blinked. "Oh, um… I'm sorry. I was just browsing." He gave her a short smile, turning to leave. However, the girl seemed to have other plans.

"Are you new here? I haven't seen you around before, and not many people live here." The girl asked politely, cocking her head. Allen paused and shrugged shyly.

"Yeah… I'm new. I just moved here. I'm Allen Walker." He explained, and the girl's violet-tinted eyes lit up visibly as they shook hands. Before Allen could say any more, another woman appeared beside her. She wore the same pink apron with a dark, longer dress. Her brown curls moved lightly in the warm breeze as she clapped her hands together.

"You're new?" she gave Allen a welcoming smile. "My name is Miranda, and I own this café! I'd be honoured to offer you something, on the house."

Allen was stunned. These people were unbelievably gracious. "Honestly, you don't have to-"

"Oh, no, no! It would be a pleasure. Why don't you let Lenalee find you a table?"

Before he knew it, Allen was being ushered inside the little café by the Lenalee girl and was sat at a table across from another boy. Lenalee handed him a menu before he could see the other properly and winked at him. "Choose anything you like, Allen, I'll be back in a minute!" she called before moving to serve a couple of people who had gathered at the counter. Now that Allen looked around, this place was rather full.

Allen blinked. That had been… fast. "Judging by the way Lenalee was obsessing over you just now, you must be new 'round here, eh? I'm Lavi, and we're going to be best friends!"

Allen glanced down at the hand that had literally been thrust in his face, and then at the grinning redhead across the table. Slowly, he took the hand and was almost thrown onto the table by the force of the handshake. "Allen, huh? Wow, are you an albino? Your hair's kinda awesome!"

"Um, no, not really…" Allen composed himself and looked at his lively tablemate. The boy looked maybe a year or two older that him, and his wild red hair was barely restrained by a patterned green bandana. One of his eyes was covered by an eye patch, and the boy didn't fail to notice that Allen was staring a bit. "Like it? Makes me look like a pirate, doesn't it? So, guess what! _That_ means that because Lavi wears an eye patch, pirates own ninjas any day!"

Allen stared further. How was he meant to answer to that, when he'd been preparing a frantic apology for staring at the eye covering like he had? In the end, he just smiled politely. "I guess so."

"Well then! As I said, I'm Lavi, and you've already met Lenalee. She's my awesomely hot girlfriend. I'd love to rant on about her overwhelming sexiness but there's always the danger of her brother hearing me and… yeah. So..."

Allen decided not to ask about that. "I come here a lot." Lavi continued, stacking the salt pot on top of the pepper pot. "This café is quite popular with the people so you'll always find us here, fighting for a table. This village is pretty small too, so you get to know almost everyone fast enough. Oh, Allen! You're going to school locally, aren't you?"

Wow, Lavi sure liked to talk. "Um, I think so. I mean, that'd be most likely." The boy replied, trying not to sound awkward. Allen had by now decided that he was going to take a bit of everything in the menu's sandwich section. They all sounded too good to choose from. "My guardian never told me."

Lavi looked up from his own menu, resting his head on his hand. "Your guardian?" Then he frowned shortly, growing sombre. "If you're… y'know… I'm really sorry."

Allen smiled sadly, suddenly feeling a bit choked up. "I-it's ok." He said quickly, breathing deeply to avoid hiccupping. Sensing the awkwardness, Lavi tried to veer off the subject.

"So, um, your guardian. Who is it?"

Allen swallowed and fell silent. He'd not really wanted to think about Cross, not while he was feeling alright for once. "You know Cross Marian?"

Lavi paled visibly. "Oh, uh. Well. Never thought he'd be one to, y'know, live with someone else. He's pretty much the town's famous player. You'd be hard pressed to find a woman that hasn't spent a night at his before."

This time it was Allen who blanched. "He…"

"Yup."

"Oh."

"Yeah…"

"Right, guys! Ready to order?" Both boys faced Lenalee hurriedly, and Allen was trying hard not to blush. He realised just how embarrassing it was to be living with Cross now that he knew about… whatever.

"Yes, please." Allen managed, pointing at his menu. Lenalee simply looked awestruck as the whitehead proceeded to list off every sandwich on the menu before setting it down at the table with a serene expression. Lavi's jaw almost hit the table.

"Wow… someone's hungry."

Lenalee was still scribbling frantically on her notepad when Allen politely added, "And some tea, please. Two sugars."

Lenalee laughed then. "You sure have a healthy appetite. We'll be as fast as we can. What can I get you, Lavi?"

"I should be getting this myself honey, really." The redhead grinned cheesily, and Lenalee shook her head in false despair. "I'd like a humungous slice of chocolate cake and some coke, pretty-please?"

"Aha… seriously, Lavi. If you keep eating sugary things like this, either your teeth will drop out or you'll be too large to fit through the door."

Lavi scratched the back of his head with a laugh. "Yeah, but you'd still love me anyway, right?"

Lenalee raised a delicate eyebrow and sighed. "That's Lavi for you." She explained, taking Allen's menu and then Lavi's. "Now, Allen, I'll have to test my speed-sandwich-making skills for this order."

Allen chuckled with her before she left, disappearing into the kitchen. Lavi just sat back in his chair and crossed his arms behind his head, staring after her wistfully.

Allen decided not to say anything once he realised what part of Lenalee's anatomy he'd been ogling at. "I'm the luckiest guy in the world." The older boy said seemingly to himself, and Allen couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"Sure, but I wonder how the poor girl actually puts up with you." He replied sassily. Lavi coughed loudly in false horror.

"Lol." He said, beginning to stack the salt and pepper pots again. "So you have a girlfriend too, Allen? Or no?"

That last part was clearly a challenge, and Allen felt himself blushing. "Well, actually… no. I've never had a girlfriend before."

Lavi almost fell out of his chair. "Oh!" he said brightly, once he'd recovered. "So you're gay?"

Allen's eyes widened. "Could you have said that any louder? And no, I'm not gay!"

"Bisexual then?"

"Oh for the love of- I give up!"

At that exact moment, Lenalee returned with the drinks. Seeing how Allen's forehead was planted onto the table, she shot Lavi a questioning look. "What did you say his time, Lavi? Stop making a bad impression on our visitors!"

On smelling his tea, Allen raised his head and shot the girl a grateful look before he took a sip. Lavi just grabbed his coke and downed half the bottle before Lenalee had even placed his glass on the table.

"Allen lives with Cross." Lavi blurted, and Lenalee visibly stiffened as Allen set down his cup.

"Lavi…"

"Allen lives with Cross? Oh, my… Are you related?" The Chinese girl asked carefully, and Allen rubbed his nose slowly.

"He's… he's the cousin of my adoptive father."

"Oh… alright."

"Don't tell anyone… I'm kinda embarrassed about it now."

"Honestly, Allen, I'm so sorry." Lenalee bit her lip as she pushed her tray under an arm. "It's not like you have to stay with that idiot all the time. We're always here for you, now we're officially friends!"

"Yeah," Lavi grinned. "So Allen, give me your number?"

Allen frowned for a second before he realised what Lavi was saying. "Oh, yeah, sure."

"You thought I was still on the 'Allen is gay' theory?" the redhead laughed, while Lenalee took on a confused expression. Scribbling on a napkin with a pen he'd fished out of his pocket, Allen jotted down his mobile number. "Here." He said, pushing it across the table.

Lavi took the napkin but stopped suddenly. "Do you have facebook?"

"No…" Allen was feeling more and more stupid by the minute. "No computer…"

"Oh, oh, that's ok. Just don't be freaked out when your phone spontaneously combusts as a result of the Lavi-text overload."

"What?"

* * *

Fifteen sandwiches and a great deal of Lavi-ramble later, Allen Walker made his way home. He was feeling oddly lucky today, and he'd just made some nice (but odd) friends after having felt like crap all morning.

Also, he'd just discovered the best café ever.

Allen hoped that he'd find Lavi and Lenalee quickly in school tomorrow. It would be far less awkward than having to walk into a classroom and not know anyone or ask random people where his next lesson was. He remembered experiencing that before, when he and Mana moved. It had been awful, and nobody would talk to him because of his accent.

Allen looked down at his pocket curiously as his old phone buzzed. Wondering dryly whether his new redhead friend was abusing his number already, he opened the text he'd received.

_HI! :D Lena's bro can give us a lift 2 skl 2moro, we'll pick u up at 8, yh?_

Allen grinned at the goofy face Lavi had added to his text and pressed 'reply'.

_Sorry Lavi, cars don't agree with me. It's ok, c ya 2moro! _:)

Allen felt slightly bad for refusing the offer, but if he was sick on the people he'd known for only about three hours he'd never be able to forgive himself. With that, the teen stuffed his phone back in his trouser pocket. Scanning the houses lining the pavement, he realised just how worn Cross' house appeared next to all the other neatly painted houses with their immaculate front gardens.

Did the man even have a job? Allen thought it might be better not to ask.

Drawing his keys out of his jacket, Allen pushed open the gate, only to stop when he noticed movement behind the thick hedge he stood beside.

There was someone in the neighbour's front garden.

Carefully stepping back a bit in order to see better, Allen's eyes widened.

…Definitely not from around here.

The boy cutting the hedge with massive shears was a great deal taller than Allen, and left the whitehead feeling slightly jealous. He wore a plain white dress-top that was already covered in grass stains, and it was rolled up at the sleeves to expose lean but muscular arms. His knee-length shorts were navy blue, and he was barefoot.

Long, jet black hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, and stray locks swished over the boy's straight nose every time he took a step. His black eyes were gently slanted, and Allen guessed that he was probably Japanese.

"What the fuck are you looking at?"

Allen jumped, not having realised that as he observed his neighbour, the boy had stopped to stare back. Retreating slightly, Allen raised his hands defensively. D-damn, that glare was freaky. "I-I'm sorry. I was just curious to see who you were; I'm your new neighbour."

"That's very fucking nice. Now get the fuck back in your house and tell the baka inside to stop tossing his fucking beer bottles onto our fucking lawn."

Allen was stunned into silence. He'd never heard the word 'fuck' being used so many times in two sentences, for Mana had been strongly against curse words of any kind. However, Allen thought, I seem to have been right about the Japanese. Although the boy barely had an accent, he'd had noticeable difficulty with the word 'lawn'; it had sounded closer to 'rawn' than anything else.

"M-my apologies." Allen tried to fight the stutter, but he could not deny that this boy had kinda scared the shits out of him. "Will do."

Allen thought he heard something like "Che" leave his neighbour's mouth before he turned and ran up the path to his front door, mind still spinning even as he shut it behind him.

* * *

Yes, Allen has a car phobia. Don't kill meeee...  
My gawsh. First chapter done. I wasn't planning on any Kanda-dialogue yet, but then... the characters began to write themselves. As usual with me. I'm such a weak writer...  
Anyway. This is more of a 'meet the characters' chapter than anything else, the real story will get going in the next chapter. Things to do with Allen will become clearer too, and this IS going to be a Yullen fic. So dw, I'm just trying to make this realistic. :)  
If you have feedback, I'll gladly hear it. Reviews are nice, but ya don't have to. Thankee!  
~Zaskaea


	2. Chapter 2: Acquaintance

Hello again! Heck, the first chapter was boring, and I hate this one too. This is one of the last happier chapters, in the next one I plan to make Allen suffer. Sorry Allen!  
Anyway, I had to introduce Kanda properly and explain Allen's impression of him. As many of you may have noticed, this fic contains CompleteAsshole!Cross. Lol Anyways.

**DISCLAIMER: DOES NOT OWN -MAN. *A girl can dream, though... ^-^***

Here we go then.

* * *

Allen Walker was blessed with an empty house until exactly nine thirty.

In the meantime, the boy had mentally told himself off for not having visited the convenience store earlier and run back up the road to pick up some basics. It had been a good thing to do, since his stomach never seemed to be fully satisfied. Only an hour after returning from the café, it had started whining at him again.

Allen had made do with a bowl of cornflakes and some lemonade as he began his epic search for Cross' TV remote, which seemed to be lost within the endless piles of garbage that his living room boasted.

Was there even a single room in this house that was tidy? …Probably not.

Finally settling for a cartoon channel, Allen took some time to relax while his new guardian was out. The TV was an ancient, tiny little thing with crappy speakers, but it was probably the best source of amusement in the whole house. Mana had always opted for more traditional types of entertainment, and Allen had grown up with simple games such as snakes and ladders, monopoly and poker. He'd never owned a console; the closest thing he had to that were the games on his phone.

Allen was almost falling asleep as he heard the door slam open, and he leapt off the sofa to hit the television's power button before Cross could accuse him of touching his property. Making a dash for the stairs, Allen froze in his path as he caught sight of his guardian.

Cross was not alone. As he stumbled into the hallway, spreading the scent of alcohol across the small space, the woman in his arms moaned wantonly as she was slammed into the wall. A small picture fell, its glass smashing as it impacted with the floor, yet it was ignored. Cross' hands were all over the girl, and he was relentless in his kissing as she gripped his arms yet tighter.

Allen's hand flew to his mouth. Oh my God.

Wanting to see no more, Allen shot up the stairs, almost tripping at the speed he was going. His face burnt red; he'd never seen something like that in his life. However, he knew exactly what came next, and he wanted nothing to do with it whatsoever.

Deciding that it would be wise to go to bed, Allen ran into the bathroom and slammed the door behind him, making sure it was locked. He just hoped that Cross and his… guest… would not be in need of this room. Sighing loudly, the boy flicked the light switch.

Looking into the dirty mirror and cursing his still present blush, Allen pulled off his jacket, and then his shirt. Standing on front of the mirror on his tiptoes, he carefully ran a gloved finger over the faint red marks scattered over his torso.

A million tiny daggers, tearing at his flesh and glittering as they doused themselves in his blood…

Allen breathed out heavily, reaching for the cream he had in his toiletry bag, stashed under the sink. He pulled off his right glove, and pouring a generous amount of the white paste onto his hand, he began to apply it to the blemishes. Once done, Allen focused on something he had tried to ignore all day; the huge white bandage covering his entire left arm.

He didn't want to remove it, but he knew he had to. Gently removing his remaining glove, Allen gripped the top of the bandage and undid the safety pin. Then he watched as it unravelled itself, falling noiselessly to the floor.

Disgusting. There was no other word for it. It was disgusting.

His now exposed arm was a mottled red colour, beginning to turn black in areas. Allen's nails were coal black and cracked, almost like damaged claws on the end of his fingers. As he ran his unharmed hand over the coloured skin, he winced at its rough texture and the slight pain the touch caused him.

It still hadn't healed properly, and it never would. He'd stay a freak forever. Allen barely noticed as he fell to his knees, clutching his head and allowing his tears to fall. He wasn't sure about what he was feeling; a part of him was still in grief over his state, his loss, and what he had become. Another part of him welled with happiness, still elated by his lucky meeting with Lavi, Lenalee and Miranda, who had accepted him immediately and made him smile genuinely again.

He was confused.

I have a new life now. Get over yourself. Mana isn't coming back.

But Cross, Allen…

Cross doesn't matter. All I'll do is sleep here. Any other time I can be with my new friends. That's how I'll do it. It'll be easy.

Wiping his eyes with his right arm, Allen reached for his toothbrush and toothpaste before standing up. Ignoring the crash he heard in the hallway and the door that slammed straight after, he cleaned his teeth and wiped the concealer off his face with a flannel.

Slowly, his red scar was exposed, a thick line running over his left cheek. While not as ugly as his arm, it still brought back plenty of unwanted memories. Ignoring the negative thoughts, Allen pushed his fringe aside, marvelling at how the top of his scar was in the rough shape of a pentagram. How the glass shards could have cut him in exactly way seemed extremely unlikely, but it had happened; the proof was here on his face. Letting his hair cover the mark again, Allen stepped into the tiny shower after removing the rest of his clothes. He might not have time before school tomorrow.

…

Blimey. The water was freezing.

* * *

Allen rolled over on his mattress, overcome with frustration over his inability to fall asleep. The sounds coming from across the hall made him more than uncomfortable in more than one way. Pressing his hands to his ears, the teen glared up at the window, through which the moon was just visible amongst the branches of the tree outside.

So. His new guardian, Cross Marian, liked to bring random women home and then fuck them senseless for hours on end. It kinda made sense.

Allen crossed his legs as tightly as he could manage. The woman's moans just got louder. For crying out loud! Someone was having sex only two rooms away. Of course Allen was embarrassed!

Rejoicing at the sudden distraction, Allen reached for his phone as it vibrated at his side. Lifting it above him, he opened the text. It was Lavi, obviously.

_OMG SO BORED. U still up?_

Allen typed quickly. _Yh. U were so right bout Cross and his ladies._

Lavi's answer was rapid. _WTF am I rlly thinkin what I'm thinkin here? _It was clear through the text that Lavi wasn't pleased.

_LOL. Yh. _Allen answered simply.

_Wow Allen u shld go watch! Its not every day u get live porn! XP_

…

_Shut up lavi. I wldnt do it anyway, but if I did Cross might rip my bits off._

_Ur bits, allen? What bits?_

Disgruntled by the teasing, Allen decided to drop his shyness.

_HE'D RIP MY DICK OFF. Happy now?_

_That's more like it :D_

_R u enjoying making me text this stuff, Lavi?_

_Yusss. Totalleh. ^-^_

Allen rolled his eyes and grinned. Lavi, even over text messaging, had this undeniable 'good mood' effect on him. He couldn't wait to meet the redhead in school again tomorrow.

A loud scream practically shook the walls, and Allen shot up off the mattress in surprise. Holy shit.

Resisting the urge to pound on the door and demand silence, Allen reached for his phone again, realising he'd dropped it. Let Lavi distract me. Let Lavi distract me. Let Lavi distract-

"Ah-AHHH!"

Crap.

* * *

One new voicemail. Allen rolled over on the mattress, sensing his static hair sticking to his face as a result of his fleece blanket. Hitting the adequate button on his mobile, the sound of Lavi's voice began to play.

"Rise and shine, Allen! You has school today, and we be waiting for you! Do not be late, because the head is a nutcase. What else? Oh yeah. Eat nice breakfast. The cafeteria food is garbage. That's all! Bye-bye!"

The cafeteria food is garbage? Nooo… this could not be happening…

Allen threw his phone onto his bag and sat up, rubbing his eyes. The sunlight was blinding to him, and it had been the main thing to wake Allen up. Seriously, this room needed curtains.

He couldn't hear anyone else yet, but Allen didn't think for a second that Cross could be out. He would probably wake up soon and literally throw the woman he'd screwed last night out before getting totally smashed again.

Allen didn't want to be there to witness any of it.

Grabbing the uniform purchased before his arrival here, Allen made his way to the bathroom. Shuddering at the memory of the shower from hell, he settled for washing himself with a flannel and applied his concealer before getting dressed. His shirt was slightly too large, and it was difficult to tuck it into the trousers properly. A dark blue blazer was matched with a tie of the same shade, and Allen tied it neatly before pulling it up and straightening his posture. Pulling on his gloves, Allen proclaimed himself properly dressed.

Allen then combed his hair, cursing when it became static again; he finally just abandoned the task and fetched his shoulder bag from his room before looking for his black leather shoes. Once he had them, he frowned at their tips where the leather had been slightly worn by the rough interior of the bag they'd been in. He'd have to clean them; they didn't look too nice that way.

Seven bowls of cereal later, Allen glanced at the oven's clock.

Ten past eight. According to Lavi, if he walked, he could make it by half past. Cross still wasn't up. Thank heavens. Putting his dirty crockery and spoon into the dishwasher, Allen put a tab (which he spent ages searching for) into the machine before switching it on.

Allen's bag was light as he slung it over his shoulder, still devoid of school books. He bet he would have crap-loads by the time the day was over.

Making sure he had his key, Allen finally left the house.

It was warm outside, almost warmer than in the house, and Allen shielded his eyes with his hand before leaving the front garden and beginning to walk down the pavement. When he looked up again, he noticed someone walking a way ahead of him in the same uniform, their black hair flowing behind them in a perfect, high ponytail.

Well well, it was Mr. I-love-to-say-fuck from next door.

Allen wondered whether he should have a second go at introducing himself, but then decided against it. The other teen had proven himself to be unfriendly enough the day before, and Allen didn't fancy any more in-your-face nastiness at this time in the morning.

He slowed his pace slightly, making sure his fast walking wouldn't cause him to get to near to the unsociable Japanese. Allen hoped that the dark-haired boy's height meant that he was older, because that would mean that Allen shared no classes with him. Which was totally fine, by the way.

Allen followed the Japanese boy all the way to school, using him as a sort of guide in case he forgot where he was going; the boy didn't turn around once to notice his stalker. Allen raised an eyebrow at his thought. Stalker? 'Pursuer' might be a better word for that. After what seemed like the billionth corner, Allen finally spotted the school.

The building itself wasn't all too impressive, but the number of students milling around on the grounds was. All of a sudden, Allen once again felt completely out of place. Someone was just going to have to notice his hair colour, his gloves in summer, his covered scar-

"Allen! There you are! Oh my gosh, I was beginning to think you weren't coming! We have to get to class!" Allen then decided that Lenalee was his guardian angel. He allowed himself to be dragged through the crowd of students, not noticing when the Japanese boy seemingly heard and gave Lenalee a questioning look before scowling darkly and turning away.

* * *

Yes, Allen was lucky. Although Lavi was in the year above him, Lenalee shared a lot of classes with the whitehead, which was just fine. The girl seemed almost reluctant to leave her new friend's side, and she was even polite enough to introduce Allen to some other people she knew. By the time the first two lessons were over, Allen felt oddly comfortable in this new place. Only a couple of people had (politely) asked about his unusual hair, and he couldn't really blame them for it. "So, Allen, you play the piano? You were fantastic!" Lenalee praised as they walked down the corridor to the cafeteria. Allen smiled modestly and shrugged. The music lesson had been a performance one, and Allen had become a little carried away when he was offered a chance to play the wonderful old piano his new music teacher, who had insisted the students called him Neah, owned.

"Oh, it can't have been that good. I took lessons for a while before I moved, but I never really forgot how to play."

"You've probably just got a talent for it. If you're good at something by nature, you never forget how to do it." The Chinese girl replied before grabbing Allen's shoulder as he almost missed the door. "Here we are."

The cafeteria was literally jam-packed, and the queue for the hot food looked almost endless. Allen was glad he'd brought his own lunch; apparently, Lenalee had too, because she completely disregarded the line and instead ploughed through the other students towards a very familiar mop of red hair.

"Hey, Allen! Enjoy your night?" Lavi asked with a suggestive wink as the other boy took a seat next to him. Allen blushed heavily, choosing to ignore Lavi and instead reaching into his bag for his lunch box. Lenalee shot her boyfriend a confused glance, which Lavi didn't pick up.

"Oi, Kanda, you look like you just swallowed a-"

"Shut the fuck up, baka usagi."

There was a sudden silence within the small group.

Allen just stared for a second. What the hell? "What the fuck are you looking at?"

Absolute. Déjà. Vu.

Oh, and he'd been wrong yesterday. Those evil, evil eyes weren't black, they were blue. "Y-you!" Allen exclaimed, pointing rudely at the Japanese boy across from him. How hadn't he realised his presence? Was the guy a ninja or something?

"Eh, on first name basis already? And how do you know each other? I was supposed to be the one doing the introducing!" Lavi interjected curiously. All the while, the Japanese boy was giving Allen a furiously intense death-glare, which was returned with much enthusiasm.

"First name basis?" Allen exploded. "I only met this guy once and the majority of what he said was-"

"The word 'fuck'. Yeah, I share your pain." Allen was confused. What was going on here? "His name is Yuu, but he wants everyone to call him Kan-da." Lavi was definitely teasing 'Yuu' by the way he said the word 'Kanda'. "He's a sore little whiner, but maybe he'll let you call him-"

"Stop talking or die."

"But Yuu-chan, if you kill me, Komui will be after your ass for the rest of your sorry life as Lenalee weeps over my departure-"

"You think anybody would actually give a fuck if you went?"

"Ohmigosh, Yuu-chan! That's so hurtful! How could you _ever_ say such a thing to poor little Lavi-bunny?"

As the two other boys argued, Allen vaguely remembered the order of Japanese names. Anyway, 'Kanda' was far less confusing than 'Yuu', which had already proven itself to cause quite a few misunderstandings. "Hey, hey, break it up." Lenalee tried to calm her friends down as the look in Kanda's eyes became murderous. Allen hadn't failed to notice that Kanda's hand had strayed to his belt as he verbally battled with the redhead, almost as if it was searching for something.

Allen grinned to himself. Maybe he had an invisible sword. That was certainly something to tease about.

"Oh my, yeah! Now I remember! You live next door to Cross, don't you, Kanda? Of course you would've seen Allen by now." Lavi face-palmed, taking another huge bite out of his previously abandoned sandwich. The one being spoken to just shut his eyes and frowned, muttering a light "Che".

"Yeah, well. Kanda here is also one of our friends, Allen, don't be fooled by his rough attitude. He can be a really nice guy when he wants to be." Lenalee explained gently, taking a small box of pasta out of her bag.

The whitehead just raised his eyebrows as he sipped his drink. Why was that not convincing?

* * *

From then on, Allen didn't know whether the day went uphill or downhill. After two successful lessons came a disastrous lunch hour, by the end of which Allen was certain of the fact that Kanda wanted to kill him.

With an imaginary sword.

Also, Allen had the opportunity to learn some rather 'useful' Japanese. 'Kuso', 'shimata', 'zakennayo' and 'baka' seemed to be favourites of Kanda, but it was the word 'Moyashi' that was aimed at Allen the most.

A short internet-search on his phone later, Allen hated his new nickname already. The group was seated on one of the low walls in the playground that blocked off the flowerbeds, flicking through the homework they'd been assigned. Allen was surprised at how little he had received; his previous school was a lot harsher with extra tasks. "Oh my gosh." Lavi whined despairingly. "Have you even _looked_ at my Chemistry crap? They must think I'm a genius or something…"

"Well you are." Lenalee insisted. "And anyway, if you do ever need help, you can always ask Komui."

"That's a joke, right? Your brother scares the livin' shits outta me."

All the while, Allen's stare was fixed on Kanda, who was on his phone a small way away from the rest of them. His shirt was un-tucked and his tie hung low on his neck. It was a clear example of 'I'm violating your prissy uniform'-ness. Allen had met many different people throughout his life, but none quite like the Japanese teen. Although Allen had returned Kanda's insults with fervour, he knew that somehow, Kanda's insults were just hollow. He couldn't explain it himself, but then… Kanda could have been ignoring him completely, as people with his type of personality usually did. However, Kanda had not wasted a second in doing his best to ram Allen full with as many profanities as he could before leaving to get a drink.

He'd left right after Allen had told him he looked like a girl and suggested he remove his hairband.

Still, the white-haired teen was quite pleased.

Kanda had taken time for Allen, and the whitehead was always up for a challenge. _After all, life is never filled with just perfect people._ That was why Allen found himself liking Kanda Yuu.

He'd only known him for a few hours. Ok.

… But he was a contrast to Lavi and Lenalee, and Allen was fully aware of Kanda's useful function as a human verbal punch-bag in case he needed one. The bonus, however, was that this particular punch-bag came right back in your face, forcing you to hit back harder than before.

Oh, and one other extra. The punch-bag in question was his neighbour.

By the end of the lunch break, Lenalee and Lavi were thoroughly mortified by the side of Allen Kanda seemed to awaken. This was impossibly the sweet, polite newcomer from the day before. Lavi could only stare as his two other male friends were practically at each other's necks.

"It's Black Allen…" Lavi gaped, while Lenalee just looked worried.

"Who?"

* * *

Was it strange to say he felt oddly complete after those multiple spats with his new enemy? Allen didn't know. However, what he was certain of was that swearing at Kanda was a lot more fun than he'd initially thought it would be.

Arguments were bad, Mana had said. So is swearing, and you should never insult somebody without a fully valid reason.

I have a reason, Allen smiled to himself as he walked home. Kanda is an asshole. Forgive me?

After a long conversation about Kanda (after he had left them at break) Allen had found out that Lavi and the Japanese boy had known each other since nursery and had been in a love-hate 'friendship' ever since. Allen wasn't too sure about the 'love' part of that, but whatever. Kanda and Lenalee got on somewhat, but the poor girl always seemed to be stuck between the two when they had their infamous PDAs.

Separating himself from the throng of students at the main gate, Allen waved goodbye to Lavi and his girlfriend before turning and instead focusing on his path.

Kanda had obviously left straight away, because he wasn't in sight.

Allen felt… interesting. This sensation had come from Allen's last thought; his new fascination was Kanda. Allen shook his head at the weird quirk of making such random statements, but there was some truth to it. Although Kanda might want to hang him from the nearest tree or smash his head in with a brick, Allen wanted to see the boy again.

He liked arguing with Kanda. What did that make him? Even more screwed up than he already was?

Or maybe… maybe it was just that he _had _never been provoked like that properly before. Mana always made sure Allen was with sensible people who would not be a bad influence. Now that Allen finally got a chance to bite back, he found it left him feeling more _strong_ than beaten down.

Weird. Just weird.

Checking his phone, Allen hoped that he wouldn't come home to Cross. He might accidentally say something stupid, still under the influence of the Kanda-insults, and pay for it dearly. Oh, yeah, that was the word he was looking for. He felt confident.

Brushing his fingertips over the flowers poking across the walls of the many front gardens, Allen wondered why he hadn't seen anyone but Kanda come out of the house next to Cross' since he had arrived. Surely a sixteen or seventeen-year old didn't live alone yet. Maybe his parents were on holiday or something, but… The actual summer holidays were only in a few weeks' time. Huh.

Suddenly Allen froze as a familiar sound reached his ears.

No. It couldn't be.

Almost echoing in his rapidly blanking mind, the sound of screeching tyres practically tore at Allen's thoughts. He couldn't even tell what direction they were coming from, or if they were real-

There was a car. Metal scraped metal as the vehicle spun out of control and rammed the parked cars at the roadside, leaving large marks of red paint on their previously flawless sides. Glass flew from the windows as the cars collided, and each individual crash brought Allen closer to the ground.

He wasn't sure what was happening, for panic had taken control of his mind. He knew he should get out of the way, run, do a_nything _to escape the danger of the thin pavement, but his legs had turned to stone, and his whole frame shook as a result of his terror.

The car wasn't stopping. The boy could hear human cries, and it forced tears to come to his eyes. It was coming closer and closer, and the sound of screaming brakes was audible as vehicles coming down the road ground to a halt, colliding into each other's backs.

Was that blood? Could he see blood on the window of that unrestrained car? Was that a face behind the shattering window, broken and dead amongst the damage?

Were those hands, reaching out for him, red and mangled like his own left limb?

Oh God. Oh God, oh God, oh God-

Ten steps. It was barely ten steps away.

What was that beeping noise? Where was the screaming gone?

Where was the car going? Had it changed direction? Was it already there?

Why couldn't he _move_?

Blood stained Allen's clothes as he hit the pavement, but he was oblivious to the shouts around him even as a strange floating feeling began to overtake him.

_Mana… _

An almighty crash sounded, but nobody was listening anymore.

_Can you see all that floating glass, Mana? I always liked to think of it as Crystals… it's prettier that way… look, they're just suspended in thin air… isn't that amazing?_

_M-mana… are you listening to me?_

_Where's the ground…?_

_I…_

__"_The fuck_, _Moyashi_?"

* * *

OMG ABOUT THE LAST CHAPTER. I DON'T OWN FACEBOOK. *Sigh of relief*

About my update schedule. I'm a weekend updater, because my school week is jam-packed with other rubbish and coursework. I never see the end of it... :'(  
Sometimes I'll update twice a week, like now. Other times life will be a bitch and I won't. I'm deeply sorry for this, but I'll do my best.

This story got me quite a few alerts and all, but only two reviews? I'm guessing people want to read this due to the alert thingies, but if you have any suggestions for improvement or anything else to say PLEASE DO. It's nice to know what people think. I absolutely WORSHIP constructive criticism. :D If you see ANY SPELLING MISTAKES or GRAMMAR errors or WHATEVER, PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE TELL ME. I'm such a perfectionist with writing... And well, I proof-read these myself, so I might accidentally miss some errors.

Maybe Wednesday I'll have time for another update. Until then, happy reading and writing!  
~Zaskaea


	3. Chapter 3: Shock

Hi! Well, uh, wow. Three chapters over one weekend. Where is my life? O.o  
Anyway, this chapter was murder for me. I know it's a mess, and OMG don't ask me where this story is going.  
A nice reviewer suggested I change the rating of this fic to T for now, but I didn't think it was worth it since the next chapter is kinda... M. This chapter is a page shorter than the rest, but I thought it would be best to end it where I did.  
Wow... I have lots of alerts... That's cool...

**DISCLAIMER: FOR THE LOVE OF FLYING MINT BUNNY, I DO NOT OWN -MAN!**

Anyways, on with this! *As I like to say!*

* * *

"Well how the fuck was I meant to know? Yes! What the fuck were you thinking! Refused? Che. Whatever. Fucking fine, I said!"

How odd.

How very odd.

If the television was off, why was it talking? Or maybe it was the radio?

… And since when did Cross have a 42-inch flat-screen-

Woah. Woah, woah, woah. Hold on. Not Cross' abode. No freakin' way.

Allen rubbed his eyes wearily, grunting lightly as he felt his bones click into place. His head hurt like a bitch, and his knees were burning unpleasantly. Whatever he was lying on, it was too soft to be true; Allen literally sank into the cushion-like surface as he shifted sideways. Allowing his silver eyes to slowly flicker open, Allen observed his surroundings with growing bewilderment. He could barely remember what happened before, and his mind was like a slate wiped clean. He'd been walking home from school, right? Then why was he waking up in some kind of…

Oh. Maybe somebody had kidnapped him.

Ha, ha, Allen. Very funny.

No, seriously.

You're not tied up.

Oh, no, I'm not…

Arching his back off the soft cushion in an attempt to stretch, Allen found himself staring up at a cream coloured ceiling with a neat glass lamp hanging right above his head. Turning his head to the side, he found himself staring at a low coffee table with a beautiful pink lotus in a glass vase upon the surface, and a small fireplace embedded into the wall, surrounded by floral-patterned tiles. Rows upon rows of carefully framed sketches and watercolour paintings adorned the walls, although most of them were hanging at a rather untidy angle.

The whole place gave off a calming oriental feel, and Allen swore he could hear a fountain.

And that voice… Wait a second.

What on Earth?

Kanda was annoyed. No, actually, that was a complete understatement; he was downright furious. The crash on the street had been a bad one, and before long ambulances had arrived to sort things out.

To be honest, Kanda had been slightly freaked out too. Nobody really wanted to come home to a whole row of smashes up cars, screaming bystanders and a possibly dead driver.

Kanda had heard the tyres from down the road, and had instinctively backed off as he saw the out-of-control vehicle come spinning down the narrow road. Some tosser had probably got drunk and forgotten where the brakes were. If his mother's car got even one scratch he'd kill the fucker if he or she was going to get out of this one.

Then Kanda spotted the moyashi, that idiot from school. He was frozen in place a few metres ahead of him, looking just about ready to wet himself and shaking like a leaf. If it was possible, he was even paler than normal. In fact, you could barely see where the hair ended and the skin began.

Why the fuck wasn't he moving? The idiot was standing right in the gap between two cars, right in the path of the-

Oh, fuck.

Kanda knew that leaping in to save the baka was ridiculous, but damn, the kid was a person-

A woman screamed as the spinning car veered off to the right, slammed into a small van and was forced forwards, grinding to a halt as it buried itself in the wall of Kanda's front garden just as Allen fell to his knees. Whoever was in the car had their head slammed roughly into the vehicle's window frame, causing a small shower of blood to hit the paralysed boy in the face.

For a few seconds, Allen just stared at the smoking wheels barely inches from his nose before conking out on the pavement.

The first thing Kanda did was swear loudly. His wall. Why the fuck did it have to be his wall? Then he realised just how fast his heart was beating. He'd nearly witnessed someone being hit by a car. The moyashi… was one lucky shit. Another half a metre, and he would've been…

Allen was completely out cold, lying motionless on the stone, chest heaving. Kanda approached him as people started to run over to the ruined car, and noticed with surprise that the moyashi's face was covered in tears as well as blood.

As much as Kanda wanted nothing to do with any of this crap, his morals told him that leaving an unconscious person (even one you barely knew) alone on a pavement was wrong. The boy had clearly been terrified, and Kanda figured that if he was in the idiot's situation he would not want to wake up possibly hours later in the hands of a stranger.

For Kami's sake, you barely know this kid.

Barely know. I'm _not_ a fucking stranger, even though I wish I'd never met him.

Ugh.

Kanda gingerly hooked his arms under Allen's, but soon found that carrying him that way was not going to work. Swearing on the fact that the moyashi would pay for beating down his manly pride in this way, Kanda hooked one arm under Allen's back and the other beneath his knees, lifting him up bridal style.

Of course, in that exact moment, some random woman had to run up to him with one of those exaggerated worried expressions. Meanwhile, people were inspecting the smashed up car and whoever was inside. "Oh my goodness, was the poor thing hit?" she gasped, noticing the blood on Allen's face and his unconscious state. Kanda snorted. Poor thing my ass.

"No, this idiot is just my wuss-ass neighbour." Kanda answered in a biting tone, and the surprised woman opened her mouth to say something before she decided otherwise and gave Kanda a polite nod. "Che."

Kanda glared at the ruined vehicle that had so effectively destroyed his front garden and kicked open his gate. He'd toss Allen onto the couch until the moyashi woke up, then he'd kick him out.

Kanda didn't really fancy checking if Cross was home. He might accidentally end up killing the guy.

Ignoring the sound of ambulances arriving, Kanda quickly realised that he had no hands left for opening his door. Setting Allen carefully down in the grass, he searched for his keys and let himself in. Hanging up his bag, he walked back out to get Allen inside too.

This day was just such a load of shit. His mother would blow her top when she saw the wall, and then her stupid excuse for a boyfriend, Tiedoll, would try to calm her down with an exquisite watercolour painting of what the damn thing had once looked like.

Kanda glanced down at the motionless boy in his arms and frowned. Allen didn't weigh much, which was a bit worrying. He'd eaten like a horse in the school break, though. Maybe he'd been without food for a while.

Not that I care, Kanda reminded himself. About to literally throw Allen onto the sofa, Kanda stopped when he realised that Allen might accidentally rub some of that blood into the cream suede.

Ah, damn.

The floor it was, then. It was carpeted, alright?

Kanda set Allen down on the floor of his living room, making sure his face was looking upwards before he fetched a flannel. Why he was doing this, he didn't know, but he didn't like the possible reasons at all.

Allen still hadn't woken up when Kanda returned. He'd let warm water run over the flannel, so it was a pleasant temperature as he rubbed the blood from Allen's skin. At least the idiot wouldn't wake up now and see the blood, blaming Kanda.

Going for the last speck on Allen's left cheek, Kanda's brow furrowed with momentary confusion as the red disappeared only to reveal… more red.

What the hell? Glancing down at his flannel, Kanda realised that the white material now had a funny skin-coloured substance on it. Make-up…?

Curious, Kanda wiped at Allen's face some more, becoming suspicious when more and more red was revealed. Running the warm material over the entire left side of Allen's face, Kanda was left with quite an odd picture to look at.

Damn. That was one hell of a scar.

Judging by its colour, Kanda figured that the scar couldn't be too old. Where the scar reached the white-haired boy's forehead, it was shaped almost exactly like a pentagram. What… did the kid cut his face or something? This was sick.

Now that Kanda looked at the scar in full, it looked more like a tattoo. A huge, facial tattoo. No wonder Allen covered it. It looked fucking crazy.

Getting off his knees, the dark haired teen moved Allen onto the sofa and propped his head onto the armrest. Kanda gave his guest one last critical glance before walking back into his kitchen. He'd have to violently pry that kid about the scar later.

This flannel may as well go straight in the wash.

Wiping his forehead and scowling to himself, Kanda tightened his ponytail before beginning to prepare some soba. If the school was already as bad as it was, they may as well make up for it and serve some soba in the canteen.

Actually, maybe not. They'd probably make a royal mess out of it. Kanda screwed up his face just thinking about it.

Kanda almost threw the house phone against the wall when it decided to ring on him. What else, for fuck's sake?

"Who is it?"

"YUU-YUU! OHMIGOD! We totally heard about the car accident! Details! Details!" Lavi's voice was loud enough to make the phone sound like it was on speaker. Kanda swore to himself, holding it away from his ear.

"It was an accident with cars, baka usagi! What the fuck else is there to know?"

"Uh… heh, I don't know, but everyone is making a huge deal out of it. So your front garden is trashed? That's too bad…"

Don't. Mock. Me. "I'll castrate you with Mugen, you-"

"Was Allen there?"

Kanda paused at Lavi's sudden change of tone. Why the hell was the moyashi important? "Che."

"Ah, shit, Kanda! You mean he saw it? Is he ok?"

"Why the fuck are you so worried about the-"

"He'd shit-scared of cars, Kanda! I won't go into the details, but seeing s smash like that…"

"Well how the fuck was I meant to know!" Kanda almost roared. Nobody ever told him anything these days. They might as well tell him the vital things about the idiot they'd introduced him to today.

"Is he alright…?" Lavi questioned with genuine concern. Kanda breathed out loudly.

"Yes!"

"So he's not…"

"What the fuck were you thinking!"

"He first told us about his fear when Komui offered us a ride to school. Apparently he'd been in one hell of a smash before. He refused, and that had us a bit confused, y'see…"

"Refused?" Kanda asked almost stupidly, having calmed down quite a bit. Calm Lavi generally had that effect on him, strangely enough.

"Uh, yeah?"

"Che. Whatever."

"So you're sure he-"

"Fucking fine, I said!"

"Geez, Yuu-chan, don't get your panties in a-"

Click.

Kanda glared down at the phone. Well, that explained a few things.

"Ngghn…"

Kanda turned his head to glance over his shoulder, frowning when he saw the moyashi was stretching himself over the sofa like a cat. In fact, Kanda thought wryly, he looks like he's having a freaking orgasm.

Kanda decided to remain quiet as the beansprout observed his surroundings. His wide eyes gave away his confusion, and as he spotted the wonky paintings he frowned. Oh, was something wrong with that now?

"Moyashi."

To say Allen jumped would be a complete understatement. He literally fell off the sofa, nearly smacking his head on the corner of the coffee table. Kanda almost face-palmed. The stupid idiot just narrowly avoided getting hit by a car, and now he was further respecting his life by barely missing coffee tables with his skull.

"K-Kanda!" The white-haired boy stammered once he'd managed to stand. "What the…"

"Good to see you're all fine again. Now get the fuck out."

"Huh…?"

Slow, Kanda thought dryly as Allen blinked a few times, obviously _still _baffled. "Why… why the hell am I in your house!"

How nice of you to pay attention to my hospitality.

Kanda almost smiled inside. Here we go again, the kid wanted to argue. Step one of Kanda-verbal-battles: Defend your pride. "Why the fuck did you faint onto the pavement like a pussy?" the Japanese boy snapped back.

Oh, wrong thing to say. Suddenly, Allen's whole body seemed to stiffen, and his eyes became large. Then his body began to shake, and Kanda recognised it to be the same state the boy had endured before fainting. The near-hyperventilation was all Kanda had to hear before he knew that Allen was on the verge of having a panic attack.

Shit. With a jolt, Kanda realised that he had no idea of what he should do.

Allen was almost choking on his breath by now, and Kanda had no intentions of ending up with a suffocating kid in his house. Ah, crap.

"Sit down," Kanda ordered, jogging up to the terrified beansprout. When he didn't respond, Kanda swore loudly and pushed him down onto the sofa. "Breathe, dammit!"

At this, Allen seemed to give it a try; he sucked in a huge breath before breaking out in a fit of short, wheezy gasps again. Sweat gathered on his pale forehead. By now, Kanda was starting to get panicky himself, and he didn't like it at all.

"Breathe in when I say, then out when I say!" he ordered, and Allen managed a tiny nod. "In!"

The white haired boy took a shaky breath, and before he could lose control Kanda was speaking again. "Out!" Releasing the breath, Allen found he was catching on to a slight rhythm again. "In!"

Kanda was relieved to see that the moyashi's breathing pattern was improving, and carried on with his demands until Allen was simply breathing deeply again.

"Fucking hell." Kanda finally sighed, but then he let out a shout when Allen grabbed the front of his shirt and buried his now teary face into Kanda's chest.

Kanda's first impulse was to shove the boy off him, but he paused when he figured the boy had probably been through enough rubbish already for today. Maybe he was delusional and thought Kanda was someone else.

Ugh, what the hell was happening?

"Sorry. Sorry, sorry sorry…"

Yeah, idiot. You have every right to apologise for this sh-

"I could have done something, Mana… There must have been something I could do…" Allen whispered in a choked voice, sobbing loudly into the white material.

Kanda blinked.  
… Who the fuck was Mana?

The silence definitely lasted longer than five minutes. Neither of the boys knew why they weren't moving. Finally, Kami seemed to return Kanda's brain to him, and the situation his him like an angry brick.

"Moyashi. Get. Off."

Allen released his iron grip on Kanda's shirt and bit his lip, realising what he was doing. "Uh…"

Kanda's intense cerulean eyes were staring hard enough to bore holes through the other. Allen met the stare with his silver orbs and soon found himself unable to read Kanda's gaze. Anger and sympathy didn't mix, did they…?

"Get. OFF."

Oh, yeah. Kanda was generally supposed to be a violent, curse-happy asshole. Deciding that reality had been screwing with his already messed up mind, Allen stumbled away from the Japanese boy and out of the room. Realising his bag was resting against the shoe-rack by the front door, Allen grabbed it before running out of Kanda's house, hearing the door slam behind him.

What the hell had that been about?

He didn't want to know.

Freezing as he saw the giant towing truck starting to remove the smashed up car from Kanda's front garden and the blood that covered both its seats and the pavement/grass, Allen just about managed to get onto the sidewalk before he emptied the contents of his stomach onto the floor.

Kanda would never forgive him for being sick in his already screwed up garden.

Managing to avoid the sight of the truck as he approached Cross' front door, Allen let himself in and slumped against the door once it shut behind him.

Ok. What on Earth had just happened?

He'd almost…

Then he'd woken up in Kanda's house and seemingly scared the guy shitless with a panic attack. Kanda should have seen his own face…

Face…

Suddenly, Allen blanched and tore up the stairs to the bathroom. Ripping open the door, he made straight for the mirror.

The blood. It was gone. But- Oh my God.

Kanda… had seen… Allen covered his face with his hands, shocked. Although Kanda had cleaned him of the blood, he had… the scar… The huge red mark was fully visible on the boy's face, completely cleared of the make-up that had once hidden it.

"He didn't say anything about it." Allen told himself. "It's all fine. It's all fine. Tomorrow he'll see nothing again."

Turning his back on the mirror, Allen paced back downstairs and drew his schoolbooks out from his bag. There was homework to be done; he could mull over Kanda's miraculous character transformation later.

* * *

Paper. Paper. Allen needed paper. Chewing on his pen, said boy rose from his seat at Cross' tiny dining table and approached the nearest set of drawers. They were the really cheap kind, the ones you found in every corner of every classroom in every school in every country. Cross seemed to like them though, because there was even a set in the kitchen for all the cups and glasses. This whole house was a dump...

Allen opened the top drawer and peered inside; there had been something white poking out of it. The drawer squeaked miserably as it was pulled out, and just as Allen was making to grab a sheet of paper, he realised that it wasn't actually paper at all.

It.. no, _they_ were envelopes. Heaps upon heaps of envelopes, all addressed to one Cross Marian. Huh…?

Pulling the closest one out, Allen read the address again and then peered onto the logo that was printed onto the envelope. A gas company. Alright…

Throwing that envelope aside, Allen reached for another, only to read that it was also from a gas company; the same one as before, even. The one following that was a water company. The next was an electricity…

Wait. Allen tore the envelope open, becoming increasingly mystified by the whole thing. Why would Cross be stashing these things in this way? They didn't even look like they'd been touched properly.

Unfolding the letter he'd drawn out of the envelope, Allen scanned the text with a serious expression. An electricity bill… from months ago.

Reaching for another, Allen was faced with the same result. In fact, this one was even older than the last. The third letter Allen opened was a warning; a warning about the money not having been paid.

What?

Then the reality of it all hit him. None of these had ever been opened, and there were shitloads. Was Cross…

Allen suddenly felt fury rising within him. This idiot Cross was getting drunk and fucking girls all he liked while the debts were piling on him like this? He probably didn't even have a job. The _nerve_ of it all.

"Eh, so you found them."

Allen jumped and spun round, coming to face the hulking figure of his guardian. Cross was smoking again, and Allen felt his throat tighten as the smoke reached his nose. "I…"

"Always after my money. Always after my fucking money." Cross growled, coming closer. He'd entered the house without a sound, and it scared Allen.

"Y-you have to pay th-these." The boy stuttered, holding up the letter in his hand. "You can see the warnings-"

Cross just scowled. "Oh, yeah? With what money, you little bastard?" Allen stepped back. Too close…

"Do you even have a job?" he said, going on the defensive. "Does this even bother you?" Cross' malicious smile was a clear 'no'.

"Not any more, no, because I've got a new source of income now, thanks to you." He snarled, throwing off his huge maroon coat. "Your first client will be here in a few hours, so you better prepare y'self."

Allen stepped back further, feeling his heels colliding with the fireplace. "W-what…?"

"You heard me." Cross was a hulking, six foot plus demon with a deadly smile and menacing eyes; Allen's instincts told him that somehow, the situation had become dangerous.

Get out, his subconscious screamed. Get the hell out!

The whitehead tried to do just that, and just as Cross reached out to his right Allen made a run for the door. However, he just wasn't fast enough. "Think you can get away, you little fuck!" Cross roared, swinging round and grabbing Allen's blazer. The material tore right away, and Allen was forced backwards as Cross took a hold of his collar. The boy struggled valiantly, crying out as Cross grasped his left arm with a brutal force.

"Don't tell anyone 'bout this." Cross hissed right into his ear, breath laced with the scent of smoke and alcohol. "Don't tell anyone 'bout this, or I'll fucking kill you for real."

Allen was paralysed with fear; he was not sure what was worse, this or… or…

Cross dropped him then, and stepped over the boy's limp body. "Remember that? I'll _kill _you."

In that moment, Allen saw the vase Cross was wielding in his right hand, but before he could do anything to get away it was slammed down onto his head with a blinding force, shattering onto snow-white locks of hair.

* * *

Thanks to anyone who reviewed the last chapter! ^-^

I feel like I've abandoned Lavi and Lenalee a bit here, but... that lot get bigger appearances later on, defo.  
I just realised. The Cross I've written is... creepy. Lol. I also figured that although Kanda talks tough here, he has morals like everyone else. I think he's OOC here... Sorry. So, so sorry.  
Also! Another reviewer, LovinOnlyForYuu gave me some good suggestions regarding how I display the character's thoughts; thanks, I will bear your tip in mind! x  
Anyway. Until next week, yes? Review if you have anything to say! Your choice! :) Thanks!

~Zaskaea


	4. Chapter 4: Violate

Hey, hey. Looks like I've kept to my schedule. I almost didn't.

School has been extremely stressful lately, and in one subject I underachieved; the pressure from my teachers has been enormous, and I haven't been myself lately. Due to this, I greatly apologise if this chapter is not up to standard. As you can guess, I get extremely paranoid and depressed if I feel I have let anyone down…

Agh, get over yourself!

Thanks for the lovely reviews I got through the week, and damn! The alert subscriptions and story faves, too! Thanks so much, people. All this makes me so happy.

A large part of this chapter is actually Allen's imagination; still in a state of confusion, I wanted his subconscious to block out most of reality. I love to write strange dream sequences, and it's also a good excuse for me to avoid writing a lot of graphic torture I would rather not delve into… aheh… So this chapter might be a bit confusing. It jumps around a lot.

Also, this chapter contains a minor OC, Kanda's mother. I just wanted a scene with a young Kanda, and there's no real depth to her. Don't hate me for this please!

Anyway, on with the story, this is my longest A/N yet. Sorry about this pointless waffle.

**DISCLAIMER: I would never be allowed to own -Man. I might ruin it beyond repair... ^-^;**

* * *

Lavi didn't know whether to laugh or be concerned. Kanda's front wall had been totally wrecked; that was pretty damn hilarious. That Allen, who lived right next door could have seen the crash… that was another story entirely.

After ringing his grumpy raven-haired target of irritation, Lavi could yet again prove his theory about Kanda being the worst. Liar. Ever.

"So, is Allen alright?" Lenalee asked gently, pressing the 'off' button on her coffee machine. Taking the pink-bunny cup from beneath the spout, the Chinese girl put her hand to her mouth and shouted in direction living-room. "Komui! I'm done with your coffee!"

"You're an angel, Lenalee!" a chipper voice soon replied, and Lavi reminded himself not to run for the hills anymore as a tall man in a white lab coat came bursting into the room, attaching himself to Lenalee like a plunger being fired. As soon as he realised the girl's left eyebrow was twitching oddly, he released her and instead grabbed his cup with a huge grin, sipping it delicately. Lavi just stared. "Uh, hey, Komui…"

Lenalee's brother was the very definition of weird. The guy only lived here because this was where he worked; his and Lena's parents had moved back to China two years ago. Komui, being of a legal age and having a very well-paid job already, had been allowed to take care of Lenalee until she finished her education and possibly moved back to her homeland.

"So, you haven't introduced me to this Allen yet." The tall Chinese stated, placing his cup on a nearby counter. The previous Mr. Crazy-Sister-Complex seemed to have vanished momentarily. Lavi shook his head as he scratched the back of his neck nervously.

"Oh, nah, we should've really. Me 'n' Lenalee-" Komui's face turned sour.

"_Lenalee and I_, you-"

"Komui!" Lenalee fired him a furious look, and her devastated brother practically sank onto the floor as a distressed, trembling puddle of Komui misery.

"… were thinking of telling him about Miranda's offer for a part time job at her café. Since he lives with that bastard Cross, he certainly won't be getting any pocket money, eh?" Lavi finally finished, and his girlfriend nodded her head eagerly.

"That'd be nice. I bet he'd be a fantastic waiter."

"The kid smiles like a champ." The redhead agreed, sipping at his own coffee. None of them had noticed Komui crawling slowly out of the kitchen, bawling as he did so.

"So, um, Kanda sounded rather… angry over the phone. How did he know how Allen was, anyway?"

"I bet they met on the way home and were having a decent chat about the weather until that car ruined their little moment." Lavi snorted, his voice simply dripping with sarcasm. Lenalee just sighed loudly and sat down one on of her kitchen chairs.

"I've never seen Kanda go at someone for so long that badly since I've known him," the dark haired girl thought aloud. "They must really hate each other, which is a real shame…"

Lavi's eye nearly popped out of his head, it went so wide. "Are you kidding me?"

Lenalee curiously cocked her head. "What do you mean?" she enquired.

"They've got one hell of a connection, but Yuu-Yuu's too stupid to notice! He spent forty-five minutes bickering with Allen, and that's a record for his pretty much non-existent attention span, eh?"

Lenalee shifted uncomfortably in her seat, her mug resting between her hands and warming them gently. "Lavi… Kanda may be gay, but… don't you think you could be jumping to conclusions here?"

"No?"

"Lavi…"

"Yuu-chan has the hots for his new guy neighbour, Allen Wal-ker! This is, like, straight out of a cliché romance novel! I'm gonna stalk them and write the script! Then I shall walk in with a camera as Kanda breaks and unceremoniously drags Allen up to his bed-"

"Lavi Bookman!" Oh, oh, angry mother Lenalee poking through there. "That is not appropriate!"

* * *

Eleven hours. Thirteen minutes. Fifteen seconds.

Eleven hours. Thirteen minutes. Thirty seconds.

Eleven hours. Thirteen minutes. Forty-five seconds.

Allen could barely think. The pressure on his head was like a metal vice, pressing down further with each little movement he made.

The walls looked black, the ceiling looked black… even the sky beyond that window looked black. The only light was from the moon, white and icy cold.

_Mana! Mana, I feel… strange. Mana, is it the hot forehead thing again?_

_No, Allen… Calm down. You're just dehydrated. You know I always tell you to drink a lot on hot days like this._

_I'm sorry Mana. Will I feel better soon?_

_If you drink this, then you will. Allen, sit down. _

_Ok Mana. Oh! This water is really cold!  
_

_Oh, I'm sorry, Allen. Would you prefer some warm milk?_

_No, Mana. It's ok. I like cold water... It's refreshing...  
_

Allen could feel a trail of hot liquid run over his nose and drip into his mouth. A strong coppery taste was picked up by his tongue, and he opened his watery eyes yet wider.

Was this the storeroom? The mattress was cruelly solid beneath the white-haired boy, and his limbs felt like they had turned to jelly. He wanted to move, but he found no motivation to do so. He couldn't even remember how he'd gotten here.

His head… it… it…

Voices. He could hear voices. Where were they coming from? Were they in his mind? Were they even real? If so, who was it? Were they as distant as they sounded? Why wouldn't they stop _echoing?_

_I-I can't… can't deal with… th-this…_

_When I become nervous, I begin to ask myself a million questions in an attempt to fight my own panic. All it does, however, is increase my fear; once I realise just how much I have asked and just how little answers I have, I…_

_I can't deal with it._

_I break._

_And then I fall… to the ground… in a thousand little pieces…_

_What's happened to you, Allen Walker? Where's the boy you used to be? What's this… what are these pitiable remains?_

"Seventy five. Seventy five, last fucking t-"

"He's a virgin, you punk. You should pay more for being able to deflower his pretty little ass."

"He's got no fucking experience then."

"Well you've got total fucking control. One hundred, bastard. I need the fucking cash."

"Dammit, you twat. Fine, just 'cos it's you, Cross."

"That's more like it."

… _But every time… when those pieces hit the ground… there's somebody waiting for me._

"_Allen. Allen. Allen?"_

_Every time… every time he's there. The picture is never clear… it's like an old, faded photo, a black and white blur to my eyes. "Allen!"_

_His clothes are burnt black and falling off his thin frame, still smoking as they float to the ground. His skin is a blotchy mix of delicate red and pale white, the last of his brown locks turning dark at the tips where the heat has ravaged them._

_Then there is the blood. It is everywhere; on the ruined arm, staining the material he used to wear, collecting on the floor as it drips, drips, drips… further down._

_It flows down his cheek like tears, and as he looks up with a terrified, grey-eyed gaze, you can see how the skin of his left cheek has split right down the middle, exposing broken tissue and causing his eye to become unfocused and bloodshot._

"_Walker!"_

_You're not me. You can't be me. Did I really look like that? No. I never looked like that. Never. Never. Never-_

"_I couldn't save you, Mana…" he warbles, swaying on the spot as he loses control. "I could have done something Mana… There must have been something I could do…"_

_Don't lie. Please don't lie so much, it hurts too badly. _

_Hypocrite._

_I… I know…_

_Face it. You're a liar. A liar. A liar. A liar!_

_L-liar… I'm a liar, Mana… you told me to never, ever be a liar…_

_Liar…_

_I'm so sorry, Mana… even now… I'm failing you._

Clack. That's a door, right? Is that a door sounding?

Click. That's a door closing. It was a door. Why was the door opening in the first place?

_It's a voice sounding above me. I can't hear this voice so well, but I don't like it. It's harsh and not nice at all. I don't like harsh voices. I can't deal with harsh voices._

_I can see a face too, but it has a strange, twisty expression on it. I don't like this either. I close my eyes._

_I don't want to hear what the ghost is saying. He'd above me, and I can hear rustling. Has he got paper? Or is that material? I'm scared now. I'm very, very scared. Why can I hear this? Why don't I know what it is? Why is everything still so dark? Why am I so cold? Why can I smell alcohol? Why can't I _move_?_

"_Che! You asked the same thing when there was a fucking car coming your way, moyashi!"_

_K…K-Kanda? This voice is a lot, lot clearer. "And stop asking so many fucking questions!"_

_I pause. But I can't! If I don't ask questions, there's nothing else to think abou-_

"_Well what about when you stop, then? Then what, baka?"_

_I… I don't know. I don't know what then… but Kanda… why you? Where did you come from?_

"_Che… I'm not stupid. I know what you think. What do I make you feel, idiot?"_

_He's not swearing anymore…? You… you make me… I don't know how to d-_

"_I make you feel strong, baka. You know that word? You know what it fucking means?"_

_Kanda… how did you know? Nobody is meant to know. It's embarrassing._

"_You're fucking twisted, baka moyashi. You're fucking twisted to be able to feel good by yelling at someone senselessly. In real life, you're sick of the shit you're putting up with. You're sick of being perfect, sweet, kind little Walker. I know everything."_

_Then you can't be Kanda… you must be God…_

"_Bullshit, moyashi. I'm the Kanda in your head. Real Kanda knows nothing because you didn't tell him anything. I'm the Kanda that should be telling you what you want to hear, but I'm not letting myself be controlled by a fucking wimp like you."_

_Definitely Kanda. Definitely Kanda. But if I can't control you… you can't be my imagination, right? _

"_Get a grip, moyashi. Get the fuck up and face reality." Why… why are you suddenly being so harsh…? Reality is evil… Who needs reality?_

"_Your sugary smile is so fucking fake. You might have been happy when you made some friends, but the rest was crap. You've still got all this shit crammed up in your mind, and it keeps fucking coming back. What're you going to do about it, huh? What're you going to do about it? You can't fucking stay like this forever."_

_S-stop it, Kanda! I don't want to hear any of this!_

"_Face it, idiot. Fucking face it."_

_There's nothing to face, baKanda!_

"_Liar. Fucking Liar. Liar, Liar-"_

_I'm not a liar-_

"_You admitted it. You fucking admitted it. Don't fucking LIE TO ME!"_

_Kanda! Kanda, please stop! Stop it-_

"_Wake up then, fucking moyashi!"_

_But Kanda… If I wake up, then-_

"_Wake up! Wake the fuck up!"_

_No! No! No! I-_

"_Get UP!"_

_KANDA!_

"KANDA!" Allen screamed, literally feeling himself being blasted back into reality as a intense pain shot through his body, wracking his frame and causing him to slam his head sideways, tears flying from his eyes. "K-KANDA!"

His whole body was drenched with sweat, and Allen was only vaguely aware of the hulking figure above him, as bare as he was, panting and grinning with a hungry malice no human should be able to achieve.

"Who you shouting for, you little whore? Who you shouting for? Come on then, keep screaming!" this voice was not Kanda's. It was deep, raspy and foreign.

_"Baka! Baka moyashi!" _

_Why are you still shouting at me, Kanda! Please… please… _"I'm crazy! I'm crazy! I know I'm crazy! Please go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go aw-"

An endless, desperate mantra stopped only by the thick hand blocking the source of the sound. "Oh, you're crazy alright. You're such a pretty piece of shit, aren't you? Dirty, dirty boy."

_I'm back. I'm back. I'm back in reality. Kanda… it's so awful!_

Allen trembled violently, completely disorientated. A part of him knew what was happening, but his fear overran every rational thought his failing sanity offered him. It hurt so much! His breath a mess of heaving gasps, Allen's eyes widened to their fullest extent as his vision finally cleared. He'd never seen the man above him in his life. _Why am I talking to Kanda, anyway? What did Kanda ever…_

The pain… had Allen had the ability to move, he may have seen the blood beginning to stain the mattress below him.

Then the truth hit Allen like an electric current. _I… I'm being raped!_

Allen tried to push the man away, but his strength was nonexistent. Screaming as his wrists were gripped with a brutal force, Allen could only cry out a second time as the man above him pulled back and slammed back into his unprepared body with a blinding force. Allen froze in shock at the hurt that one single action caused, and he was not prepared at all when the man repeated the motion. Allen choked on his own breath as he sucked in a speedy gasp, and he sputtered as the man gripped his hair and pulled his head up roughly. "Tell me if it hurts," he leered darkly, clearly scarcastic, before setting up a relentless rhythm as he pounded into Allen at a breakneck speed.

If Allen had been weak and confused before, he didn't know what he was now. Never in his life had he imagined such a horror could ever happen to him. On the news, the mention of the word 'rape' had caused his heart to sting with fear and sympathy for the victim.

Now that is was his turn… he felt that no amount of empathy could ever make up for what those people had felt.

Everything hurt. Everything hurt. Everything hurt. Allen could barely gather what was happening anymore, and his screams escaped even his own ears.

_Questions. Questions!_

_Why am I here? Where did this man come from? Why does it hurt so much? Why is he doing this? Who told him I was here? Where is everyone else? Where is Cross? Why can nobody hear me? Will I die? What happens after? Will anybody come to save me? What if nobody comes? Will this happen again? Why am I here? Why am I repeating myself?_

_Why can't I _move?

Allen realised with a jolt that that was always the last question before he… before it ended._ You're wrong Kanda. Questions always help me. I just… don't know how to deal with the answers._

"_That's what makes you so weak, Moyashi. That's why you'll always just be a fucking idiot, no matter what."_

Through teary eyes and the excruciating pain, Allen could just about make out the face of his dreadful tormentor before he let out a shuddering breath and passed out.

* * *

"I'm going to go kill that man who killed father. I'm going to go into his house and take his brain out with Mugen."

"Yuu…"

She was very beautiful, the woman sitting outside on the park bench. Her jet black hair was held back in a loose ponytail, and her sad azure eyes watched the child next to her as he swiped at the grass viciously with a stick. "I'll cut off his legs and then hit his eyes so much that they never ever work again. Then I'll make sure he goes to hell and never comes back, because people like him never ever deserve to live." The child's voice was cold and deadly serious, and his little ponytail swayed every time the grass took a blow from his chosen weapon. Such terrible thoughts coming from such a small boy… but still, the woman did not stop him.

He had cried, the little boy had cried so much. Saying not a word, he had even allowed her to fully embrace him as he poured his heart out to her. As soon as he stopped, however, he had locked himself in his room for days and never spoken to any of his friends ever again, except maybe the persistent redhead from nursery that insisted on climbing into his room via tree and window practically every day.

Hasuko Kanda was deeply concerned for her little son. She knew that his father had been a major part of his life, a role model in every aspect. His untimely death, a result of the man having being caught in a shooting downtown, had definitely taken its toll on the young Yuu Kanda. With nobody else to turn to, Yuu had confided in himself only, deeming everyone else to be worthless against his late father. Late at night, when the boy thought he was alone, Hasuko would often stand outside his room and listen to his gentle sobbing, ignoring her own tears as they stained her perfect cheeks.

Unable to take the memories the place brought and realising that nothing for them remained here, Hasuko had moved away with her son to a village far beyond the city. Yuu had said nothing, and the poor woman had been torn between thinking she was right and that Kanda's silence meant otherwise.

Yuu was a very talented child, taking after his father at being a master with a sword. His grades at his new school had been very pleasing indeed, and he had inherited an equal share of his parent's looks, making him a very handsome young man. Hasuko had been delighted when he had actually brightened up one day; later on she found out that Lavi bookman, his old 'friend' from the city, had also moved here due to his grandfather finding a new job at the local library. When she asked him about it, Yuu had denied even feeling the least bit happy to see the optimistic 'baka usagi'. Thinking that things were finally settling down again, Hasuko spent less time worrying about her son like an overprotective parent and pursued her own hobbies.

However, the tension was very quickly reborn; Hasuko had been deeply upset by Yuu's bitterness when she had befriended a kind man at her watercolour painting session. When her new friend had begun to visit her on a regular basis to paint with her more often to chat, Yuu had refused to speak to his mother altogether.

Knowing what the problem was, Hasuko had made a decision that Yuu was old enough to make his own choices. If he didn't like the man who had quickly become her new boyfriend, that was his problem. It was clear that Yuu disliked his mother and the idiot she was seeing for one single reason; he thought that she was trying to replace his father with this 'idiot' (as he called him), and Yuu was of the opinion that the guy _actually thought_ he could do it.

Finally, the tension grew too great, and Hasuko suggested that she and her boyfriend visit her parents in Japan in order to give her son a break.

Like almost five years ago, Yuu had said nothing.

The night his mother and her idiot boyfriend left for Japan, Yuu Kanda had retrieved Mugen from its case and sat on the plush sofa for hours on end gazing only at the perfect, silver blade and feeling his breath begin to shudder.

Get over yourself. He's not coming back.

* * *

_Get over yourself. He's not coming back._

Kanda knew he was a liar to think that he could ever say that to the moyashi, and yet…

He and the achromatic idiot shared many similarities. Although Kanda would never, ever admit his weakness, Allen had allowed his mask to break as soon as somebody else had gone soft on him. Allen's desperation and reason for feeling that way had struck Kanda deeply. Unwanted memories had made themselves known again, and it was very hard for Kanda not to grow aggressive as the moyashi cried his eyes out on the same sofa that Kanda had done the same on once.

Kanda Yuu had known the grey-eyed boy for maybe a day now. Still, they had already connected in a way that he could not explain; Allen Walker fascinated him. Who was the boy? What had really happened to him? Kanda knew the boy's situation, his loss and grief, but then he didn't. Lavi had told him a simple story of a boy losing his parent to a car crash, but nothing that delved into Allen's emotional being. _How would I be, _Kanda had thought, _If I had watched chichi die right before my eyes? Would I be like Allen? No, I wouldn't, because Allen is not me. _

_But… _Kanda had then contemplated something very fascinating. _What was Allen like before he was in that crash? If it's like Lavi said, and his foster father died in the seat right in front of him… _

Allen had every right to be how he was now. _We're both broken. We both lost something we needed and loved._

This isn't like you, Kanda! Why are you even thinking about this crap?

_If the moyashi needs help…_

Kanda, get a fucking grip!

_I can help him…_

Kanda!

_Because all this time…_

K-Kanda?

_All this time, I had forgotten…_

Kanda…

_I had forgotten to be the man my father wanted me to become._

_I'm so sorry, chichi… even now… I am failing you._

_

* * *

_

Hours later. Or maybe it was days. Maybe only minutes?

_Why can't you think?_

"A… ah…"

The ache was still there, every bit of it. Allen felt like someone had stabbed him in the lower back and in his groin, and his limbs were limp and motionless. He had an incredible headache that made his vision uneven, and he was ice cold. Was he… naked…?

A rush of memories swamped Allen's mind then, and he gripped his blanket with white knuckles as he once again greeted the emotion of fear. It had all been real.

Allen tried desperately to sit up, gasping at the stinging pain that shot through his nether regions. There was a lamp in the corner, and it was on just bright enough for Allen to be able to see the disgusting mixture of drying blood and semen that covered parts of his shaking body. The mess was everywhere; Allen thought he felt some on his face, even.

Lying on the spot for what seemed like ages, Allen tried to grasp his situation. The shock he felt was immense, and with his sickening condition there was no way at all to escape the abhorring memories that plagued him.

Who… who had that man even been…? H-had Cross really…

_He sold me. He sold me off to a his friend…_

"…_Your first client…"_

_Oh God…_

_What does this make me? A prostitute?  
_

Allen couldn't stop himself as fat tears began to roll down his bruised cheek. Lifting a shaking hand to cover his eyes, Allen cried out softly as his hand brushed his neck; the spot hurt dreadfully when touched. His tears drenched his trembling hands in salty liquid, and Allen sobbed loudly as he curled into a pitiful ball, wincing sharply as he tried to wish away the ache weighing down his entire body.

_I used to be so strong. What happened, Allen Walker?_

_The brown-haired boy is a remnant of my past self…_

…

_I need to stop this. I need to listen to inner Kanda. Why am I doing this to myself? It's guilt, isn't it? Its' guilt, and it's trying to drive me crazy. That's why I can hear this Kanda. This Kanda isn't real. He's just another part of my madness, right?_

A shattered mind. A shattered body. A shattered... future...?_  
_

_Look, Allen. Look at this. It's all broken, Allen. It can't exist properly anymore. How can you return to something like this?_

_I…_

_You can't. _

He could feel the warm sun rays hit his pale face, the heat caressing his icy form… but still, Allen Walker could only cry to himself as the clock ticked further.

Eight hours. Thirteen minutes. Fifteen seconds.

Eight hours. Thirteen minutes. Thirty seconds.

Eight hours. Thirteen minutes. Forty-five seconds.

Nobody heard the muffled ringtone sounding softly from Allen's discarded blazer.

Nobody wanted to hear it.

Eight hours. Fourteen minutes. One second.

_You can't keep this up forever, Allen Walker. _

_The brown haired youth raises his head slowly. Icy eyes stare into nothingness._

_You need to get out. You've got to escape!_

"Ka… Kan-da…"

* * *

Kanda opened his eyes slowly, swearing to himself as he got a glimpse of the alarm clock at his bedside. Shit. He'd forgotten to set the damn thing. He'd overslept again, but there was nothing wrong with being fashionably late for school.

Rubbing his forehead with annoyance and sitting up, Kanda realised darkly that he'd suffered from a nightmare again. Someone had been screaming his name, and they'd evidently been in massive pain.

Little Kanda had run down the endless road as fast as his short legs would carry him, vision obscured by the thick locks of hair hanging before his eyes. He was back in the city he'd last lived in, and he recognised the long, main road in an instant. This main road, however, was dilapidated and devoid of life… huge, dirty ad-boards hung from the buildings at awkward angles and the shop windows were smashed, spreading glass shards across the whole road.

There were two alleys before him, and from each an agonising scream sounded as the boy paused for breath. Tensing completely, Kanda had stared at the dark, dead-ends in absolute horror; there was no way he could make a decision like this.

From the left, the voice of his father was clear, echoing in the wide space, angry and evidently hiding an intense hurt.

From the right… from the right…  
From the right came the voice of Allen Walker, fading almost immediately after the terrified scream sounded in Kanda's fragile ears.

* * *

I'm sorry if this is awful. It's so messy, and was damn hard to write. I wanted to explore a deeper side to Kanda, and in my mind he isn't an asshole through and through. He's just afraid to show what he really feels because he thinks he'll be a letdown if he does.  
Did any of you get what I did with Kanda's mother's name? 'Hasu' is Japanese for lotus, apparently. I thought this would be nicer than just choosing a random Japanese name.  
Speaking of Japan, oh my God. I seriously hope nothing else major happens; as if the earthquake and tsunami weren't enough, they might have a nuclear disaster upon them too. I sincerely hope their situation becomes no worse.

Now I shall go to feast on my rice.

~Zaskaea


	5. Chapter 5: Stain

**TIP: CAN'T PUBLISH A NEW STORY? THIS PROBLEM GOT ME TOO. CHANGE 'EDIT_PROPERTY' TO 'EDIT_CONTENT' IN THE URL INSTEAD. :)**

...

**HO SHITE. I MISSED MY UPDATE SCHEDULE. ***Gets shot* Er… I'm unbelievably sorry, but I have to admit that my grades have first priority here. I also somehow fractured my wrist, ran into a guy who'd just been stabbed and got caught in a huge school vs. school fight. XD

My friends are such nutcases. On Wednesday, we were baking. Somehow *coughyeahsomehowcough*, I ended up with the entire contents of the flour bag on my head. Guess what colour my hair became?

They're still calling me 'moyashi-chan' a week later. Even though I've dyed my hair purple now. *Yay for crazy colours! My mum wouldn't let me dye it properly white, though... **:'(***

Now, with my hands coated in melted butter and munching on wurst, I shall begin to type. Anything to procrastinate on my coursework… heh… ^^

Anyway… I now realised that the Allen I'm writing seems to have some kind of disturbance… He likes to talk with unknown voices and has hallucinations… 0.o My bad. But it's interesting to write!

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own -Man… or any VOCALOID characters, for that matter. ZOMG GENIUS IDEA. ALLEN IN A PIKO OUTFIT AND KANDA AS GAKUPO. THEY COULD SO PULL THAT OFF! RIGHT? RIGHT? :D *Lenalee has a tiny bit of Miku-resemblace, too...* XD**

* * *

"I totally know what I'm getting Yuu-chan for his birthday, Lenalee!" Lavi was high on soda, as usual. Lenalee pinched her nose in slight bother, reminding herself to not allow her hyper boyfriend within ten metres of any vending machine they saw.

"Oh, that's nice, Lavi. I already know what I'm getting him, too. What were you thinking of?" the Chinese girl replied, pushing herself further onto the wall she'd spread her books out on.

The redhead was quick to answer. "It's kinda obvious," he announced, taking on a stance Lenalee recognised almost instantly. Oh, hell no. "… A Miku Miku plushie, of course! Maybe I can even get my hands on a Rin and Len Kagamine set! I bet Kanda absolutely loves shota, right? Eh, that would _so _make Piko a candidate, too! Or what about Luka? Or even Meiko? Those chicks have massive tits!"

Lenalee let out an exasperated cry of "Lavi!" as said boy began to juggle his imaginary breasts.

Kanda knew the baka was making sure he heard every word. The Japanese grunted in annoyance and continued to jot down notes in his algebra booklet; not that he was worried about the oncoming test. Kanda Yuu was never worried.

"Say, Yuu, y'know where Allen might be?" Lavi suddenly enquired, practically pushing his annoying face into the back of Kanda's book. Said Japanese pulled it away hurriedly, shooting Lavi an extra-special death-glare.

"Che, It's Kanda, you ass!" He snapped before switching his attention back to the work.

"Yeah, sure, whatever, Yuu-chan. Oh, is that the chemistry stuff I was so zonked on? Pleasepleaseplease tell me the answers to the questions on osmosis! I'll give you my cookies-" Hands grabbed at Kanda's open textbook, only to be harshly slapped away a second later.

"I don't want your fucking cookies, stupid rabbit! Get your fucking hands off my notes!" Damn, patience was so easy to lose… Lavi sniffled in false hurt, pulled a face and pouted.

"Oh, male PMS…" he began to grumble, but Lenalee shut him up with a sharp poke.

"Lavi, don't push him."

As if to stress the point, a rather pointy biro smacked Lavi right in the forehead, leaving a small blue mark.

"Owwie! Yuu!"

Lenalee just rolled her eyes and sighed as she opened her own books. Yes, it was strange… Allen hadn't answered Lavi's phone call in the morning as they walked to school, and he hadn't sent a text or rung back since. He'd almost been glued to his phone before. The girl frowned shortly. Maybe he was ill. That would be awful, as she was sure Cross wouldn't really be too concerned. Perhaps she and Lavi could drop round after school to visit Allen and bring him some medication.

"Hey, Lena, just noticed; I've got to head off and hand in my biology stuff. See you last lesson, yeah? Break's over in five, anyway."

Lenalee looked up with a smile, leaning up to give Lavi a chaste peck on the lips. "'Kay. I don't have a shift at Miranda's today; want to visit Allen after school with me?"

Lavi nodded with a wide grin, straightening his bandana. "Sure thing." The lively redhead saluted at his girlfriend before slinging his bag over one shoulder and strolling off towards the science block. She giggled silently at the sight of him; the sunlight literally made his hair look like a flame. Lenalee continued watching him go for a while before glancing briefly at Kanda.

"Kanda?" The Japanese grunted shortly at her voice, indicating that the girl had his (partial) attention. "I don't mean to pry, but… Is everything alright with you? I mean, your mother having suddenly gone off, and…" she trailed off, realising that she might have been a little tactless.

Kanda was silent for almost half a minute before he shifted in his seat and scratched his nose gently. "Fine. Fucking fine."

Of course. Everything was always 'fucking fine' with Kanda. "Alright, Kanda… but… you look like you didn't sleep to well, you know. I was simply wondering."

A low grunt was the only answer Lenalee received, and she watched with an uneasy expression as Kanda lazily blew a few raven strands of hair from his line of vision. Kanda was a hopeless case.

Just like Lavi, the kind Chinese girl was actually quite concerned for Kanda. He allowed nobody to interfere with him or even help him the tiniest bit; he was independent through and through. His broken family caused Lenalee some concern, as she was pretty sure Kanda's coldness was just a mask for something else. Call it a friend's intuition, but Lenalee was almost certain about this fact.

Jumping off the wall at the sound of the bell, Lenalee watched in silence as Kanda packed up his books and left, his dour stare directed at the dirty tarmac all the while.

* * *

Shaking hands scraped against dirty cloth, and a loud gasp pierced the looming silence.

_One thirty. It's one thirty… School… I-I'm… I'm late…_

_Seriously, Allen Walker? Seriously? You're late for school and you've just been-_

"Ah-ahn!" Allen suffered from intense pain at every standing attempt, and by the time he had successfully dragged himself upright with the help of the doorframe he was just about ready to collapse again.

_I'm hurting, can't walk… dammit…_

_Down the hall. Down the hall, ten steps. Can you manage ten steps, Allen Walker? Or are you too weak?_

_I… won't be… weak…_

_Of course not, Allen Walker. You're too far gone already. Who are you talking to? Who is this you're conversing with?_

_I'm talking to… t-to you…_

_Is this a bad pun? A bad pun, Allen Walker?_

_N-no… Who are-_

_I'm you. Not him, but you._

_H-him…? You're confusing me!_

_Reality, idiot. Remember what that is? Get to the bathroom already!_

My goodness. Ten steps… such a long way. The floor was splintery and cold, there was nothing to hold on to. The sunlight was blinding.

One step. "A-ah!" _It hurts! Every step!_

_Oh, it hurts? No shit. You had a dick up your virgin ass for about three hours last night and now you're surprised?_

_Who are…!_

_Bathroom._

Two steps. Oh my God. What kind of a limp was _this?_ Every leg motion sent stabbing pains along Allen's lower regions.

_You've got tears on your face, Allen Walker._

Dabbing his bruised cheek with a trembling finger, Allen felt the dampness.

_I don't._

Of course not. Of course not…

_Liar. Liar, liar-_

_I do! I tears on my face! I'm crying! I'm crying! Dammit, please! Just leave me alone!_

_How can I do that? You're the one imagining me._

_I never…_

"H-hah!" Such a pain could come from one's backside? _Feels like you've shit a brick, huh?_

Allen looked up, shaking. The blanket he held around his naked form was scratchy and caused his hair to become static, sticking to his face horribly. He had to wash. If he lay here and cried any longer, nothing would sort itself out. Wincing with every pace he took, Allen grabbed onto the stair rail before pushing himself towards the right door, falling into it before hitting the unforgiving, tiled bathroom floor.

_Cold. _Cooling his forehead momentarily on the tile below him, Allen gritted his teeth.

_No shit._

_You said that before…_

_Stop yakking at me. You're in shock, just get your stupid ass cleaned and get out._

_Get out. Ok. Get out._

The bathroom door creaked behind him as it swung on its rusty hinges. Allen groaned as he pushed himself onto his elbows. Arms. He had to cover his arms! The skin was bruised and littered with small cuts. If anyone saw that, Cross would surely find out… and then…

_Bandages. Water. Water comes from the tap. Bandages… bandages come from my shirt. Or… no, the shirt is… toilet paper. If I ripped a towel, then… Oh. Is that blood on the floor?_

_My, my, looks like it is. So much blood in your life, isn't there?_

_Wha…_

_That's a sink, Allen Walker. My God, how hard did you smash your head?_

Gripping the edge of the basin, Allen hoisted himself up. The sunlight illuminated the room brightly, allowing the boy to catch sight f himself in the cracked mirror.

Red. Red and Blue. Allen's skin was littered with bruises and there was a huge, purple bite mark on his neck. His hair was incredibly tousled and his eyes were bloodshot, watering gently at the edges.

Allen collapsed onto the sink, gasping as he did. _No… no…_

He shouldn't cry. He shouldn't cry for himself like this, it was selfish, but he couldn't help it. Once again, Allen felt the hot tears streaming down his face, burning his eyes in their number. His sobs came suddenly and loudly, wracking his whole frame. Whoever was talking, they were right; he was in shock, and he couldn't escape.

Two days. Two days, and his new found happiness had been shattered into pieces once again. What _had _happened with his life? He couldn't get help, no! Cross would find out, and then… then he'd…

_Turn on the tap. Wash your face._

Twisting the knob slowly, lukewarm water began to flow over Allen's fingertips. With half lidded eyes, the boy lazily splashed some in the direction of his face, shivering when the droplets made contact with his cool flesh.

_There's no other option. I have to get out. He'll do it again, I know he will… But… Where do I go…? There's nobody… nobody I could…_

…

_Maybe… Kanda doesn't care anyway, so…_

Then suddenly, Allen's whole body tensed as he heard the sound of an opening foor in the distance.

* * *

BunnyBoy: _YUU! Hows ur tessttt?_

BunnyBoy: _Yuu not answerin :P_

BunnyBoy:_ Do not LIE to me! I can c u! Ur lookin at ur FONE… :D_

Kanda: _WTF do u want?_

BunnyBoy: _Ur VIRGINITY :O_

BunnyBoy: _Jk jk LOL_

Kanda: _Fuck u_

BunnyBoy: _I'm Kanda-diss-proof, Yuu-chan :) Btw after we go miranda's 2 pick up komui's b-day cake we're goin allen's 2 c if he's good. U comin?_

Kanda: _No_

BunnyBoy: _LOLWUT! So cold, Yuu!_

Kanda: _Ur textin me in a fuckin maths class you stupid shit_

BunnyBoy: _Yuss, and?_

Kanda: _Just fuck off b4 I make you_

BunnyBoy: _Man kanda u srsly need to get laid -_-;;_

Kanda looked up from his phone, eyes glowing with lethal hatred. Lavi, from the safety of three rows away, brushed the look off with a wide grin and a certain nasty finger.

"Kanda, please remind me how to make 'x' the subject of this equation." Kanda glanced wearily at the old man at the board, trying his best to ignore Lavi's annoying giggling from ahead.

"Carry the fucking letter over to the other side. Reverse the-"

"Mind your language, young man! See me after class."

You could hear Lavi laughing out loud now, so Kanda picked up the nearest pen and lobbed it at the idiot's head. The Japanese smirked sadistically as he saw it had hit the target pointy-end first. As he rubbed his head with a childish pout, Lavi begrudgingly wondered whether Kanda had a whole arsenal of biro-projectiles in his pockets. Feeling his phone vibrate in his back pocket, Lavi got it out and scrolled down his inbox.

Kanda: _Prick_

The grin that spread over Lavi's face only moments later didn't suit the nature of the message at all. Well, how about a sweet comeback?

BunnyBoy: _Yuuuu. I no ur DEEPEST SECRETT…_

Five seconds later, Kanda answered.

Kanda: …

BunnyBoy: _Yayza! Kandy speaking 2 mee!_

BunnyBoy: _Btw that pen hurt :'( WHY!_

Kanda: _U deserved it. Act ur age._

BunnyBoy: _Whatevs ;) Anywayy! I no ur DEEPEST SECRETTT…_

Kanda: _Dnt care fucktard_

BunnyBoy: _U wanna no it? U wanna no it? U wanna no it? XD_

_Well if it's supposedly my fucking secret I'd know it anyway. Twat. _However, Lavi decided to tell him anyway.

BunnyBoy: _Yuu have the hots for allen! :DDDDD ZOMG IMMA GENIUS_

That pun was getting _so _old. Kanda stated down at his phone with a blank expression. The hell? When had this theory started? He'd kill that fucking rabbit…

Looking up, Kanda glared at Lavi as he realised the boy had been staring at him the whole time. Hopefully he hadn't seen that face.

_What the fuck is this about? _Kanda's eyes clearly said. _What was that about me and the moyashi?_

_Fuck him senseless! _Lavi's replied.

Ohh, Lavi was so going to die after class.

* * *

The bell was a saviour to every student, for the moment it sounded people literally leapt from their seats and dove towards the door. Ignoring the teacher's futile attempts to get the students back under his control, Kanda rose from his seat in a much calmer fashion before picking up his bag and barging roughly through the throng of students trying to get through the exit. Lavi was nowhere to be seen by the time the dark-haired teen was in the corridor; the coward had probably run for his life after that little 'conversation'. Scowling, Kanda kicked an empty drink can out of his way and watched it bounce off the wall.

Things were screwed up right now. Allen was just another weight on his shoulder.

Wait, what?

Kanda screwed up his eyes, wondering what the hell he'd just said. He thought of Allen as one of his responsibilities? The hell? Sure, he hated Cross with a passion and felt the tiniest, tiniest twinge of sympathy for the achromatic baka when it was mentioned that he lived with the guy, but… as soon as he was actually in the moyashi's presence again, that stupid feeling vanished altogether.

Walking towards the exit at the end of the corridor, Kanda loosened his tie and let out a loud sigh. Get home. Eat soba. Do homework. Practise with Mugen. Eat more soba. Wash his hair. Sleep.

Typical Kanda-routine, and it shouldn't be broken. Suddenly remembering what he'd have to endure at exactly ten past six, Kanda became pissed off.

He bet his mother would be calling him again just to force her worries about him and other shit right down his throat. 'Are you eating well, Yuu? How's school? Are you being nice to everyone? Cross hasn't ruined my hedge again, has he? Make sure you hoover right into the corners of the upstairs hall, yes, honey? And please, whatever you do, water the orchids!'

He didn't have the heart to hang up on her; the woman tried her best for him, for Kami's sake, but Kanda couldn't deny that they were becoming ever so slightly more distant with each call. He just wished she'd leave him the hell alone. She'd already branched off from him by choosing Tiedoll as a new boyfriend, and now all her affection suddenly seemed so sickeningly fake; almost as if she was just doing it to distract Kanda from what was really going on in their heads. Of course Kanda loved her as a mother. He just couldn't take her in his life anymore.

In fact, Kanda never really liked many of his stupid relatives. The only one he truly put up with was his little cousin back in Japan, and she had selective mutism, for crying out loud.

_That makes you sound like a super-douche, Kanda._

_Yeah, yeah._

Heading out of the school gates with a dire expression, Kanda didn't even make an attempt to spot Lavi and Lenalee. He didn't want to talk right now. If he did, it would only come out as shouting.

Today had somehow been… boring. Kanda still felt as pent up as he had in the morning. He hadn't growled at Lavi enough. That was it. Ugh, whatever. Where the fuck was sane Kanda?

Crossing a road and narrowly avoiding a car that blatantly exceeded the speed limit, Kanda approached his house. The wall was still screwed up, and a funny green powder had been scattered on the pavement where blood had fallen as a result of the crash. Well, didn't that just make everything look fucking lovely.

As he raised his head to glance sinisterly at the moyashi's house, Kanda stopped dead in his tracks.

_Wha… What the…_

Where the large front window had been was now a gaping hole, broken glass scattered haphazardly over the wild front garden. The glass that was still in the frame looked extremely dangerous to touch. It was jagged, appearing almost like an open shark's jaw, sparkling gently in the sunlight.

Had someone tossed a brick through Cross' window? Kanda let a small grin flicker on his face before something else hit him. Hold on… wasn't the moyashi in there?

Oh, uh, shit.

Wait. The glass was spread on the grass, and not inside. This window had been smashed from within the house.

Why the fuck hadn't a passerby done anything yet? Convincing himself it was more curiosity than worry, Kanda changed his path and instead advanced up the messy line of tiles leading up to Cross' front door. Disregarding the normal way to knock, Kanda slammed a fist right onto the old wood, hearing the bang it made resonate down the hall behind it. "Moyashi!"

For thirty seconds, Kanda waited, and nothing happened. Felling anger creep into him, the Japanese teen repeated the action, this time shouting through the window after he'd 'knocked'.

"Fuck, moyashi? What the hell is this?" He roared, and when nobody replied again Kanda became suspicious. Telling himself it was stupid and very out of character, Kanda made to climb through the window.

There could be someone inside this house; robberies in broad daylight weren't so uncommon these days, and this house looked easy enough. Swearing as he cut his finger on the pointy glass at the bottom of the frame, Kanda lifted his foot and kicked it out of the frame. Vaulting himself over the edge, he was relieved to find that there was a couch right beneath the window.

Holy crap. This house looked vaguely like something out of those 'grime-buster' shows. Standing up straight, Kanda observed his surroundings with disgust. All the furniture was fucking hideous, and the fireplace looked like it was used as a newspaper dump. A smashed vase was on the floor on front of him, and as Kanda kicked a shard with the end of his foot he caught sight of something red on the broken porcelain.

Was that…? Kneeling down, Kanda swiped a finger over the red mark. It was dry; that meant that this had happened before the window was smashed. There were small specks of it staining the grey carpet, too. What the fuck had happened here? This was blood, not cranberry juice, for fuck's sake!

Kanda left the living room with a dark feeling in his chest. Entering the kitchen quietly, he pulled a knife out of the collection of dirty utensils near the sink and wiped it off on the tablecloth. No dishwasher either. Kanda felt the strong urge to open a dictionary in Cross' face and point threateningly at the word 'hygiene'.  
Kanda gripped his knife tightly. It was a far cry from Mugen, but he was in this house now and couldn't be bothered to face the broken glass again. His finger already stung like a bitch. Deciding to investigate further upstairs, Kanda swore each time the stairs creaked under his weight. He'd have to introduce Cross to the word 'refurbishment', too.

Upstairs was no better; the small hallway was littered with stuff ranging from porn magazines to mouldy toast and beer cans. Sickened by what he saw, Kanda defiantly stamped on an image of a very naked busty blonde with his dirty boot before wondering which door to look behind first. One blue door caught his eye, and as Kanda gently pushed it open (bloody hell, those hinges could scream) he was greeted with the sight of a tiny bathroom.

However, the teen wasn't interested in the lack of a proper bath or the horrible irregular tile pattern on the wall. Kanda was staring down at the heap of towels spread over the dirty floor. Small areas of blood tainted the white material, and the much lighter patches of another substance on the towel smelled awful.

Someone had used these to clean themselves, so much was obvious. They were still slightly damp, and Kanda's heart froze as he recognised a familiar flesh-coloured substance on the corner of one of the pieces of material.

"Moyashi…?" Kanda mouthed without thinking. Feeling suddenly completely unsure of what to do, Kanda didn't even want to contemplate what this could mean. Shit. Should he call the police? Should he…

Fuck. Lenalee and Lavi couldn't see this, no matter what. They'd freak out and this news would be all over the town before you could shout 'fucking usagi!'

Kami help me, Kanda thought as he stood up again. Maybe the moyashi was still in the house, knocked out or even…

Exiting the bathroom, Kanda went straight to the door opposite. Also a horrible blue-ish shade, the paint was peeling off it quite badly. Kicking it open, Kanda found himself in a storeroom of some sort. This room, however, was a lot tidier than the others. The remains of a shelf were stacked neatly against a wall, and a bucket filled with numerous shards of glass rested next to them. An old garden chair had what looked like a very familiar school uniform tossed onto it, and Kanda didn't fail to notice that the blazer had a large tear running down the back.

This room definitely smelt funny, too. It was musty and nauseating to the young Japanese, so he was about to leave when he caught sight of the mattress.

Oh, nasty. Kanda knew those stains when he saw them, for reasons he didn't want to delve in to. However, accompanying those marks was yet more blood, turning dark as it dried on the frayed material.

By now, Kanda was beyond confused. He was almost considering the police again as his phone vibrated. Unlocking it and opening his inbox, Kanda snorted as he caught sight of the words 'number withheld' above the text. This was probably some spam chain-text shit from Lavi.

Then he actually read the message.

Two words. Two words only.

_"Help me...?"_

* * *

Lavi was waiting patiently behind the counter in Miranda's café when his phone rang. The place was filling up slowly with his schoolmates, coming over to enjoy a slice of cake or a cool drink. His girlfriend and the manager were taking longer than he expected with packing this damn cake. Maybe they could bring Allen a slice of something nice on the way to his… Ooh, that rhymed.

The bored redhead vaguely recognised Kanda's number before picking up the call and lifting the phone to his ear. "Hey, Yuu!" He greeted, suddenly alive with enthusiasm. "Was'sup, buddy?"

The voice that answered was far from pleased. _"Lavi, listen to me carefully, and don't you fucking do otherwise! Don't visit the moyashi after school, whatever you do. Just get the fuck home and don't-"_

"NO WAY!" Lavi cried with excitement, catching the attention of some irritated customers. Lowering his voice considerably, Lavi continued to speak down the phone with an evil grin. "You don't want us to come because you're about to screw him into the wall, aren't you? Oh man, never thought this day would've come-"

"_Shut the fuck up, baka! This is serious. Show your pathetic mug near his house and I will fucking kill you-"_

"With Mugen?"

"…_With my bare hands, shithead!"_

Blinking down at the mobile device with a stunned expression, Lavi could just hear the loud beeping tone coming from the speaker. Woah. Kanda was wound up as _hell._

_Sexual tension, maybe?  
_

At that moment, Lenalee came out from the kitchen carrying a bright pink box of a rather impressive size. Komui would freakin' worship her for this. "Who was that?"

"It was our favourite PMS-ing samurai wannabe!" Lavi replied joyfully, missing his girlfriend's irked look. "And guess what?"

"What, Lavi?" The Chinese girl enquired placidly, handing the cashier her money. The hyper redhead was almost clapping by now.

"Yuu doesn't want us to come to Allen's house after school…" Cue fake pout.

"Oh, and why?"

"… 'Cos they're gonna get LAID."

"L-LAVI!"

* * *

Oblivious, yaoi-obsessed Lavi = **LOL** to write.

Once again, sorry for the late update. I can't say it enough DX

Holidays for me soon, which means extra chapters to make up for my crappy 'dedication' to this! Thanks so much for all your fantastic, inspiring, motivational, AWESOME-ASTIC reviews! *Who cares if that isn't a word!* I even got one in Japanese... I am ashamed for having to use Google Translate to decipher it. XD I wanna go South France for the hols, but I hafta stay here in ENGLAND, where the weather is SUCKY and BIPOLAR. Bwah.

Anyway, I'm working on the next chapter now. This was hard to write at first; I didn't know where it was going, but now I've got a strong plot thread again (or numerous plot threads, actually) I'm on a writing-roll. Writing this chapter was probably my first ever experience of a nasty writer's block... I've had drawing-block (yup, it exists) but never writers block... Oh, the pain...

I'll shut up now, for your sake. Happy fanfic reading & writing, people!

~Zaskaea


	6. Chapter 6: Return

An update? Two days late? Sorry! DX  
My exams have been SMOTHERING me, but I came home early today after writing twelve pages of English and History drivel. I have to stop referring to Germany, Britain, Japan, Russia and America as 'He'... I'm sure I'll confuse the examiners like hell... Damn that Hetalia obsession! :P  
Anyway, here we are. I have no idea what to think about this chapter. Writing Allen was so hard. I'm sorry if you come to hate it as much as I do.

**DISCLAIMER: Don't own -Man. If I did, Allen and Kanda would get 90% of the screen-time. That's only fair, right? XD**

* * *

If you listened closely, you might have heard the silent sound of gently rustling leaves and small twigs snapping beneath them. If you looked closely, you might have seen the desperate figure urging himself onwards through the green… his snowy white locks swaying softly as he moved unsteadily onwards.

Allen Walker's breath came in raspy bouts, hurting his chest every time he heaved in another load of air. He didn't know where he was, and he didn't really want to; there was only one thought dominating his mind at that moment. Run away.

He had heard the phone, he was sure of it. Something ringing in the background as he'd lain curled up on the bathroom floor. Then the voicemail had come on.

"_I'm gonna fucking do yer head in for not answering the fucking phone. You better be ready. Next one's up in a couple a' hours, so get your lazy little ass to work!"_

Allen had wasted no time in scrambling down the stairs at the sound of that voice and at the nature of the message, only to find that Cross had locked every door in the house. In his panic, Allen had looked out of the window and onto his quiet little road. Seeing that nobody was there, thrown the heaviest item he could find through the glass; a cast iron sculpture of a naked woman that had been resting on the mantelpiece. Once Allen had climbed out of the house (with bloodied hands) he had thrown the object into the bushes and raced into the forest-land at the bottom of his road.

The memories were still fresh, and they had driven him away from the sound of another human before he could even register his own actions. He was barely wearing anything; merely his loose jogging bottoms and his torn school blazer, and even though it was warm, his skin prickled uncomfortably at not being covered.

Hissing to himself as he felt yet another cut on his foot, Allen stumbled into a clearing. Once he had entered the forest, Allen had veered off the main path and clambered deep into the shrubbery away from prying eyes.

Going further out into the open roads would have been madness. People would see him and fuss over him… and then Cross would find out. Allen did not know what would happen from there, but somehow the thought of people knowing about what had happened to him and making a scene was more frightening than that of Cross' anger.

Allen Walker was filthy. He had let himself be violated in an awful fashion, weak against fear. People would surely toss him away if they heard about it, so maybe it was better to just… recover… and then go back.

… Or maybe… he should never go back…

The forest was not very dense, but the sunlight was still beautiful as it shone down into the clearing in delicate, warm beams. Allen collapsed onto the flattened ground, panting lightly. The ache from before was growing stronger again along with the stinging sensation on the skin of his hands and feet. Running like that had been far from a good idea.

Allen sat back, contemplating his situation.

What now, Allen? Moyashi?

Dammit! Before, Mana had always been there to help with decisions. Now, as soon as his source of advice was gone, Allen was somehow facing the most difficult decisions of his life.

Letting a few blades of lush green grass stroke his fingertips, Allen sat back and hugged his knees with one arm. Everyone else was in school now, and he was stuck in the middle of a forest. _Running like that to a place like this… was very irrational… _Allen's common sense poked through, and he groaned to himself. The voices had somehow gone, too, and that worried him. He was bored without them. He felt… a little empty.

Lying down on his side and lazily watching a spider crawl over the moss, Allen felt tears prick his eyes. He ignored them out of annoyance. It was like he couldn't stop this stupid crying! It wasn't helping anything, and he hated self pity.

_My Lord, Allen. What the hell have you got yourself into now? _The white-haired boy thought to himself. Then, frowning and hiccupping gently, another thought hit him.

… _I'm hungry._

Rolling onto his back, Allen winced when he came to lie on something hard in his blazer pocket. Shifting so he was able to get to it with his hand, the boy almost smiled when he realised it was his phone, all still in one piece. "But what should I do with you…?" He murmured, absent-mindedly tapping a few random buttons with his thumb. The blood from his hands slowly stained the little electronic device in a deep scarlet.

Allen suddenly had the urge to send a message. He didn't really know why, but he had a feeling it had to do with lifting some of the suffocating weight off his chest.

Now that the stupid voices were gone…

Allen ignored the pain he felt as he kicked his legs upwards, feeling his loose trousers flap around his ankles. He felt oddly carefree at that moment, and it showed as he began to languidly hum to himself as the sun finally reached his pale face. Was this some kind of creepy stress after-effect? No, no. Whatever. Text.

Allen gave the words he'd typed a quizzical look before snorting lightly to himself. So cliché. Maybe he should send them to Kanda, because that jerk wouldn't do anything about them anyway. He knew nothing, and he was fun to annoy.

_What the hell, Allen Walker. Suddenly taking this all so lightly?_

_Oh, hello._

Scrolling down his contacts list, Allen found Kanda's number in an instant. Lavi had given it to him, because apparently in their little friends group everyone had everyone else's' number no matter what.

… Apparently.

Typing in some extra digits, Allen sighed loudly as he disguised his number and sent the message. His phone only had half its usual battery life left, so Allen turned it off and returned it to his pocket.

Yes… he somehow felt better now.

How odd.

Texting idiots makes me feel better… but it doesn't make me feel as good as when I can yell at them directly. _Wow, messed up much?_

"Hmm…" _I should be in school now. I should be learning and laughing like a normal child, right? Surely this isn't what Mana wanted for me. _

_Shut up._

_Oh yeah, self pity._

…

_I can hear the birds… such a pretty sound… _A marred red hand was raised towards the sky, and Allen squinted at the sunlight that flowed between the fingers that now looked black against the glow. _It's almost time for the holidays. No more journeys abroad now. No more of the nice little hotels and exploring foreign cities._

_So pessimistic, Allen Walker._

… _It's such a shame…_

…

_Do you think anyone will find me out here? _Allen sat up again, wiping his eyes roughly. His feet bled slightly from all the cuts he had received by running without shoes, and as he ran a finger over the hardened skin he wondered with slight worry if the wounds would become infected. No, he'd be alright. Of course he would. Allen shook his head and rocked forwards onto his knees, once again peering up at the sky. So blue…

Wait. What was that?

Allen squinted and staggered to his feet, crying out in slight pain as he widened his legs a bit too far. There, in one of the trees… how hadn't he noticed earlier?

It was a small tree house, suspended about four metres above the ground. Settled snugly between the thick branches of one of the smaller trees, it was an inviting sight to the tired teenager. _Maybe I could go up there to rest… and… I wouldn't be seen as easily… but…_

Allen just wondered how the hell he was supposed to get up that flimsy rope ladder

* * *

The door. That had been the door, right? Kanda froze up, swearing under his breath. Of course some bugger would have to come in when he was currently sneaking around the blasted house. Crouching a bit, Kanda tightened his grip on the kitchen knife in his hand and peered cautiously out of the storeroom's door. He could just about see down the stairs.

Ah, shit. Anyone could have recognised that wild mess of red hair from miles away. The Japanese's eyes narrowed considerably as he watched Cross toss his jacket onto one of the hooks by the mirror and then slam the door behind him. Unbeknownst to him, Kanda's heart was threatening to beat its way out of his chest. The man was home early! Why now of all times!

"Oi!" The hulking redhead growled, kicking a stray shoe out of his way. "Oi, Walker! You little whoreson, where the fuck are you?"

Kanda almost growled. This man was disgusting, absolutely disgusting. The dark-haired teen crouched down further to avoid being seen and realised something. Even if Cross caught him, he wouldn't really tell; Kanda knew there was plenty of evidence in this house to create a solid case against the abhorrent drunk. However… seeing that Cross was calling for the moyashi… that meant…

Tensing as loud footsteps began to thump around the bottom floor, Kanda crept out into the hallway and peered down the stairs. Cross had his back to him, slamming doors once he was done looking into the rooms. "You little fuck! Where 'ya gone?" he yelled, completely oblivious to the fact that he had neighbours.

Ah, drunk as hell, Kanda thought dryly.

… At four in the afternoon.

_Fuck this. I have to get out._ Kanda stood up straight again and looked around him. He could get out of the window again, but the house was so small that the chances of Cross catching him were nearly a hundred percent. Back window? _Are you nuts? Fuck, yeah, probably. If I get out there, he might see me in the garden anyway. Shit._

In the meantime, Cross seemed to have given up on yelling and was swearing furiously as he reached for the fridge door. Kanda deadpanned as he caught sight of this through the stair railings. So this guy was in serious danger of getting arrested due to a massive piece of evidence having escaped and now… he was getting smashed again? Where the fuck was the sense in that?

Then the Japanese twitched as his phone began to vibrate. What the hell was up now?

From: Lenalee Lee  
_Allen still isn't answering his phone; it seems to be off. Is he ok?_

Don't ask these damn questions when I'm-!

"The fuck…?"

Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit!

The mirror, hung at an angle next to the door, had proved itself to be an enemy of Kanda's. Innocently reflecting light against the wall opposite, it also held a rather clear image of a frozen Japanese teen, glaring at the shiny surface with his incredible cerulean eyes.

Cross, too, shared a similar expression. "What the fuck…?"

Kanda, for a second, wondered whether Cross drunken state made him think the image was a hallucination, but he quickly changed his mind when Cross made his way into the kitchen, right towards the same knife stand the boy had been at earlier. Ohh man. He was so fucked.

Not wasting a moment, Kanda swung himself over the banister and landed ninja-style (although he did not stop to appreciate the irony) before sprinting into the sitting room. Cross, in the meantime, was right on his heels. "You! Little-"

The window. Ah, damn… Kanda hissed as someone grabbed onto his blazer, and his reaction was purely out of instinct; wasting no time at all, Kanda spun around and slammed his heel right into Cross' jaw, rejoicing at the pained sound it caused. However, Cross was a great deal bigger than him and obviously not so easy to beat. The tall man recovered quickly before Kanda could scramble onto the couch and directed a strong punch in the fleeing teen's direction, growling like an animal when it was deftly blocked. Kanda had no will to use his knife, as it could well end with him in trouble with the police. However, this man was attacking him, and he was brutal. "Huh!"

Cross stumbled forwards with the force of his punch, and the quick Japanese leapt out of the way, ramming a foot into the man's side to help him to the floor. Kanda wasn't sure what had cracked; a rib or the furniture the guy had landed on. Driven by the adrenalin coursing through his body, Kanda punched Cross right in the gut to get the man to let go of him, for his arm had been grabbed as the redhead went down. Swearing as the punch caused Cross to reflexively ram a knee right into Kanda's gut, the Japanese landed on top of him, wheezing loudly. He could smell the alcohol on Cross breath and damn, it was disgusting.

Shit. This guy was so… strong! Kanda knew that his luck had currently been mostly due to the alcohol in Cross' system, but now where both were winded…

Damn it! How the fuck did he even get into a fight like this!

Kanda struggled upwards, slamming his elbows into Cross' ribcage for extra measure. He had to get out, and even then his house wasn't an option. Cross was a violent man, and Kanda didn't doubt for a second that he'd come back for revenge. As a result of the powerful elbowing, Cross swore loudly and released Kanda's arm, allowing the Japanese to pull away and leap onto the couch, letting out a hiss of pain as he vaulted himself over the window frame; his stomach hurt like a bitch from the tall man's knee colliding with it.

Kanda landed in the front garden in a crouching position, still vexed by the fact that nobody seemed to be around at all. Groaning when he noticed he'd lost his hair tie, Kanda struggled down the road as fast as he could, hiding the scratches on his arm with his sleeve.

Well, what now? Fucking fantastic. _I could get done for trespassing. I don't even want to know what _Cross _could get done for…_

Still, that one question still bugged him more than anything.

Where the fuck was Allen Walker?

* * *

Allen stared up at the neat wood panelling with a placid expression. The sun shone through the gaps so nicely, and all he could hear was the gentle rustling of the leaves outside. How long had he been lying like this? Hours, maybe?

He'd made it into the tree house, although he'd needed to take it with both feet on one step at a time. He had to keep his legs together, it seemed. He wasn't quite sure just how bad the bruising really was, or what had actually… what it…

Allen had decided he wasn't going back. He'd have to do what a sensible person would do; seek help from the police. However, the thought frightened him so much that he pushed it away every time it crossed his mind. Why? He didn't know.

Allen blinked his mercury eyes slowly, feeling his long, feminine lashes stroke his cheek as they closed. He rolled onto his side, curling up and hugging his blazer to his bare torso. He felt a light breeze blowing on his back through the tear.

So quiet… Allen decided he liked the quiet. He could hear every one of his thoughts clearly and there was nobody else around.

Nobody else around…

Allen sat up then. He was slightly bored, he had to admit, and those boxes resting in the corner of the tree house really were curious. What bothered Allen was that this place seemed to still be in use, as it was clear of leaves on the inside and there were a few recently emptied cans of coke lying around. Never mind.

Leaning forwards slightly, the white-haired teen reached out and pulled a coloured, red box towards him. It was small and seemingly packed full, because the lid didn't quite sit properly. Lifting the top, Allen's eyebrows rose as he saw what was inside.

"M-manga…?" Allen murmured aloud, reaching inside. My goodness. How many Jump magazines could you fit in one box…?

Pulling one out, Allen flipped the first page aside and smiled when he looked inside. He remembered some of these. Naruto, One Piece… now Allen really wanted to know who these belonged to. Reaching for another box, a blue one this time, Allen was horrified by what he found. The covers of the small books looked suggestive enough.

Were these… doujinshis…?

Turning a fair shade of scarlet, Allen replaced the lid and thanked God that nobody had seen him look. This was getting creepy. Debating whether exploring the third box was really a good idea, Allen decided he should and discovered a first aid kit. Rejoicing at the sight of painkillers, Allen removed a tablet from its casing and took it dry. The little pill went down with a little difficulty, but after multiple swallows Allen felt it travel further down his gullet. Maybe he could use some of the bandages, too.

However, before he did, Allen opened the final box. Whoever came here was obviously very prepared, because this box was filled to the brim with junk food and drinks cans. Allen knew it was wrong of him to just take it. Someone had bought this and taken the effort to bring it here, but… he hadn't eaten since…

Allen froze.

Was that someone breathing? Were those footsteps? Was someone in the clearing? Were they coming into the tree house? Could they see him? Why were they here? What should he do? Wha-

"Mo… moyashi…?"

That voice. No. No! Allen scrambled into the corner of the tree house in his panic, knocking over the manga box as he did. The books fell out with silent thumps, but they seemed unusually loud to the young whitehead.

Kanda Yuu was staring at him through the main entrance, standing away far enough to get a good view of that almost glowing white hair. Allen made himself as small as possible, although he knew it was useless. Kanda had seen him, and Kanda was coming, but…

What had happened to him?

Allen had barely glanced at Kanda before he'd backed off, but the Japanese teen looked far from alright. His glossy black hair was now tangled and cascaded down his back, completely loose. He looked very out of breath, too, and there was a massive bruise on his arm where his sleeve had been rolled up.

"Che, Moyashi!" Kanda repeated, breaking into a run. "What the fuck?"

Allen stayed still as a statue, watching Kanda climb skilfully up the rope ladder. He didn't know what the hell he should do, and he was mentally drowning in a sea of questions again.

Kanda just stared.

The moyashi… well… apart from being half naked, he… Kanda's tone became even more serious, and it was clear that the boy was trying to keep his voice level. "You're going to answer me right now, and I want the fucking truth. What the hell is going on here?"

Allen couldn't answer. He couldn't tell. He just…

That was when Kanda's fury took over and he grabbed Allen's arm, forcing him out of the foetal position.

Their eyes locked, only for a millisecond. Then Allen screamed.

Kanda withdrew with lightning speed, completely shocked. Allen looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack again, but this time the boy's actions gave the elder an insight on what could have happened.

"I won't touch you, for fuck's sake! Calm down and shut up!" Allen was trembling all over, and had tears streaming down his face. Kanda felt slightly bad for making the kid cry, but… What the hell had happened! That's what he wanted to know. Kanda decided to squeeze information out of the boy slowly, with dialogue. He didn't want to have to deal with a weeping fifteen year-old, for Kami's sake. "I had a fight with Cross." He muttered as he reached for the first aid box, waiting for Allen's reaction. It was instantaneous.

Allen's breath hitched, and Kanda was surprised when he actually spoke. "Did he hurt you…?" Allen whispered, the words riding on a shuddering breath. Kanda blinked. Was the moyashi worried about him? How stupid.

"I hurt him more." Kanda ground out, wiping an area on his arm off where Cross had scratched him deeply. Tossing the antiseptic wipe aside, he faced Allen directly. Damn, he had to be verbal for this.

"I don't know what the fuck happened, and the only reason I fucking care is because I hate the bastard you're living with. You tell me what's happened or I take you right to the fucking police."

Oh, the moyashi didn't seem to like the word 'police' at all. "No." he whimpered, still crying uncontrollably. "Please don't."

"Then give me a fucking reason as to why I shouldn't!" Kanda yelled loudly. This idiot was unbelievable. "Look at yourself, baka! Are you just going to curl up and die in Lenalee and usagi's fucking tree house or what?"

Allen shook his head harshly, choking on his breath. "What else should I do…?" he sobbed. "You don't care, Cross doesn't care, and Mana isn't here to care anymore either. If I cause so much-"

"Shut up. Shut the fuck up!" Kanda snapped. Allen did, although his bloodshot eyes were wide with confusion. "I don't need your sob stories. I've just found a kid in the middle of a fucking forest looking like he was used for punching practise, and he's fucking crying and won't let me touch him. I don't know what the hell to do apart from get help!"

Allen turned away with a sad gaze, only to feel something soft hit him a second later. It was Kanda's blazer. "Put the fucking thing on. I don't want to have to look at your screwed up self anymore."

_Yes… you have seen too much of my screwed up self already…_

Confused and recovering from his tears, Allen did as Kanda said. Two blazers were weird, but it was definitely more pleasant.

"K-Kanda." Oh, the moyashi was actually starting the conversation this time? Kanda didn't even face him; he simply continued to dab at his cuts. "It's… w-weird… I want to tell you…"

_Well then why the fuck don't you?_

"But… how did you… get so hurt…?"

He looked so different with his silky hair down… almost feminine… Kanda paused, turning to face Allen. "None of your fucking business! What the hell happened to you, more like!"

The younger boy bit his lip and curled up again, avoiding the piecing gaze directed at him. Kanda sighed before answering in a strained tone.

"… The window was fucking smashed. Some shithead could have been raiding your house."

Kanda was being surprisingly verbal, Allen noted. And surprisingly civil… "But you… I thought you didn't care-"

"And I don't!"

Ok, then. Conversation over. So far…

"Allen." Oh, that got the whitehead's attention alright. Allen's head whipped around and he stared at Kanda with wide eyes, completely mystified. Did Kanda just… "You're hurt, and need attention. What. Happened?"

Did he just… This wasn't Kanda, was it? Was that a worried expression on his face? No way.

"I won't tell anyone, dammit! I have a few ideas, but… fuck, moyashi. Why do I bother?" Kanda sighed and turned away, slumping against the wall opposite to Allen. He ran a thin hand through his long, dark hair and pushed his fringe out of eyes, frowning deeply. Allen swallowed, feeling his throat hurt as it constricted. This was it.

"He sold me."

"Che?"

"He sold me." Allen choked out again, with newly gained confidence. _Now this, Allen Walker, is what you're supposed to be like. _"He sold me! To a person! Then this stranger… came and…"

Kanda was listening to every word, eyes narrowed with apparent concern. Allen forced himself to bring out the next part. So much weight would be gone. So much… "He raped me. Dammit, he raped me, Kanda! Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy now?" Allen broke down then, tears once again streaming down his bruised cheeks. He couldn't stop them, or the sobs wracking his frame. Now it was gone again, that confidence. Where… where had it come from anyway…?

"As soon as nobody is fucking well watching, things go wrong…" Was that Kanda talking? "Che. Moyashi."

This was almost like chatting… but… the topic didn't suite that thought at all. "H-huh…?" Allen breathed.

"You had better listen to me now. We're going to get that fucker Cross behind bars, and I need you to fucking well co-operate-"

Allen's heart seemed to constrict as it was gripped by fear once more. "I won't show myself. I'm dirty, filthy, and I let myself be-"

"Shut up. Just shut up!" Kanda breathed out deeply, his complexion tinted red by his anger. "You didn't do a fucking thing, and if you don't stop with this guilt thing I'll…" _Yeah, threaten him with Mugen and make everything worse. _"You need medical attention." Kanda finished lamely.

Allen couldn't deny the fact that Kanda was right. He needed to be checked if he liked it or not, and his bruises needed to be looked at. That was when Allen suddenly realised something.

He was grateful to Kanda.

The teen had walked in here, broken Allen's rule of withdrawal and convinced him to…

"Kanda…?"

"Che."

"I… th-thank you."

"For fucking what?" Kanda looked genuinely surprised, and Allen let a sad smile grace his lips. Was the Japanese really so oblivious?

"N-never mind. I'll go to the hospital… but only if…" the whitehead paused, hugging the blazers to his shoulders tightly.

"Spit it out already, dammit!"

"Will y-you come with me?"

The silence was lethal, but Allen didn't notice. "The fuck…?"

"Nobody else… they…"

Kanda couldn't say no. The word was trying to fight its way off his tongue, screaming to be let out, but he just couldn't let it out. This kid had just confided in him something that he seemed unable to voice to anyone else, and now he seemed to be… depending on him?

Why did that make Kanda feel oddly responsible? Dammit! There it was again! The Stupid 'responsible-for-the-moyashi' thing!

"Alright." The Japanese teen's voice was stony, but Allen knew Kanda's tone was a cover-up. A sudden funny feeling overtook Allen's mind, and he burst into tears again, making Kanda jump.

"The fuck! Stop fucking crying! It's annoying!"  
_I don't know what Kanda is. At first, he was a stranger. Then he became an enemy… and afterwards a kind of comfort… and now…_

_What is Kanda Yuu?_

_What is Kanda Yuu to Allen Walker?_

"Th-thank you. Thank you. Thank you-"

"Kami, dammit! SHUT UP!"

Allen's quiet laugh was barely audible, but for a second he was back again. Back in the time where Allen Walker was always smiling, in a time where he had people who could change him like Kanda did.

_Because maybe… as long as Kanda is here… I'm ok.  
_

* * *

There we go. Yeah, the tree house is Lavi and Lenalee's, probably still for their younger days. I like to think of it as Lavi's 'romatic hideout'. XD  
Kanda doesn't use it; he only went there because he knows there's a first-aid kit inside. Just thought I'd clear that one up. Sorry for the OOC-ness, if you thought there was any!  
I'm in France this weekend with my school_... _so no update this weekend. However, I'm going to get typing for real in the holidays, and hopefully get a few more chapters up. I also have yet to kick this stupid writer's block in the ass. It always comes right in the middle of a chapter.

I'll take my leave now._ Reviews are always appreciated! *_Yay! Almost at 50!*_  
_~Zaskaea_  
_


	7. Chapter 7: Mirror

I didn't update. I know, I know. I can't apologise enough.

Through the holidays, I was occupied with surprise guests, and then some other crap happened. So now I have a… erm… quite damaged right hand and bruised left hand that won't be good again for quite a while. I can't write, or type, for that matter: this makes school, operating computers, drawing and writing fanfics hell. This is why I would like to thank an amazing friend of mine for typing this up for me as I sit here and rant to her. She's the reason this chapter is finally up. You're a star, Feezles.

(Yeeah, because Zaskaea is stupid and was climbing on very high sharp things when she shouldn't have been O.o LOL)  
Yes, yes, whatever. Here we are. If this chapter is written in quite a 'talking' fashion –now that I read it, it kinda is -_-;;- that's not intentional. It's hard to… type when you're not. Sorry!

This chapter is sort of Kanda-centric. Just saying.

**DISCLAIMER BY FEEZLES: If I owned -Man, Kanda would constantly forget to take the pills that restrain his actual crazy sex drive, Allen would be into BDSM and Lavi would be WEARING NO UNDERWEAR TODAY!** **Because that would be HOT. AS. HELL. :D Soo... as you can see... I DON'T own anything. Man, the people who won't let me have it are really missing out.**

* * *

Kanda didn't like this feeling one bit. No, in fact he hated it. Kanda Yuu did not, and would never, show any major weakness. It would be damaging to his reputation, and to his own thoughts about himself.

He had tried very, very hard to conceal the absolute shock that had gone through him when the moyashi uttered those horrifying words.

"He sold me."

The moyashi couldn't have noticed. He couldn't have noticed that really, Kanda was deeply appalled by the possible meanings of that one phrase. He was enraged. He wanted to go right back to Cross' house and show that guy just how much Kanda could really hurt him.

But he couldn't reveal it to the moyashi. The boy might panic if Kanda panicked, so Kanda did not. Kanda Yuu stayed calm, relaxed and dismissive.

Or maybe that had been too unrealistic. Maybe Allen had actually thought something was off. Somebody else might have gasped, had wide eyes, become anxious.

But…

Kanda Yuu was calm.

Why was this worrying Kanda so much? Did it really even matter?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Was Allen judgemental? Was Kanda just paranoid?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Kanda was unnerved by his own behaviour. It was almost embarrassing, this intense fear of changing the personality he'd set for himself. He couldn't even…

One idiot. One idiot was making his head spin like this. One idiot had come into this town and since then more had happened to Kanda that would have usually happened to him in a year.

Oh, Kami really hated him right now, huh?

However, Kanda kept his cold expression.

Almost all the way to the hospital, through the forest, Kanda had been having this mental argument. Why did his actions suddenly matter so much?

"Che, Moyashi." He'd said on the way, stopping momentarily on the path. Allen, walking some metres in front of him, had turned with weary eyes, blinking at the frozen Kanda.

"Hm, Kanda?"

"Why me?"

The silence had been an odd one. Not really a awkward lack of sound, or one where you felt the urge to fill it because it was frightening. It was a thinking kind of silence.

Allen frowned shortly. "What…"

"Why the fuck am I the one that's babying you like this?" Kanda's tone was sharp, with an icy edge Allen did not miss. The whitehead flinched.

"I… you're the only one who's seen me like I am now, Kanda."

That answer was curious, and surprising to the blue eyed Japanese. Almost a mirror to his own thoughts, except that Kanda had already seen far too much of Allen's vulnerable state for his own liking already. _Is that it? _"And why the fuck does that matter?"

A hollow question: Kanda just wanted to hear from Allen the same answer already sealed into his own mind.

Allen's eyes were pressed shut as hard as his lips were pressed together. "I promised someone I would never be weak. Nobody else can know about this. They'll…"

_Think…_

"… think…"

_... Think I'm…_

"… I-I'm-"

_Weak. _

"Weak."

"…"

A deep, shuddering breath. Kanda watched the moyashi with growing fury. "Nobody wants weak people." Allen stated a little forcefully, his voice becoming choked up. "I can't allow myself to get frail just because of what's happened. Just then I forgot. I was confused. But now I remember-"

"Shut up!"

Allen stepped backwards, taken completely by surprise. "K-Kanda?"

The Japanese boy's tone was no longer stiff and collected. This Kanda wasn't even just angry. There was something else in the way he spoke; something hateful and vehement. Fisting his hands, the Japanese teen didn't even part his teeth as he continued. "Shut the fuck up! Do you even know what the fuck you're saying?" he yelled, making Allen shrink back yet further.

"Kanda, I-"

"It fucking hurts, doesn't it?"

"Kanda…"

"It hurts so fucking much. People like you make me so fucking _sick_." _I make myself sick._

Now the silence was different. This time it was the frightening type, a pregnant pause with a dark air to it.

Allen's breath hitched in his throat. He didn't know what Kanda was trying to say, or why he was so furious. All he knew that was that he was afraid of this Kanda.

"Why don't you stop lying?" Kanda hissed, evidently making an effort to calm himself down. "Why don't you just tell the fucking truth?"

That was when Allen snapped. "I am telling the truth! What the hell did you think I was-"

"It's a pretty mask. It's too fucking pretty."

Allen blinked.

"That's why it's so fucking disgusting."

Leaves rustled in the distance, but Allen heard nothing. The cogs in his mind were spinning at a breakneck pace, too fast for him to register. He didn't understand. Finally he spoke. "I'm sorry if I've done something wrong." He almost whispered. "Whatever's bothering you… I'm sorry." _I seem to have hurt Kanda. I don't like hurting people._

Kanda was slowly composing himself. Pressing his eyes shut and placing a fist before his mouth, he let the air rush out of his nose slowly. "You don't get it, moyashi. You're an idiot. I told you." Allen shuffled uncomfortably, becoming slowly irritated with Kanda's indirect answers. "You're so fake."

That made Allen's heart sting in a very strange way, even though Kanda hadn't even sworn. _You're very fake. _

"Why the fuck are you so different with me, and fucking sugar and rainbows with everyone else?"

Allen thought about it for a moment. "People want perfect friends. People want to know others who don't pile their problems on them." …_Right?_

"That's bullshit."

Allen coughed in surprise, suddenly irritated. "Coming from _you_, Kanda, that's…"

"I'm going to take a guess." Kanda said sternly, crossing his long arms. "And you will tell nobody about me saying this."

_Huh…?_

"I don't really know what the fuck made you get such a fucking crazy idea, but I think it's something to do with the fact that nobody ever bothered to deal with _you_."

"What…?"_Why is he suddenly talking so much...?_

"If that Mana guy you don't ever fucking well shut up about is the guy who died in that crash… Nobody afterwards bothered to really take time for you, to think about the shit you went through. That made you think you were a problem."

_He's reading my mind. _Allen felt the tears in his eyes, but he wiped them away furiously.

But Kanda wouldn't shut up."You're a fucking idiot, no matter how many times I have to repeat that shit to you, you just don't get it. There are plenty of people now who would listen to you, fucktard, so why don't you just let them? Let me tell you the fucking truth. We all know about what happened. We know almost every single fucking thing that happened. You've got no shit to hide. Just stop pestering me."

Allen shook slightly, stunned by the revelation.

"Someone in this town heard about you. Then Lavi found out. And if Lavi knows something, then soon every idiot in the place knows. People aren't forceful, moyashi. They wait for you to come to them. You fucking well didn't."

Allen was crying openly now, and Kanda wasn't sure just what he was saying anymore. He couldn't stop himself.

However, he knew why. It was what he'd been trying to tell himself for all these years, but now…

_I didn't even let mother in. What kind of a human am I?_

"Nobody's perfect, baka." _Neither are you. You're the least perfect one here._

Then Kanda swore loudly and began to walk again.

Hospital.

… Yeah, hospital. That's where they'd been going.

Allen just cried.

* * *

The sound of the stereo was gentle in Kanda's room, the soft piano notes fitting oddly well with the warm sunlight flooding through the window.

Kanda didn't want to move. He was too tired… The days were suddenly moving so fast.

Cross had disappeared.

On bringing Allen to the hospital, the boy had been completely out of it. His tears still hadn't stopped, and when the nurses immediately decided on treating him as soon as possible, the confused boy had screamed as soon as their fingers had brushed his skin. It had been quite a disturbing experience.

Kanda had needed to stay back, explaining how he'd found Allen and what Allen had told him.

Then the police arrived, and did the same, only more rigourously. Kanda's fury at being labelled a suspect was almost overwhelming, until he'd mentioned Cross. However, once Cross was researched, the horrible discoveries were made.

History of drug abuse, alcoholism, huge debts. It all made sense.

From there, things went downhill. The man had fled by the time the police reached his house to question him. The car was gone and the house was empty. Cross' trademark coat was no longer on its hook, and none of Allen's personal belongings had been found.

Allen had to see a therapist for his Haphephobia, and his panic attacks were more frequent than ever.

Worst of all, Lavi and Lenalee found out about everything.

Too much, too fast.

Kanda pressed his palms into his eye sockets. His headache was driving him crazy. Those painkillers were useless.

Maybe he should ring Lavi and yell at him for a bit, but maybe it wasn't such a good idea since the moyashi was there, being looked after by old Bookman. Yelling at Lenalee would be insanity and would only end in brutal castration via Komui robots. The 'scientist' tried making one that cut vegetables for cooking purposes last month, but the small device was as much a fail as anything else mechanical the man tried to create. How Lenalee lived with that nutcase was a mystery to Kanda.

Hopefully the next failed vegetable cutter would get a virus and attack Komui or something.

The sound of the piano continued to grace Kanda's ears, and for a second he remembered Lenalee telling him that the moyashi could play, too.

_Wonder how good that baka is._

Kanda groaned. Really, why did he care?

Rolling over and climbing off his bed, the teen glanced outside. Cross' house was still out of bounds, being watched in case the man came back. The progress made by the police was unknown to Kanda, but apparently Cross' treatment of the moyashi was a serious offence.

"_You're very fake."_

Kami, that phrase was like the plague to Kanda now. Since the moment it left his lips, it had haunted the Japanese to an unnerving extent.

Frowning, Kanda decided to attempt the unthinkable. _You're very fake. _He thought to himself. Then he tried something else. …_Kanda's very fake._

The teen winced. Wow. The truth hurt like a bitch.

_I used to smile, _Kanda thought grimly. _How weird. And…_

_Maybe what I said to the moyashi wasn't totally true._

"Fuck." Kanda muttered out loud over the sound of the piano music. The word almost seemed to clash with the gentle notes being played.

_At least he's fucking trying. At least he really does smile, even if it's all false. I don't even attempt it. Now, which of us does this make the worse one?_

That was quite a hard question, Kanda realised with a dire expression.

Then the phone rang, rescuing him from the new dilemma. Pausing the music, Kanda walked over to his desk and picked up the call.

"Kanda residence." He spoke. "Yuu Kanda spe-"

"Yuu? My goodness, are you alright?" The familiar Japanese sounding through the phone calmed Kanda down quite well.

"Kachan." Kanda replied in the same language, realising just how depressed he'd sounded just then. "I'm fine…?"

A sigh was heard. "I wanted to call to see how you are. I didn't have time for the past few days, and I'm so sorry, dear."

"It's alright." Kanda murmured, surprised by his own ease. "I hope you're alright, too."

"Yuu…?"

_Damn it. Even Mother…_

"Yuu, you're not on your man-period for once?" that was followed by a giggle, and Kanda felt the urge to facepalm. His mother was almost forty, for Kami's sake, not some kind of immature teenager. "Did something happen that I should know about?"

"Kachan, noth-"

"Is it a girl?"

Ok, facepalm for real this time. "No. Not a girl." Now Kanda's voice was stiff again. Hasuko just laughed again. "I was just teasing, Yuu-"

"'S Just good to hear from you."

There was an awkward pause, and Kanda suddenly felt awful. His mother was surprised about something like that. She was surprised because most other sons would always be nice to their loving parents, appreciate their concern, and be concerned for them. "Honey…"

"There's just so much shit going on at the moment. Sorry. It's just a relief to come back to some fu-… damn sanity."

"What happened, Yuu?" Hasuko sounded worried, and Kanda could almost see her panicky expression. He had to be careful. His mother was very easily worked up.

"The neighbours." He offered shortly.

Hasuko sighed. "That man… Cross… hasn't been bothering you, has he?"

"No. Not me."

Hasuko paused. "Then what happened, honey?"

Kanda bit his lip. He didn't want to worry the woman, but Hasuko was an expert at identifying fibs. "It's the boy who moved in."

"Oh, this Allen Walker?" Kanda's mother enquired. "You don't get on?"

"No, that's not it…"

"Ah, you have befriended him? That's wonderful, Yuu."

Kanda raised his eyebrows and growled irritably. His mother had an annoying habit of jumping to conclusions. "No. He's just a damn trouble magnet."

"Ah, and this is affecting you?"

_Well, no… and yes…_

Ah, crap! "I'm always the one who ends up dealing with it!"

"You can't let people rope you into sorting out their problems for them, Yuu."

"That's not it, for Kami's sake!" Kanda burst out, immediately regretting his harsh tone.

Hasuko, taken back by Kanda's sudden forcefulness, was silent for a few seconds.

"I'm here to listen, Yuu." She said finally, and Kanda realised that his mother had once again read him like a book.

Over. The. Fucking. Phone!

Kanda dropped onto his head, feeling the mattress sink below him. Only his mother had ever seen him any other way… but… well, maybe…

"Kachan." Kanda murmured, a strange feeling creeping into his body. "I'm sorry."

_Woah, where's normal Kanda? What have you done with him?_

_Shut up! Just for one fucking second!_

"I think I just need to get this out. I feel like such a fucking bastard." He brought out, kneading his sharp knuckles against his forehead.

Hasuko didn't even complain about his swearing. Kanda was grateful for the fast that his mother was such an understanding person. Why didn't he take advantage of that quality more often?

Huh?

"I said things that were hypocritical, and now I've got people making me go completely fucking crazy because If I kept this up around them, it would just be… wrong."

Over the phone, Hasuko was nearing tears. She hadn't heard this side of her son for years.

The cold shell he had made for himself seemed gone; he was the same boy from before his father's death. A usual, curious boy; moody but lovable, Hasuko had missed her old son more than she could ever express to Kanda.

She wished she could be there with him. She suddenly wanted to hug her little boy, show him just how happy she was. However, her crying could wait; he needed her right now.

Still, she wondered what on Earth could have caused this incredible change.

"I feel fucking responsible for someone I've known maybe just a little over a damn week now."

"…"

"It's pissing me off, because even thought I just wish they'd go the fuck away, they won't. They're just there, dammit, and the worst thing is they cling to me like a fucking… just… shit! What the hell! They can weep their fucking eyes out to me and as soon as some other fucker shows up that disgusting, phony smile is there again."

"Yuu-"

Kanda gripped the phone yet tighter, continuing his building rant. "Whenever it's me. Always me. I don't want to see all this shit! Can't he go the fuck away and cry to someone else?"

"Kanda Yuu, do you recall a word such as 'trust'?"

Kanda finally stopped, completely stunned. "Trust?" he repeated stupidly. Then it hit him.

"If this is Allen Walker you speak of, then he obviously trusts you in a way you cannot understand. I want you to listen to what I say now, Yuu, without any interruptions. Allen Walker could very well be emotionally unstable. I'm going to be straight here, honey. After… after father died, you changed. You changed a lot, Yuu. Allen has most likely changed, too, but he is afraid. He wants to be his usual self, but he is afraid of what people will think. He thinks that if he tells people about his problems, they won't want to know him anymore. Does this ring any bells, Yuu?"

Kanda flinched. Dammit, of course it did.

"You're the person he has chosen to show his true self to, I guess. You should feel quite proud, Yuu. You should respect the boy's decision."

Kanda grit his teeth. "Ka-"

"You never did this, though, Yuu. You never even tried. It was very damaging to me."

She was finally saying it. Out loud. Kanda was suddenly afraid. He wanted to hang up. He didn't want to hear all the things his mother would say about him. The guilt. It was too great. "Look what happened to you, honey. You may be stronger than Allen, but on the other hand, Allen is stronger for having the guts to show someone what he really feels. I don't know about him, Yuu, but I do think that you should take notice of the attention he gives you and return it. I'll repeat it. You're the one he's chosen, alright? Sounds corny, honey, but it's about as true as it can get."

Kanda said nothing for while. Hasuko, understanding her son's silence perfectly, waited patiently.

"I told him that the way he acted was fake. I told him to stop pestering me. I told him others could be there instead."

"Yuu… you are going to apologise."

"What?"

"Don't start like that again. Apologise. Like a real man."

_Like a WHAT?_

"Mother." Kanda began in English. "What shitty movies have you been watching this time?"

Hasuko laughed. The heavy tension disappeared almost instantly, and Kanda felt at ease again. His mother's melodic laugh could work wonders, that much was certain.

"Do you really want to know?" the woman replied in a teasing tone, and Kanda shook his head as he answered.

"No. No."

"Well then, Yuu. I'll have to be off. We're going to Tokyo, isn't that amazing?"

Kanda vaguely remembered the Japanese capital from his early childhood. "Hm."

"Ah, well, you seem fascinated." Hasuko joked, before her tone became serious. "I'll ring again tomorrow, ok? Your favourite guy says hi, too."

Kanda sniffed in distaste. "Che…"

"Bye, honey! Hear from you tomorrow! And don't you dare forget what I said. This was a serious conversation, Yuu."

Then, she hung up. Kanda blinked.

When his mother did that, she was either upset, angry or meant real business. Oh, shit. What the heck had he gotten himself into?

"Fuck…" Kanda muttered, tossing the phone onto the floor.

Too much. Too fast.

Kanda looked up with tired eyes as he heard his mobile vibrate on the bedside table. Please. You fucking phones. Stop ringing.

He almost ignored it, until he saw the name appearing on the screen above the 'new voicemail' message.

_Moyashi._

He hadn't talked to the baka since he left the hospital.

Yeah, fate was officially screwing with Kanda Yuu.

"_K-Kanda… It's Allen. You probably don't want to talk to me right now. I'm sorry for crying like I did. I-I… I want to see you. Just talk. I can't stand this. Lavi and Bookman are nice, but they aren't… they just try too hard. Can you maybe call back? I can't seem to reach you. I know you hate me, and I'm really sorry, but… seriously Kanda, I want to talk to you. Um, I might try to text you if you don't ring back, but I-"_

Kanda stopped the recording.

No more. Please, dammit.

But…

_Like a real man. What the fuck IS a real man?_

Determined and at the same time angry, Kanda scrolled down his contacts list and hit 'call'. The phone rang only twice before someone picked up.

Allen's voice was groggy and tired, muffled through the phone. "Hello?"

Suddenly, Kanda didn't know what to say. The usual? Some offensive crap with the 'f-word' thrown in at every opportunity? "Moyashi."

Maybe the silence following that one word had given the moyashi the wrong message, because soon some rustling was heard from over the phone before Allen's voice replied, evidently flustered. "K-Kanda, I'm so sor-"

_Dammit, shitty impression. _"Che, shut up."

That command, every time. However, Allen obeyed.

"I'm coming round in half an hour." Kanda continued in a monotone.

Allen's voice was frantic when he replied. "But Kanda, Lavi and Bookman have gone out to-"

"You wanted to talk to me, for fuck's sake!" Oops.

"Yes. Yes, I did." Allen seemed suddenly confident, and his tone was stronger.

"Good." Kanda grunted, and then he hung up.

Oh, Kami. Kanda was screwed. Kanda as in usual Kanda.

Deciding that he should get the hell out before his mind automatically chaged, the Japanese grabbed his overcoat and left his room in a hurry.

Only to run back in a second later to turn off the stereo.

* * *

Steel grey eyes watched the mobile as it was dropped gently onto a pillow. Even as the backlight turned off, the eyes continued to stare.

_Kanda Yuu… _Allen rolled over on the bed, his snowy hear spreading out behind him like a little halo. … _Is a mystery._

_He is a mystery I would like to decipher. Maybe what Lavi told me about him has something to do with what he said. Maybe he does understand me after all._

It was almost a strange thought, Kanda understanding. Kanda Yuu did not sympathise with people. He did not have time for stupid emotions, right? That's what Lavi said.

But even Lavi's expression was not truthful. Just like Lenalee's and Bookman's.

Allen had come to a strange decision. He wanted to see the real Kanda Yuu just as much as he wanted to become real Allen Walker again.

Amongst all these disastrous distractions…

But things were looking better. There was no more Cross, and if there was, he would never see Allen again. There were no terrifying men coming to... _don't think about that, Allen._

His friends were right beside him, and the bed he had was soft.

_And this window has curtains._

Although Allen knew he still had problems, he wanted to get over them. Apparently he'd grown a 'backbone', as Lavi said. He liked the feeling of this backbone, this sudden ability to make decisions for himself, to have confidence when he needed it.

Smiling widely as he faced the white ceiling, Allen closed his eyes and hugged his blankets with warm hands.

_I think I know what this is. _

_Hm, what is it then?_

…

The smile grew yet further, and Allen practically shone.

_It's a bit of real Allen Walker._

* * *

Phoo. Over! This was so hard to come up with and took a LONG time to get done. I'm very bad with doing real life situations DX. I hope next time I'll be doing the typing. This really sucks. I want to draw, so badly.

Bye for now! Review at will!  
~Zaskaea

(Feezles: Think we did ok? I helped a bit, too, kinda :D You probably dun notice it though since my own writing is rubbish-sauce XD We were listening to 'Satellite' by Miki and 'Suicide and Redemption' by Metallica on repeat for two hours straight. Statellite so doesn't fit this story but hey hey hey whatevs. Doo do do do doo DOO, Do do do do doo DOO~! Who do you think will win Eurovision this year? Lol, just a question. ~(The semi-finals are Zaski's b-day! You're getting old, bestie!)~ probably doesn't know about this epic A/N, 'cos I'm uploading this fanfic as well as having typed it up. She's just gone to change her bandage *her hand looks ICKY, like all mashed D:*

Bye! Maybe I'll be here next time too. Depends. I feel kinda funky for having a part in creating this story now ^^)

~Feezles

P.S.: I didn't know how da fuuuuggg to spell 'Haphephobia' & Microsoft Word didn't recognise it O.O Had to use the GOOGLE. Zat be embarrassing.


	8. Chapter 8: Touch

Wow! We kept the schedule! However, next weekend BOTH OF US are on a trip to Berlin, where there will be no Note (Zaskaea's laptop) and certainly no Wi-Fi or spare time. This chapter is 1 ½ pages longer than usual, just as a tiny bit more while we're gone. We're very sorry about this. We have so many language trips... O.O

Can we just say, this story is so freakin' hard to write! Keeping Kanda in character is the biggest bummer ever, and Zaskaea is so paranoid that she's failing at it. That's why we're going with 'Kanda-as-civil-as-he-can-get-before-snapping' once again. After all, he's not going to go '100% nasty Kanda' on Allen as he is right now. We're sure the guy has at least _some_ conduct. Please bear with us! D

(The feedback we got for our last chapter, which we initially thought was awful, was absolutely AMAZING! :D) So, here's more speak-typing for you!

**DISCLAIMER: We don't own -Man, but we guess that for now we're happy to be able to just write fanfics for it.** **:)**

* * *

The corridor was unfamiliar, just like everything else. It was confusing scenery, and it surrounded everything. Vines? Bushes? Trees? Inside a building? What building was this, anyway? What were all these glass shards on the floor? What-

_Oh, no. Questions! No questions! This has to stop! I said it had to stop!_

**Ring!**

Someone was running. The sense of danger was overwhelming, creeping up on the little white figure like… like…

He can't catch up. I can run faster than this. Can… Images really move this fast…?

**Rrriiiiing!**

But they're _not real!_

I'm crying, aren't I? I shouldn't be crying, this-

**RRRRRINGG!**

Allen's eyes hot open and he gasped, immediately feeling the thick layer of sweat lining his brow and the tears lining his cheeks. No way. Not again. He thought he'd get over this. Every time he shut his eyes for the short time he did, this…

_Maybe Lavi was right. Maybe this will stay with me longer than I thought._

_The nightmares might never go away…_

All that therapy. All those kind words. It didn't help. They came back like the plague.

I…

Wait. The door.

Scrambling out of the bed and cursing himself for falling asleep in such a short time, Allen jumped up and clambered down the stairs, reluctant to face the wrath of left-standing-at-the-door-too-long-Kanda. The Japanese would have to deal with the pyjamas and the messy hair, though. Allen wiped his face hurriedly with his sleeve, trying to get rid of the dampness. _So what if he teases me!_

Allen glanced through the peep-hole in the door and immediately recognised the dark-haired youth waiting there with a sour expression. He had vowed to check who was outside when the bell rang, for obvious reasons.

Alright. This was it. _Don't chicken out now._

Slowly opening the door, Allen met Kanda's scrutinising gaze. His manners kicked in before his cheek did, however. Were these the nerves already? "I'm sorry." He apologised quickly, opening the door to its fullest extent. Kanda snorted and, ignoring the apology, entered the house with a swift gait. His expression grew tired as he eyed the building's disastrous interior. Lavi's place was and always had been a royal mess. You couldn't even get to the kitchen without stepping on at least ten books. Knowing the house was no better in any of the other rooms, Kanda instead directed his attention to the moyashi.

"What the fuck happened to you?"

Allen looked up, shutting the door behind him. Realising that Kanda seemed to be referring to his appearance, he shuffled his feet sheepishly. "Never mind, I just fell asleep."

"Well then, what the hell went wrong? Did you jerk off or dream bad?" Kanda snapped, and Allen's eyes went wide at the lewd term used.

"I… dreamed bad." The whitehead admitted. Kanda glared before realising that Allen flinched at the expression. _Don't freak him out TOO much, you idiot._

The Japanese teen was soon to find out that there were three major rules in this house, some of which he was already very acquainted with.

Do not touch or get too close to the moyashi.

Enter the library at your own risk.

The ice creams in the fridge are Lavi's and Lavi's only.

Of course there were more (of equal ridiculousness), but Kanda was getting more and more irritated by the second (and so too distracted to take note of anything properly). The baka usagi's house was like some kind of huge, creepy library… and guess what?

Kanda Yuu did not like big, creepy libraries.

Kanda watched in silence as the pyjama-clad moyashi took some biscuits from the kitchen cupboard and beckoned Kanda to come up the stairs with him.

On their way up the stairs, in the silence, Kanda found himself observing the moyashi. Bruises were still littering the boy's skin, now turning pale shades of distasteful blue and green. The whitehead's eyes had been tired but gentle, a refreshing contrast to the heavy panic they had held on that certain day. He was like a doll, bruised but still somehow striking.

Realising which door they were heading for, Kanda noted that Allen had been given the biggest guest room the usagi had.

Still in silence, both boys entered the room. While Allen sat himself on the large, double bed, he gestured to the old chair at the desk as Kanda gave him a questioning glance.

"Kanda…" Something in Allen's voice made Kanda look up as he sat down. The boy was seated right at the edge of the mattress, his long legs not even touching the floor. Head bowed, the boy was fiddling absent-mindedly with his pyjama sleeve, biting his pastel-pink lips. "I guess an apology is in order. I was inconsiderate of your own feelings. I won't bother you about this anymore. Should we just forget everything that happened?" Allen was completely straightforward with his apology.

Kanda, having expected as such, sat back in his chair and removed his coat.

"Baka." He replied simply.

Allen's reaction was one of shock. He only watched dumbly as Kanda reached for the plate of biscuits, broke one in half with two fingers and placed it in his mouth without even losing a crumb.

"I've decided I'll fucking well listen to you, so say it, dammit!"

Allen almost choked on the biscuit he'd taken. When he recovered, to Kanda's surprise, he was grinning. "What on Earth fell on your head this time, Kanda?"

Oh, snarky. Kanda growled. Allen's grin faded into a serene smile. "We can't ever meet without an argument…"

"No shit." Kanda agreed stiffly, but the sad expression on the moyashi's face made him freeze for a moment.

Allen looked like a vulnerable child. His pyjamas were huge on his slim frame, and made him look almost deformed as he dangled his long legs over the end of the thick mattress. The matted, white locks that fell on front of his steel-grey eyes looked unwashed, and it was only then that Kanda realised the moyashi had made no effort to cover his scar.

The boy seemed to notice the direction of Kanda's gaze and shrugged. He and Kanda fell into an understanding silence.

Until. "Kanda… what would you do if I asked for a hug?"

Kanda was the one who nearly suffocated via biscuit this time. "Tell you to get the fuck away, maybe?" he practically seethed, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Was Allen screwing with him?

Probably. The boy was laughing, and damn if that wasn't an annoying sound. He giggled like a girl. "I've been told that sometimes all someone might need is a hug." Allen collected himself, still grinning like an idiot.

Kanda felt his eyebrow twitch. This kid thought a hug would sort his problems out? "…And I wondered if _you_ needed something like that, because you're looking awfully grim."

Oh. Kanda blinked. Fuck that. Well… the Japanese teen leaned back in his chair as he watched the moyashi laugh. He hadn't seen Allen like this before, and he was almost stunned. The sides of Allen Kanda knew had been as follows; depressed, terrified, unconscious, hysterical, weepy, angry, bitchy and… pretty much anything else negative. Now, after everything, Allen was sitting on his bed giggling like a hyper female because Kanda hadn't been expecting that one enquiry.

Allen was a changed boy when he laughed. He was genuine, and radiated happiness. He had a light pink glow to his cheeks, and he blushed even more as he finally caught his breath and noticed Kanda's slightly bewildered stare. "Sorry. I just wanted to see what you'd do. It was funny."

"Well you fucking well know now." Kanda growled in reply, still annoyed that he was being embarrassed like this.

"I needed a break from Lavi and Lenalee." The smaller of the two said suddenly. "They won't stop fussing over me and seem to think that I'm going to break at any moment…"

_Well, that's the impression you give… _Kanda thought sourly.

"… So it's good to be with someone like you. Refreshing, I dare say."

Allen Walker certainly was an extraordinary person. Having recovered seemingly so quickly, but… the question now was… was this an act, too? _He's probably trying his best here. Give the little idiot a break._

Kanda watched Allen as the boy lay down on his bed, gripping his blanket to his face and half-closing his eyes.

"You were right, Kanda. Nobody wants perfect friends. In fact, all this happening to me just made everyone give me more attention than ever." _Told you so, baka. _"After so long without, it's overwhelming…"

Kanda knew that feeling all too well. After closing himself off like he had, Lavi's return had been like a noisy, rainbow-coloured bomb exploding back into his life.

"Lenalee's been fussing over me like a mother. I just wish she'd stop straining herself over me. Or maybe I should stop straining myself. I haven't slept properly for days, and it's horrible, but I think Lavi and Bookman don't know that. The most I manage is about an hour in the daytime…"

"Fucking anti-depressants, right?" Kanda said without thinking, and Allen's eyes opened fully again. It was obvious, and Lavi had already told him about all the stuff the doctors and therapists were doing/giving to Allen.

"Yes… I…feel sick a lot, too…"

Kanda sighed deeply. "Here we go again, baka. You're concerned about other's opinions, like a fucking coward. Che..."

Allen buried his head into his pillow, admitting his defeat. Kanda shook his head slightly. He was trying his absolute best to be civil here, but the moyashi was just so infuriating. Opening the internet on his smart-phone, he searched up the side-effects of the drug his mother had once been made to take. Raising his eyebrows at the long list he received, he recalled his hate of the medicine.

_Some of the various side effects from the different antidepressants are:_

_Agitation. Anxiety. Nausea. Headache. Sleep disruption. Dry mouth. Inability to achieve an… _oh, ok. Kanda considered telling Allen about the last one, just to see the idiot's face. However, he didn't, because the boy already looked bad enough.

"It's still all horrible, Kanda… I had a thought. I've accepted that I no longer have a family and that Mana is… gone. But what… what or who is going to replace them? I don't want to be alone, Kanda. I'm afraid of being alone…"

This sudden change of mood made Kanda feel uneasy, and he shifted in his chair as the moyashi twisted on his bed, burying his face in the pillow he now held.

_Afraid. It's a word I know all too well. _Oh, fuck. The moyashi was crying. If the baka usagi came home and saw, the old man would flip shit. Also, the kid was once again emptying his heart out to the confused Japanese teen, and Kanda still wasn't sure if he hated it or found it complimentary.

"Moyashi! Stop crying, for fuck's sake!"

Allen's answer was another shock. "I'm trying, dammit! I hate this! I hate that I can't control myself anymore!"

_These mood swings are pretty fucking bad… _Kanda stood up and approached the bed, tearing he cushion from the whitehead's grip. It didn't seem to have been a good move; as his face was exposed, Allen gasped and suddenly his hands flew to his cheek in a futile attempt to cover his scar.

"Don't look." He practically begged, tears streaming from his bloodshot eyes. "It's disgusting. Don't look! Don't look! Please!"

_The fuck? A moment ago, he didn't give a shit!_

Kanda was nearing the end of his wits. Seeing that the moyashi's state was getting increasingly unstable, he began to slowly back off. However, an iron grip on his sleeve stopped him. "N-no." Allen choked out, suddenly forgetting to cover up his disfigurement "You can't go! You can't leave! It's so awful when there's nobody here. He might come back, Kanda. He might come back and... and-!"

Then Kanda was being pulled onto the bed (since when did the lanky boy have so much strength?) and two long arms were flung around his middle. The Japanese was frozen in disbelief, unable to register the shaking teen clinging to him as if his life depended on it. He could feel Allen's hot tears soaking through his shirt and warming his skin, and the boy's long fingers practically clawing his back. The boy's sobs were a terrifying sound; so confused, so frantic, but still so empty.

Kanda was unable to move, let alone speak. Such a situation was beyond him. Lat time he saw the moyashi, the boy had been absolutely terrified of human touch, even Kanda's. What was this, so suddenly? Surely the kid hadn't just _forgotten _about his initial terror?

Kanda wasn't sure how long he sat there, motionless like a statue, but eventually the moyashi's sobs quietened down and his incredible grip on Kanda's jacket loosened. "K-Kanda…" Allen whispered, his face still buried into the other's chest. Kanda could feel the boy's nose poking his ribcage gently. "What do you think of me…?"

_Wha-? _Taken completely by surprise, Kanda wasn't sure how the hell he should answer. His thoughts of the moyashi had never really gone past 'idiot', but could he really say that right now? Did the moyashi mean what Kanda thought about his actions, or what Kanda thought about him personally? Fuck, Kanda hated such open questions.

"You're so fucking hard to understand. That's what I think of you, moyashi." Kanda replied, trying to keep the anger out of his voice. The moyashi's weight on his legs was beginning to make them go numb.

Allen shifted gently, turning to the side so he was now pressing his ear against Kanda. "I'm glad…" he murmured, suddenly completely captivated by the sound of the Japanese male's heart beating steadily within him.

_It's been so long since I've heard this sound. But… Kanda's heart beats so much faster than Mana's…_

"And why the hell are you glad?" Kanda tried, unsatisfied by Allen's vague answer. As he rested his back against the headboard, he almost completely forgot that Allen was lying on him like he was. It was a strange but harmonic scene, and both boys felt virtually soothed by each other's warmth.

"Maybe if you let me understand you, you'll have a better chance at understanding me." What the hell? Was this what the moyashi had been getting at all along? "I'm sorry for what I did just then. I was just frightened, and I shouldn't have been. When you began to go away, it was like someone was leaving me all over again. I shouldn't have done that. It must have been unpleasant to you, Ka-"

"For the love of Kami… Shut up!" _Fucking hell, this kid could talk the hind legs off a donkey._

"That sounds about right." Allen murmured. "I don't like to be a nuisance."

"Wasn't that hard to fucking notice…" Kanda muttered, noticing that the moyashi's fingers were gently stroking a strand of jet black hair that seemed to have come loose from his ponytail. Kanda did not like how that looked at all. "Che! Don't fucking touch my hair!"

Allen hummed to himself for a second before he sniffed once and blinked slowly. Then he just let go of Kanda's hair and went back to sleepy mode. The Japanese rolled his eyes, making to shove Allen off him, but then he saw that the boy's eyes had closed and he seemed to be trying to regulate his breathing. Kanda waited, curious.

Five minutes later, the moyashi seemed to have passed out completely on his lap. Allen's chest rose and fell gently with every breath he took, and he blinked in his sleep when the Japanese teen twitched. Kanda blinked. Didn't this kid mention sleeping problems earlier? Whatever. Staying here was no longer necessary.

Moving slowly as not to wake the sleeping moyashi, Kanda managed to push Allen off his lap and climb from the bed without any mishaps. Collecting the discarded blanket and tossing it lazily over the other male, Kanda grabbed another biscuit off the plate and shut his coat. Once again checking his phone before he left, Kanda paused at the message he'd received.

Hasuko Kanda: _I totally forgot just what the Tokyo rail is like! This is mayhem! ^^_

Wait a minute… Oh, fu-! Kanda shut his eyes momentarily. He'd forgotten to fucking apologise, and no way in hell was he waking the moyashi up again now. He could just go, but… _Dammit, Kachan. You're stubborn even when you're not here.  
_

Scanning the room hurriedly, Kanda caught sight of a small stack of post-its on the desk beneath the window. This would have to do. Getting out his pen, Kanda scribbled a single word on the fluorescent orange paper and stuck it onto the edge of the biscuit plate. At least he hadn't had to say it aloud, but this whole visit had been one colossal blow to his usual pride. Deciding it would be better to get the hell out before the usagi and the old panda turned up, Kanda left.

_I'm going to have to tell someone about Allen's contact with me, though. I should ask for the number of his therapist…_

_N-not that I'm actually bothered, of course. _

…

_Fuck, whatever…_

* * *

Allen let his breath rush through his nose as he sank further into the water. He'd felt strange when he woke up, all sweaty and… groggy. But. But! _I didn't have nightmare…_

Of course, Bookman had recommended a long, relaxing bath. Unfortunately, Lavi had intervened in the plan and almost drowned Allen in bubbles after he went overboard with the bubble-bath. Bookman had told Allen that he was not allowed to lock the bathroom door. Well, great. Did the old man think he was going to commit suicide in the tub or something?

… Probably.

To avoid embarrassment, Allen had pulled the shower curtain across the bath so nobody would see him should they come in. Of course, someone _did_ barge in. It was Lavi, and he had perched himself on the toilet (not using it, of course!), apparently intent on making conversation with Allen.

"… and she sends her regards. Look, even Lenalee says sorry if she was causing you more stress than relief." Allen just stared at the green rubber duck perching on the opposite end of the bath. It had one of those odd, ducky smiles that shouldnt really work but somehow did. "Bookman wants to do something about your family issue, too. You need a new home, because that fucker who took you is obviously no longer an option, and…"

"Lavi." Allen said stiffly, sitting up in the water. "I don't want to think about that right now. Can we talk afterwards? I… I'm trying to relax."

"Sure. My bad…" However, the silence was short-lived. "So, um, Allen! Your therapist…" Allen grinned slightly at the memory of Lavi meeting said man after his most recent session. "Are you sure he's actually qualified and not a supermodel in disguise? I mean, what the fuck? What kind of… therapist… looks like he does?"

The whitehead had to admit that his therapist really was the type to make every woman (and some men) turn to mush at his feet. Even when his voice had this odd, soothing effect it was still undeniably… sexy. "Mr. Mikk's father owns a modelling agency, Lavi. Apparently, he does do the occasional shoot, but only as a sort of 'hobby', he said." Allen replied to Lavi's narked tone. He could practically hear the redhead's jaw hit the floor.

"Gah! So that's why he did it! Allen, that guy _scouted Lenalee_! I mean, I'd be a blue chicken if Komui actually allowed her to model, but still!"

"Lavi, what else aren't you telling me?" Allen asked slyly. Lavi's panicky tone was hiding something.

"Uh… He gave us both his father's business card?"

Allen had to make sure he didn't slip right in the water as he burst into laughter. He heard Lavi stamp his foot on the floor. "Dang, what's so funny?"

"You posing in front of a camera with a serious expression, maybe?"

Lavi chuckled shortly. "Meh. If anyone was to do that, it'd have to be Kanda."

Allen paused. "Kanda?"

"Yeah. He's 100% model stuff, lucky bastard. He's tall, slim but well muscled and nearly every girl in the school wants his junk."

"Uh…"

"But apparently he doesn't swing that way, so too bad for them." Allen raised an eyebrow at Lavi's so-so-ness. "Ya know, once even I was after him, but then I got to know Lenalee. Most awesome girlfriend ever, is Lenalee!"

Allen smiled. At least Lavi was happy.

"Sooo. What way do you swing, moyashi-chan?"

Allen whipped his head round in the direction of Lavi's voice. "M-moyashi?"

"Yeah, that's what Kanda called you, right? It's kinda cute, y'know."

Allen didn't realise, but his cheeks had suddenly become tomato-coloured. "It's annoying, not cute!"

"Sure you don't think you're gay?"

"What on _Earth_, Lavi?" Surely this redhead was the winner of the 'most spontaneous questions' award.

"Ok, sorry, that might've been a bit of a blunt question. I'm just curious you know? I did ask when I first saw ya, but you avoided the question. You said you never had a girlfriend before, and with looks like yours that strikes me as weird…"

A snigger told Allen that Lavi was teasing him. "What looks?" Allen said a little sourly, once again trying his best to ignore the bruises scattered all over his body. "You seem to be set on the fact that I apparently like other guys."

Ignoring the last part of Allen's answer, Lavi's reply was quite enthusiastic. "Eh damn, what looks? Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror before?"

Allen's eye twitched.

"Moyashi-chan, have some faith! You're cute as hell and- Yah!"

Allen was practically breathing fire as he picked up the fluorescent green rubber duck, pushed the shower curtain aside and hurled it roughly against Lavi's head.

Lavi blinked at him in surprise, putting on the innocent face. "… Ow. Didn't think you'd be the duck-tossing type, Allen. That was so girly." He whined.

Allen resisted the urge to throw the shampoo bottle, too. "One, I'm not cute, and two, I think I'm straight!"

"You think?" Lavi blinked, missing the angry tone in Allen's voice.

"I just never bothered worrying about it before." He insisted.

"Oh."

_How the heck did we get onto the topic of sexuality anyway? This is so Lavi…_

Allen grew sombre again, staring vacantly at his knees. "What's it like, being in a relationship?" he asked quietly, fiddling with his damp hair.

Lavi sighed and leaned back against the wall, running a hand through his thick hair. "A relationship, hm? Oh, it sure is nice. Lenalee's the person I can be there to look out for, to hug when she's sad, to laugh with and… hah. I sound like straight out of a cheesy movie. I guess that the best thing about it is knowing that the person you're with is all yours and that they love you back as much as you love them."

"Sounds nice." Allen replied, but his voice was flat and without emotion. Lavi sighed, seeing that his friend wasn't all too convinced.

"Hey, Allen… I'm sorry. About everything. A guy like you should never have had to go through all that…" The redhead's voice was sincere, and Allen once again fought tears. For heaven's sake! He'd cried enough already today, and in front of Kanda to boot! Time to change the subject…

"Lavi, do you know what it means if you know a person and have this strange urge to see them even if you actually hate them?"

"Uh…?" Lavi sat up, unprepared for that question.

"And what if you feel absolutely safe around them and are unable to conceal your true feelings from them?

_Wah. That came out so badly… _Allen shifted uncomfortably in the bath, sinking deeper into the hot water. _Way to embarrass yourself…_

Lavi, however, did not laugh. "I think I know what you're trying to say, even if that was more cliché than my lecture about Lenalee. Who's this person anyway? Do you think you 'like' them in any way?"

Allen bit his lip, turning away from the redhead. Lavi had grown unusually serious after a question Allen had thought of as stupid and childish. "Well… although I respect him and do my best to be bearable around him… I know he still hates me. It's quite obvious."

"Him, huh?"

_Oh, crap! _

"Ooh, this sounds like one of those… what're they called… like, a type of character from some of Lenalee's favourite mangas… oh! Tsundere, you know?"

_The heck? _"And what does that mean?"

"Someone who seems to be kinda rude and brash and puts up a tough front… but they're actually nice underneath all that."

_Kanda, nice? Well…_

Allen focused. Had Kanda been nice to him? Hell, he had. He'd taken Allen into his house after he'd had passed out on the pavement. The Japanese teen had even cleaned him up. Then when Kanda had found him in the forest, he did not just walk off or abandon Allen when he found out what had happened. Instead, he knocked some sense into him into the most un-tactful way possible and dragged him to the hospital. It didn't seem like much, but Allen had a feeling that Kanda was actually furious for doing that much already.

_That's why… that could be why he doesn't like being around me. He's afraid I'll make him 'nice'… maybe?_

_Wait, am I making assumptions here? About Kanda? Oh, man, Allen...  
_

Lavi seemed to notice Allen's despairing expression and coughed worriedly. "Allen…?"

"It's hopeless. As much as I try to befriend them… well, we both turn into assholes each time we meet."

Lavi, in this case, was not stupid. He knew he could be simple minded and bad at reading the atmosphere despite his academic intelligence, but he'd long worked out who Allen was ranting on about. Come on, who else had this boy met in his short time here? Kanda was one of a kind, anyway, and suited Allen's description perfectly. It was time to squeeze some extra information out of the 'moyashi'. "Why're you so set on befriending this person anyway, if they're such an ass?"

To be completely honest with himself, Allen had no idea. He supposed he hadn't had an idea from the very start, from when he first met Kanda and argued with him for the whole day about the stupidest things.

He'd been strangely fascinated by the other ever since… only, he didn't quite know what to call this 'fascination'.

"I have no idea." Allen admitted, still surprised by the realisation. A small grin crept onto Lavi's features. _Well, this isn't the usual situation I'd use this in, but… Strike!_

"Maybe you've got a crush on them and you don't know it. Maybe you should ask Lenalee. Girls are experts on things involving crushes, kissing methods and gaydar, you know." _And once Lenalee finds out, Kanda's gonna be forced to get nice. Allen's so cute when he gets all flustered like this...  
_

"Uh, gaydar?" Allen enquired, freeing Lavi from his scheming thoughts.

"Oh, never mind."

Allen observed his slightly shrivelled fingers and hummed. Ask Lenalee? If she wasn't a gossiper, that might be okay.

"Lavi, can you leave now? I want to get out of the bath."

Lavi's grin was predatory. "Oh, but I was so looking forward to checking out your junk- FUCK! Please, stop throwing our bath gear!"

* * *

Allen yawned, rubbing his fluffy white hair with a towel as he walked to his room. Ignoring the fact that he looked like an electrocuted sheep (quoted by Lavi) he sat down on the bed and reached for the new pair of pyjamas the older boy had lent him. That talk with Lavi had been a lovely blow to his pride and awkward as hell as as a bonus. They'd sounded like two high school girls, for goodness' sake.

Once he was changed, Allen glanced at the clock. Seven thirty. It was still early, but he felt too sick to eat dinner. Usually he'd be eating heaps, but in the past week his appetite had decreased massively and his weight had dropped rapidly. _Way to screw up my health. _

Eyes wandering from the clock, Allen caught sight of the biscuit plate from Kanda's visit. He'd forgotten to put it away, but right now that wasn't the issue. Stuck on the rim of the plate was a slightly creased post-it note that definitely hadn't been there before.

Getting up, Allen removed the note and read the word scribbled quickly onto it.

_Sorry._

What? This wasn't Lavi's handwriting, and nobody else had been in here but-

No way. "Kanda?" Allen mumbled to himself, contemplating the impossible. A sudden sense of excitement bloomed within him. Picking his phone up from the night table, Allen was quick to compose a text.

_Did you leave something behind, Kanda? _There was no harm in a little tease. Kanda's answer arrived surprisingly fast.

_Shut up i'm eating_

_Ah, what is it?_

_Soba_

_Obviously ;)  
_

Ok, here goes. For the hundredth time.

_Kanda, I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to cry or grab you like that. It was selfish of me._

Expecting an offensive and potentially embarrassing answer, Allen was not expecting what came as a reply.

_Forget it_

Forget it? No complaints or sour words? Allen stared at the text for a good minute. Then he smiled, a genuine happy feeling rising in his chest.

_Thanks, Kanda._

_Get to sleep baka_

_Ok! _

Allen fell back onto the bed, clutching his phone in his hand. If he didn't know better, he would have thought Kanda was actually worried about him. _Nah. Kanda wouldn't do that. But... woah. That was freakishly nice, coming from Kanda. _

The whitehead sighed, laughing quietly at the thought that crossed his mind next.

_Well, a boy can dream…_

_You're nuts, Walker._

_Oh, I know I am._

* * *

SoOoO, we finally decided to have Allen think about his 'relationship' with Kanda for real. He's realised that the reason he's so attached to Kanda might be because… yup. :D And we were wondering whether Allen should actually touch Kanda or not, but in the end he did, as a sort of spur of the moment thing. Also, he was terrified of being alone. He's not just going to go around letting other people handle him now, though. Kanda's just a special one ^^

Hm, so (we) haven't done this for a while: Everyone who's ever reviewed this, you're absolutely freakin' amazing. WE MEAN IT. Thank you for all your praise, your criticism and for making us (well, mostly Zaskaea) smile. She also says thanks to anyone who said get better soon (which she is!) -You all rock!

P.S: Therapist!Tyki… had us in stitches XD And we just had to drop the tiniest, tiniest hint of TykiXLavi, too.

See you next time!

~Zaskaea & Feezles


	9. Chapter 9: Warmth

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, 'WTF, an update when they're supposed to be in Berlin?' Um, well, to make a long story short, I screwed up the dates. Zaskaea was kinda peed off at me, but hey! This isn't a downside, lol. We're going away on the 26th for four days. So here's a chapter you probably weren't expecting! :D

It was Zaskaea's birthday on the 10th, and the nutty cosplay party organised for her was hilarious. I told her she should dress up as Allen because of her screwed up hand(s), but she hit me with a spoon, which wasn't very nice. XD (I went as Misa from death note, 'cos I'm blonde like that :P)

**DISCLAIMER: We don't own. For the ninth time. We do own a Kanda paperchild that Zaskaea made, though. ^^**

* * *

Lavi was certain of quite a few things. Certain of things about Allen, to be exact.

One, the boy was undeniably sexy even if he walked round the house with a damaged arm and Lavi's most hideous green and yellow polka-dot pyjamas. Two, he was the most gay 'straight' guy Lavi had ever met and three, Kanda Yuu was so making exceptions for the kid.

Duh.

Lavi decided that he would give himself a little rant on how Allen Walker was as hot as he was. Well… those _legs. _Allen Walker had legs to die for. Of course, he'd never really rival Lenalee, but… yeesh. Long and slim but still muscular. That was a difficult combination to achieve.

Oh, and the hair, too. That baby-soft, full white hair. Who the hell had white hair apart from those albino people? Allen Walker, however, was not albino, but he didn't look awkward either. His hair matched his big grey eyes fantastically; it just worked on him.

Lavi grinned to himself. Allen's 'hormonal woman' was making the whole situation even more interesting. However, to be honest, it was not a laughing matter. The heavens knew just how smashed up the inside of that boy's mind really was.

Lavi put on his headphones and immediately began humming, once again sniffing as he realised that no, Kanda was not online on Facebook, which meant that there would be no Yuu-teasing today. Kanda Yuu actually coming online was a serious one-in-a-lifetime chance anyway. However, Lavi wasn't one to give up too easily.

Outside, he could just about hear Bookman knocking on Allen's door and the old man's irritated voice asking why the boy had once again skipped dinner. What was with that? Allen Walker used to eat shitloads, correct?

Lavi found himself wondering what Allen would look like in a pair of Kanda's famous black skinny jeans.

…

Hot damn! "Lavi!"

Gah. Way to spoil a sweet fantasy. "Yeah, old Panda?"

"Allen wants to come in."

"Why doesn't he ask himself?"

"He won't open the door to me because I have food, and he seems to have double locked it."

"Spare key?"

"He took it, you idiot! Now answer me!"

Lavi almost laughed at that. Bookman was hilarious when he was angry. Well, until he fly-kicked you in the face/ass/nuts, that was. "Yeah, ok. Tell him cool."

As Bookman's footsteps faded, Lavi was pretty sure he heard some muttered complains about the youth of these days. Then the door opened.

"Heya, beautiful." Lavi laughed, and to his immense surprise Allen just ignored him and fell onto his bed like a sack of potatoes. "Uhm, Allen? Are you alright?"

"I'm not beautiful, Lavi." Allen mumbled into the sheets, burying his hands in his hair. His tone was genuinely hurt. "I… Confusion even isn't even a word for this."

"Aw, don't stress yourself over it. You're just a teenage guy with women's hormones."

Ok, the look Allen gave Lavi after that statement could have burned up a wall. It was fucking creepy. "Lavi. You're a great friend, honestly, and I'm glad that I know you. However, that won't stop me from-"

"OK!"

Black Allen. Never, ever argue with Black Allen. Do not provoke him, and do not answer back. It could be lethal.

"I ate a grape…" Allen murmured. Lavi stared at him. "And now… I feel sick."

Lavi resisted the powerful urge to face-palm. Allen really was overtired. It was showing, and badly. "You skipped the amazing Chinese and then you went and ate a grape."

"I really want to eat, but I can't…" Allen replied pathetically. "Food hates me... why...?"

_Did you get your hands on some or something? _"Allen, you've got to get out of this habit. You're going to turn into a human skeleton."

"Not that fast, I won't. Lavi… are you doing anything? I'm a little bored."

"Nah, you wanna do something?"

"Can you play poker?" Allen suddenly seemed to have come back to life; you could hear it in his voice.

Glad to hear his friend lighten up, Lavi nodded. "Hah, sure!"

"Should we play a few rounds?"

_It's nearly ten, but so what. _"Sounds good. How 'bout we spice this up a bit?"

"Hm?"

"You liking the idea of strip poker?" Lavi, however, suddenly regretted having said this. Allen was probably still feeling far too vulnerable to do that, so maybe he should…

"Ok."

_What the…? _However, had Lavi been looking properly, he may have seen the devilish smirk on Allen's face as the boy lifted it from the pillow.

* * *

Half an hour later, Lavi was holding onto his boxers for dear life. "Holy shit."

Allen, meanwhile, simply grinned as he set his cards down onto the carpet. No. Not again. Not those dreaded words… Lavi blanched. "Royal straight flush." The boy smiled smugly, leaning his fully dressed self onto the carpet.

…

"Fuck."

_He only agreed to play because he knew he'd not have to even take off his damn socks anyway! This is crazy!_

A new rule for the Bookman household: Never play strip poker with Allen Walker. It's embarrassing and very unflattering._  
_

* * *

Kanda stifled a yawn as he stepped into his kitchen. Weekend. Thank Kami, seriously. The week had been bloody awful, so a day off was just what he needed.

He'd just had a refreshing wake-up shower, and now some breakfast was in order. He could get changed afterwards. It was damn boiling in the house anyway; it was probably even worse outside.

The kitchen smelt of soba, Kanda slept well until eleven and the calming sound of the piano on the radio greeted him in the as he came downstairs. What else was there that he needed?

Maybe he should clean the house again before his mother returned tomorrow-

Hold on a fucking second. Kanda frowned, going back to his earlier thoughts. The sound of the radio? He hadn't even turned the radio _on_. Had the thing been going all night? Well, damn, that would hammer his electricity bills.

Kanda stalked into the living room, looking round in confusion. The stereo screen was not on. Ok then. What else-? "Fucking hell!"

The piano playing stopped immediately and Allen, who had his back turned at the time, almost fell off the piano stool. Grabbing the piano's side before he actually toppled over, the whitehead spun around and leapt off the seat, bowing shortly and stuttering as he began to ramble, clearly nervous. "Good morning, Kanda! I didn't know you had a piano, I did not see it last time! It's a wonderful quality, I hope you didn't mind me testing it!"

Kanda just stared for a while. Two main thoughts were crossing his mind.

Firstly, the moyashi was pretty damn good at playing that instrument, and secondly he looked rather well although there were faded dark circles under his eyes. His scar was uncovered, and he'd even left his one disfigured hand without a glove. He wore one of Lavi's plain, pastel blue shirts and faded jeans that Bookman had probably got for him. So, the moyashi had found his piano, hidden slightly behind the small wall section indicating where the living room ended and his mother's 'inside potted plant garden' began. The light flowing through the glass door reflected off the white instrument and lit up the moyashi's complexion well, giving him a healthy glow.

Wait a minute. The door.

Suddenly, Kanda was more bothered about his possibly smashed in front entrance than about how Allen looked.

_Was he out on the streets alone? How the hell did this little idiot get into my house anywa-_

_Lavi!_

_Of course. I lent the usagi my house keys years ago when I went to France and the baka had to feed the cat… He never fucking well gave them back, as far as I remember…_

"Where the fuck is Lavi?" Kanda growled, the phrase being less of a question and more of a statement. Allen pointed hurriedly to the garden door.

"He and Lenalee are helping to clean up your garden before your mother arrives! It's weekend, so they suggested we all meet up and enjoy the day together!"

_In my fucking house?_

"How the fuck did you get here?"

Allen shrank back a little at Kanda's harshness. "We walked…"

The Japanese teen's expression softened as he recognised Allen's embarrassment and he uncrossed his arms slowly. "Looking well." He grunted. Allen's eyes lit up.

"You too, Kanda."

Of course, the harmony was too good to be true. "YUU-CHAN!"

_Way to ruin a friendly moment…_

The redhead practically hurtled into the living room, slightly red in the face from sweating in the intense sun. Lenalee followed soon after, although she'd obviously thought ahead and wore a light purple sunhat with white flowers on. Kanda didn't bother to comment on her scandalously short skirt.

"Good morning Kanda! Please forgive us for our intrusion. We only wished to be of help, and Allen asked if we could take him to visit you today." The girl greeted, her signature smile gracing her features.

Kanda glanced at Allen and raised an eyebrow when he saw the boy was blushing and giving the Chinese girl a slightly hopeless look. _Oh, really?_

_Well, I can't really kick them out now. Uh, whatever. May as well._

"There's shitloads to do then," Kanda grunted, turning to walk back into the kitchen. "And Lavi, if you break _anything_, I will fucking kill you with Mugen."

"Oh man, I forgot that thing was in the house…" the redhead whined, and Lenalee looked like she was trying her best not to cover his mouth on impulse.

Kanda's low, venomous voice was immediate. "That _thing?"_

"I meant your fantastic, legendary family heirloom, of course!"

Allen, in the meantime, had taken on a confused look. "Mugen?" he asked. Lavi nodded enthusiastically.

"Big, long thing." Lavi explained helpfully with extra hand gestures, and Allen rolled his eyes.

"Oh…?"

"A katana." Lenalee clarified, poking Lavi for his immaturity. The redhead just laughed and leaned in to nibble on the girl's ear, Allen blushing at the sight.

"What she said!"

* * *

As everyone else left the room, Allen sank back down onto the piano stool. Holy mother of blah. That was not what he'd been expecting.

Kanda, dressed in nothing but a towel. Eye candy was a bit of a vulgar term to use, but hell, it was true. Allen almost felt like childishly hitting the cushions on the sofa. It wasn't fair. Why couldn't he have a body like Kanda? Why was only Lenalee shorter than him?

"He's hot, huh?" Allen looked up to meet Lavi's cheerful, green-eyed gaze. Once again, Lavi had successfully utilised his crazy mind-reading abilities. "I bet the only reason he didn't flip shit was because of Lenalee. If he kicked us out and it leaked to Komui, Yuu would be dead by sunrise."

Allen nodded, still a little stunned. "So, um, what should I do?"

"Uh, dunno. Ask Kanda. If you start something on your own you're doomed."

"Um, alright…" Allen sighed and turned back to the piano, playing a basic melody of with his right hand. However, he was interrupted by some colourful Japanese words sounding from the kitchen.

"You fucking rabbit! What the hell did you do to my fridge?" Kanda yelled, obviously nearing the end of his already short temper.

Lavi laughed nervously. "Made m'self some breakfast?"

Allen paled. "You didn't!" he almost yelped, already knowing of what deep shit they'd be in.

"Usagi, get the fuck back out into the garden before I kill you. Moyashi, in here."

"Surprisingly tolerant!" Lavi skipped out of the room with an evil grin, winking at Allen as he did so. The whitehead just sighed, getting up slowly.

"I'm sorry about Lavi…" he muttered as he entered the kitchen, but Kanda cut him off.

"Idiot should apologise himself. Now shut the hell up and get some breakfast."

Allen blinked. "Pardon?"

"Breakfast, you baka! Lenalee told me you aren't eating shit, so get yourself some fucking toast or something!"

_Ok, then… _Still bewildered, Allen opened the bread bin and drew out a roll. All the time trying not to look at Kanda, who was _still _ridiculously exposed. He didn't really like taking things from other people, but Kanda had sounded pretty serious.

Once again, Allen felt that jealousy within him. Kanda was over a head taller than he was and had an amazing build; tall and lean, with defined limbs and a well shaped, muscled torso. The younger of the two huffed to himself. He'd have to exercise more once he was feeling stronger.

Allen opened the fridge, rejoicing at the sight of strawberry jam. Getting it out and shutting the fridge again, he found a spoon and sat them down on the kitchen table. Then he put the roll on the little stand above the toaster and switched it on.

All the while, Kanda seemed to be preparing soba. Allen watched him in silence.

"So, um. Your mother is coming home soon?" he asked finally, becoming uncomfortable in the silence. Kanda simply made that familiar 'Che' sound and turned around. Allen nodded, having understood that that probably meant 'yes'.

"Kanda… c-can I ask you something?" Allen said hesitantly, removing his roll from the toaster and setting it down on a chopping board. When Kanda did not answer, he continued. "Your father… w-where is he?"

Allen watched Kanda's reaction with surprise. The Japanese male seemed to tense completely and the smaller boy wondered if he had really heard the other's breath hitch.

_Oh, no… _"I'm sorry, Kanda! Please, just forget I said anythi-"

"He's dead." Kanda interrupted, his voice near to a whisper. "Dead, just like your Mana."

The silence that followed was a cold one that left both Allen and Kanda with a feeling of familiar emptiness within them.

"Then you did understand..." the younger wondered aloud, and the next second he had Kanda glaring at him with one of the most hateful stares he'd gotten so far.

"Is that what you thought of me?" Kanda practically hissed, bunching his shoulders so his collarbones jutted out. "Did you think that all the fucking time I was just a fucking clueless idiot who lived in a world of sugar and rainbows, too?"

"I-" _Slow your breathing! He won't hurt me! He won't hurt me, will he?_

_Why... why is he suddenly so angry? I didn't mean...  
_

"You're not the only one with fucking issues!" The Japanese teen was yelling now, his face heated in fury. "People like you make me sick! So fucking sick!"

_Control your breathing, Allen! _

_But I-_

"Yuu!" Allen turned, not realising that in his shock, he'd walked right back and had been pressing himself against the table. Lavi was at the kitchen entrance, an exasperated and completely serious look on his face. "What the hell do you think you're doing, yelling at Allen like that?"

"Get out!" Kanda roared. "This has nothing to do with you! Get the fuck out, usagi!"

Lavi, however, was not going to let himself be ordered around so easily. Meanwhile, Allen found himself in a state of confusion. This was the angriest he'd ever seen Kanda get, and he'd also never seen Lavi so serious before.

"Why're you so fucking judgemental, Kanda? You think that Allen even had a chance at working you out? Nobody in this world can fucking well understand you the way you are! Why don't you ever just stop and look at yourself, even if it's just for a second? Consider the fact that you're pretty damn difficult to know, and that we're all trying our best here because you're our friend and we care about you!" Lavi took a deep breath and calmed down. Allen was stunned by the amount of cursing the usually cheerful redhead had put into that speech; it was enough to rival Kanda.

Speaking of Kanda, the Japanese had been stunned into silence, obviously also as shocked by Lavi's tough side as Allen had been.

_I don't hate them, but I do. I can't decide. What are friends? When they are near me, they are bothersome, but when they are gone, I find comfort in knowing that people are willing to be familiar with me…_

Then Kanda had exited the room, leaving Allen and Lavi alone in his kitchen. Feeling that the situation had become too awkward, Allen tried to control his shaking and faced Lavi.. "L-Lavi. I think… I think it would be best if we leave…"

"No way!" the redhead scoffed, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his shorts. "Let him mope. What I said was in no way offensive. Just give him some time to think, Allen. Yuu's human, just like us."

Allen pulled a worried face, obviously unconvinced. _But… he was so furious… _

Lavi, however, remembering just in time not to clap Allen on the shoulder, was all smiles again. "Eat your breakfast, moyashi!"

* * *

Kanda didn't really know what to think. He had not expected Lavi to say what he had, and now his weekend had turned into trash once again. Why?

_Because you can't accept the truth about anything regarding yourself._

_Do you know how selfish that is?_

As he pulled on a t-shirt, Kanda glanced out of his bedroom window. Lavi and Lenalee were in his garden again, hard at work. Lenalee was gently fishing stray leaves out of his pond while Lavi weeded his mother's favourite flower bed.

The moyashi was probably still inside.

_It's all my fault._

_Yes, it is._

_Is this fear? Fear of the moyashi bringing out the side of me that I desire to hide?_

_Yes, it could be._

Kanda groaned to himself and pushed away from the window. He should finish making his soba. Allowing his anger to show clearly on his face, Kanda wrenched his door open.

…Only to almost step on Allen Walker, who was sitting cross-legged slap-bang in the middle of the hallway. "_Moyashi!_"

"BaKanda!" Kanda was completely thrown. Did the moyashi just…? "Baka! Baka! Baka! BaKanda! You don't understand at all!"

"You little-"

Allen was _glaring _at him. "No, Kanda! _You're_ going to 'shut up' and listen to _me _for a change!"

He was serious. The timid, vulnerable moyashi was serious. In fact, it was slightly frightening. Even if he was sitting on the floor like a five-year old.

"Stop being so complicated. Stop being so horrible to people who're trying to help you. Stop keeping to yourself like this! If I can do it, Kanda… so can you."

_What is this? A list of fucking rules? _"What the fuck are you on about?" Kanda seethed, making to step past the moyashi. However, his surprise was renewed as the younger grabbed his leg, his grip like that of a vice.

"You didn't let me say this earlier, Kanda… I'm so sorry about your father. So many questions I had have been answered now…"

"Why the fuck did you even bother thinking about me?" Kanda said, his voice slowly losing its strength. He was growing tired of this boy and his ridiculous speeches.

...

"Because I respect you!" That, however, caught Kanda by surprise.

_I was always a person who demanded respect. Everyone who met me would be polite because they had to. They were all… frightened of me. I was fine with that._

_However, the moyashi… he is not afraid. Then, what kind of respect is this that he has?_

"Everything was so fucking normal before you turned up." Kanda whispered, no longer feeling motivated to move. He felt Allen's hand around his ankle tighten even further.

"You called that normal, Kanda?" Kanda didn't like this at all. Other people were not meant to take charge like this!

"…"

However, the moyashi wasn't done yet. "All those things you told me. I took them in and acted. I'm no longer trying to hide anything or trying to be perfect. I'm doing my best to just be me."

"…"

"You're a hypocrite, Kanda."

_Fucking hell! How many times! I know!_

_Then, admit it._

_No fucking way!_

"Moyashi."

"Huh?"

"Nobody has ever fucking well clung to me like you have before. Not even the fucking usagi." _Does it annoy me?_

"Do you hate me, Kanda?" It wasn't a pitiful tone, that. No. It was a steady one, making the question become more of a statement. Kanda was growing more and more uncomfortable by the second but hell, he didn't show it.

_He already knows I'm a liar._

…

"No."

The moyashi let out a small breath, and Kanda looked down to see that his face had broken into a small but sincere smile. He couldn't deny it. He really couldn't; a smile like that… warmed his heart. "I'm glad, Kanda."

_I made him glad._

_What does that mean?_

"I think you already know, but… I don't hate you either, Kanda."

_Where is this conversation going? What is this anyway? _It seemed impossible, but Kanda was confused. The moyashi was slowly getting up, freeing the Japanese from his hold.

"Kanda, I want to understand you. I know that you won't let me, and that it might take me forever to break your shell, but… I really like you. I don't want to be a nuisance. I want to help you just like you helped me and make you glad, too." Kanda's cerulean eyes widened. _He what…?_ "I trust you, Kanda. I didn't know why at the start, but now I think I do. I used to think I hated you, too…" Allen chuckled to himself, rubbing his right arm with his left hand. "I'm pretty stupid, aren't I?"

_Saying things like that out loud. I would never do that. Never ever._

_And here is that question again…_

_Who does that make the stronger one?_

Allen, noticing Kanda's lack of things to say, cocked his head and smiled again. My Lord. That smile… Kanda screwed up his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. The moyashi just waited, patient.

It wasn't fair. Suddenly, this kid had transformed from a vulnerable fake into this… this… And Kanda, he…

He was still…

"I fucking hate what you do to me, moyashi." Kanda growled, but there was no fight left in his voice. Allen's determined expression only grew stronger.

_It's a hint. __It's a hint to the truth, because that's all I can manage for now._

"I know, but I don't want you to feel like that." Allen sounded slightly sad now. "But Kanda…"

"…"

"You're not walking off. You're not pushing me away right now." Allen met his gaze at last, steel grey meeting ice blue. "This tells me many things."

Allen Walker would never had dared do that before. Never.

'_You don't get it, moyashi. You're an idiot. I told you. You're so fake…'_

"I listened to what you said. I worked on it, for you. Did you also ever consider that the way you act hurts those around you?"

_He's hitting every single sore spot I have. How…_

"You mother, Kanda. Does it hurt her? I never had a mother, so I wouldn't know…"

"Shut up, moyashi!" _This boy..._

"No, Kanda, I won't! I'm past being controlled."

_This boy just walked into my life…_

"I'm past playing false for what others think of me."

_This boy just walked into my life and turned everything upside down._

"And dammit, Kanda Yuu, if you even care the tiniest bit about those around you, you will too!"

Kanda tried his best to glare at the moyashi. Really, he did. "Kanda. I don't know how to describe what we are. But, I…"

Then the moyashi was hugging him. The white haired boy wasn't crying this time, nor was he desperate. He had just stepped forwards, still wearing that sweet little smile, and hugged Kanda Yuu as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Unthinkable.

However, Kanda didn't move. He didn't know what to do, for what was probably the first time ever. Nobody had ever spoken to him like that. Out of all people… it had been the moyashi. The boy who had been a crying wreck, the one who had been violated in the most horrible way by the only man left that he could call family.

Allen Walker amazed Kanda Yuu, and the Japanese male hated it.

"What can you feel, Kanda?" The moyashi was whispering into his chest, so short that his hair barely tickled the underside of Kanda's chin.

_I can feel your warmth._

Kanda raised his arms, and then he was pressing Allen to him, his fingers clawing into the boy's back. Allen gasped lightly, but pressed his eyes shut a second later. This was what he wanted. Kanda was giving in.

"Fuck you, Walker. You won't ever fucking go away, will you?"

_Even now, he fights._

"No. I don't think I ever will, Kanda."

'_I've been told that sometimes all someone might need is a hug.' Funny how stupid stuff like that can suddenly come back at you._

Kanda knew that he'd shown too much already, so he may as well just go with what he wanted to do. He closed his eyes and only pulled the younger boy in his arms towards him even more, burying his nose into his hair.

_Fresh. It smells fresh._

Although Kanda couldn't see it, Allen's eyes were wide with shock. To be honest, the whitehead had not anticipated this. He had expected to be pushed away so he could once again shoot Kanda that disappointed look, to once again force the Japanese boy to go against his own words.

He hadn't expected this returned embrace at all. That was why his heart was suddenly beating its way out of his chest, accelerating both his breathing and his thoughts. Trying to block out the incredible hat rushing through him, Allen did the same as Kanda, tightening his grin and burying his face into the taller boy's chest like he had before.

Neither boy moved. They didn't feel the need to. They hadn't expected it, but somehow as they stood in each other's arms, there was no longer a need to speak, no longer a reason to be striking the other down with words. It just felt right.

_..Because maybe it is._

* * *

Two days ago

The sun shone brightly through the window of the small room, lighting the white walls up with a soothing yellow glow. The young man seated at the desk had discarded his jacket and rolled up his shirt sleeves in the growing heat, exposing his slender but muscled forearms. On the sofa behind him, Allen wished he had worn shorts. However, he was still afraid about the bruises he had. At least nobody could see those on his… inner thighs.

Mr. Mikk set down his pen, adjusting his reading glasses with one finger. "So, Allen." He said smoothly, spinning his chair round to face his client. "Tell me about your friends. Have they been supportive to you?"

Allen shuffled on the couch and sighed. "More than I could have ever hoped," he replied sincerely, looking down at his feet. "Lavi is great to talk to, and I guess he's the one that makes me laugh. Lenalee is acting like a mother, but I can't say I don't like it…" he trailed off with a smile.

Mr. Mikk smiled too. "That is pleasing. What about that 'Kanda' you once mentioned? What is your relationship with him?"

_He remembered my mention of Kanda? Ooh-er._

"Frenemies." Was the first word that slipped out of Allen's mouth. He instantly regretted it. _Liar…_ _and I promised not to!_ "No. That's not true..."

"Hm?"

"Kanda isn't like the others. I like the way he is with me. He doesn't pry, nor does he give me too much sympathy for what has happened. He's straight about everything he says, and I like that. It's refreshing."

As Allen spoke, Mr. Mikk scribbled quickly onto his paper, noting the boy's words.

"Mr. Mikk?" Allen suddenly asked. Said man looked up, removing his glasses and revealing his stunning chocolate brown eyes at last.

"Yes, Allen?"

"Um, I hope you don't mind me asking… a, well… a bit of an embarrassing and personal question…?"

The older male simply smiled again and leaned back in his chair, stretching a bit like a human-sized, sexy cat. "Of course, Allen. I am here for you to speak to without any worries."

_Allen, if you screw up, you're fulfilling Bookman's suspicion of bath suicide. _"What is your sexuality, Mr. Mikk?" There. It was out.

To Allen's surprise, Mr. Mikk's answer was immediate and relaxed. "That is not an awkward question at all, Allen. I am bisexual." He explained, running a hand through his full brown curls. Allen stared, not having expected as such.

_Bisexual…? So then… _"H-how did you find out?"

"When I was thirteen, I realised that the one I wanted to pursue a relationship with was male, although I still found great interest in females too."

"A-ah, ok…" _My first memory of the term 'bisexual' was two years ago… when a classmate disapproved and complained about how they were whores and wanted a 'piece of everything'…_

"Could it be that you are confused about this matter, Allen?"

The boy sighed and his shoulders slumped in defeat. "Well, yes…" he admitted. If he couldn't tell Kanda about this, Mr. Mikk was perfect too.

"Ah?"

"I might be mistaking this for… for love, but… Well, I… If it's that I'd like to know him in that way, it could be… if…"

Mr. Mikk waited patiently for Allen to pull himself together, a knowing smile on his handsome features. Finally, Allen seemed to get over his verbal confusion and sat up straight. "The one I think I have grown to like… I don't think he understands me. I want to understand _him, _so badly, but I don't think he wants to let me in…"

Mr. Mikk raised his eyebrows, seemingly impressed. "You are determined, Allen Walker?"

"I-I… well… Ugh. I'm not going to deny it anymore, because I don't want to lie!" The boy fisted his hands in his hair. "I think I love him, even if I've only known him for a short time. I just somehow feel a connection with him that I don't have with anyone else! That's what love is, right? I care for him for a reason I can't work out and want to see him smile, for real. I'd like him to think of me not only as a friend, but as someone he knows very deeply and can rely on about everything. I'd like him to think of me as… somebody with a deeper meaning, and…" the whitehead felt himself blushing at the strange thought that crossed his mind next, but he pushed it away quickly. "This person is a man. If I really… No, I _know_ I feel about him in that way. This would make me gay, but… I no longer care. I used to be embarrassed, but not anymore."

Allen paused in shock at the feel of a massive weight being shifted off his chest.

"Does that not feel better now?" Mr. Mikk asked, calm as ever, even after Allen's slightly overdramatic revelation.

"Yes…"

"Is the one you like aware of your affections?" Mr. Mikk asked gently.

Allen felt a small pain in his chest, but he shrugged with a sad smile on his face. "I don't think so, and he would kill me if I told him, surely."

"Ah, your exaggeration tells me that you have possibly not yet considered revealing true your feelings as they are. Maybe he does know, and you just do not realise. Maybe he is too afraid to acknowledge you."

"I'm about as indirect as I can be…"

Mr. Mikk tilted his head and placed the tip of his pen on his lower lip.

"Lavi seems to be able to read me like a book. He worked out my problem all by himself…"

"Ah, yes, the complacent redhead. He has an eye for these things, I guess?"

"He's freakishly good with those guesses of his, yes." Allen laughed, and Mr. Mikk joined him.

"You have recovered amazingly, Allen Walker…"

"I realised something." Allen said suddenly, his face becoming tense. "Mana once told me something very important about life, and I feel that I have only just recently discovered the true meaning of what he was trying to tell me. No matter what happens, I'll keep on moving. I have friends to help me, and a new life building before me. It's a promise I made, and one I now truly understand. I will _never_ stop walking forwards… that is my vow to Mana."

"To have such a promise to another is a very powerful motivation, Allen Walker. You should never forget this."

"I know. And as I keep on walking… I must be myself. All the time, I have to keep being myself, and my true self at that…"

Mr. Mikk was writing again, although Allen didn't notice.

_I think I know exactly who I must tell this to… _"… and I want Kanda to know this too."

* * *

…

_I think I've done it._

* * *

**OMGWTFBANANA**. TRY WRITING A STORY WHILE REPEATEDLY LISTENING TO THE 'JAR OF DIRT' REMIX. WE FOUND IT FLIPPING IMPOSSIBLE. WE COULDN'T EVEN PROOF-READ WHILE WE LISTENED. XD XD XD Ok, don't ask...

This chapter was pretty much just lost of separate bits stuck together. That's why it sucks. And damn, Allen's transformation was like a smack on the head for us, too, but we thought that he and Kanda would get nowhere if Allen stayed weak to Kanda's words forever. Now that he's finally back-chatting, Kanda doesn't know how to take it! XD We're quickly growing to like our new confident Allen.

Waking up to having a bunch of friends raiding your kitchen? Zaskaea nearly killed us when I and some other friends did that XD I had her keys from looking after her hamster. It was so funny. :P Kanda was the perfect victim for this scenario.

We absolutely loved writing the end before the therapy session part. This time, it was Kanda's turn to have realisation come to him. ^^ This is our longest chapter yet! :D And yes, we had to add at least a bit of Tyki. Poor guy, having to listen to Allen's spontaneous rants.  
See ya next time, yes? ^^

~Zaskaea & Feezles


	10. Chapter 10: Love

Wah! Long time no freakin' see! It's me, Zaskaea, finally back at her own keyboard. I guess I have some things to say. Sorry for these long A/Ns, but I'm deprived.

My typing skills have deteriorated MASSIVELY over my 'off time'. This took me years to get done, and my writers block was pretty crappy. I had so many ideas, but no idea of how to get them on paper. I hope this is ok.

Thanks to all who wished me a nice trip to Berlin. It was pretty good, I have to say, but I have now discovered the agony of a delayed flight (I'd never flown before until then) and was forced to play poker using gummy-bears instead of cash with my friends in the terminal for THREE HOURS because my DS ran out of battery. Anyway, the shopping time I got allowed me to bag 16 manga books and one pretty pissed off mother. XD However, I am now confused. I got some German -Man volumes (squee!). 'Lenalee' was spelt 'Linali'. I already knew about these variations, and blame it on the translation, but whatevs. In my story the names STAY, dammit!

**DISCLAIMER: Don't own, never will. I own some awesome Ace-card earrings, though, which has no connection whatsoever. (If you don't count Allen's poker cheating kazam)**

**Warning: Proof-reading is probably shit.  
**

* * *

Allen was elated. He and Kanda had separated from their embrace and, in a content silence, gone back downstairs. Although Kanda's expression had remained unreadable, the air around him was no longer frozen enough to frighten off those who began to shiver in the cold temperature of his outer being.

They had gone outside together, exchanging the occasional rapid glance, and got down to work. Kanda had snapped at Lavi, directed Lenalee in a slightly more courteous fashion, but exchanged not a single word with Allen.

Lavi had appeared worried. For once, he had not understood. Allen and Kanda were fine with this, although neither of them really knew what the 'fuck' had happened.

The sound of roots being tugged from hard soil was loud from Lavi's direction, and Lenalee's gentle trimming of the little hedge-plants was accompanied by the signature sound of the shears she used. A certain Japanese, however, had been having a thought.

"Where the hell did you learn the word baka?" Kanda hissed as he watered the back flowerbed with the hose. Allen, who had been sorting the many pots on the neat patio, looked up with a shy smile.

"Manga… and anime stuff… and you…" he replied honestly, wiping his forehead with a gloved hand.

"Fucking weeaboo." Kanda's answer may have seemed harsh, but suddenly Allen felt like he could see right through those unkind words.

Allen's laugh sure did catch Lavi's attention, and said redhead began to wonder whether he was losing it. For some reason, he no longer had the urge to irritate the argumentative constantly. Somehow… they just didn't seem like they should be disturbed.

Once the garden was done, the house was very quickly cleaned. Lenalee took charge immediately and was not to be argued with, something the boys didn't know if they liked or hated. Allen almost thought that the girl was being sexist on herself, but maybe that was only his opinion.

The upstairs cleaning was slightly more 'dangerous'; anyone who attempted to enter Kanda's room was, to put it simply, politely offered a brutal death. Needless to say, nobody tried again after that, not even if they had red hair.

In fact, Kanda only snapped once, and that was when Lavi tried hoovering the guest room beds with just the hoover's hose, nearly sucking the blankets up in the process. Everyone decided that this time, only Lavi's stupidity was to blame. He was punished by being handed a duster and being forced to clean every single glass shelf in Kanda's house, and that was a lot.

The 'if you break anything' rule still counted.

* * *

Turned out, Lavi had a favourite game he enjoyed playing. As Kanda went to order some pizza via phone ("We're not all Sobatarians, Yuu-Chan!"), he introduced Allen to the innuendo game.

Allen looked rather perplexed. "The innuendo game..?" he asked, clueless, and Lavi had to stop himself from laughing at the kid's almost overwhelming innocence.

"You say a word or a phrase. Anything. The, the person who makes the best innuendo out of it gets a point. Y'know?"

To Allen's surprise, Lenalee wasn't giving Lavi that 'you're so hopeless sweetheart' look. In fact, she seemed to be as interested as her boyfriend.

Allen, seeing that he didn't really have a way out of this, took out the hairband that Lavi had believed would be impossible for him to use (and was quickly proved wrong) and sat down on the carpet as his friends watched him understandingly from their seats on the cream sofa. Lenalee glanced around the room, searching for something to name. "Scissors," she said slowly, obviously at a loss of things to say. Allen just stared as Lavi almost laughed himself off the sofa.

"Oh shit. I'm not going to answer to that one…" next to him, Lenalee was smirking evilly.

Allen, still unsure about what had been so funny, faced Lenalee instead. "How about mug?" she asked.

"I think I prefer the term 'cup' there, and the size of yours is ballistic."

Lenalee actually winced and rolled her eyes. "Lavi, that was awful, and not very true. Any ideas for a different word, Allen?"

Vaguely remembering Lavi's earlier rant about the failure of a certain apparatus in his science lessons, Allen had blurted out "overhead projector" before he could consider the consequences. Lavi was almost crying. Then, Allen seemed to get it and blushed crimson.

"Hey, Allen, have you ever even watched porn or anything?" Lavi asked, completely shamelessly. Allen gasped, thanking God that Kanda wasn't in the room to hear that and beat the redhead up.

"No!" he cried, embarrassed by the very word. "I most certainly have not!"

"Wow." Lenalee said gently. "You do emphasise your accent when you are angry."

Allen ignored her, because Lavi was still laughing like crazy. _Thank God Kanda probably can't hear us._

"Masturbated?"

This time, Allen nearly choked on his own breath. Lavi instantly matched that up with the ever growing blush and stopped his laughter. "Ooh, Allen, you naughty boy…" he smirked. The whitehead in question just sputtered uncharacteristically.

"Sh-shut up!"

Lenalee finally smacked Lavi up the back of the head, shooting Allen an apologetic look. "I'll tell him all about what happened at last year's end of year bash if you don't quit it, Lavi."

Those words seemed to have some kind of effect, because the redhead actually listened. Allen was still trying to fight off his growing blush.

"So, when did you do it anyway? Anyone you like to think of while y-"

"LAVI!" Lenalee was thoroughly grateful that her brother was not present; he'd definitely kill the lot of the males in this house for corrupting her apparent 'purity'.

Down on the floor, Allen almost took on a whiny tone as he spoke. "Why do you even want to know?"

"Just curious. You look waaay too innocent for my liking." That was followed by a typical Lavi wink. Well, actually, it just looked like a blink with a little more emphasis, since the boy's other eye was covered by that pirate-like eye patch.

_Innocent? I'll never be innocent again since…_

"I'm… not…" Allen decided to look away, still red faced. "Just forget it."

Apparently, Lavi didn't get the message. "Hey, it doesn't matter. I've masturbated over pictures of-"

Lenalee, heaving a deep sigh, actually punched Lavi in the head this time. "Allen," she said plainly, "sometimes you're one of the only bearable boys I know."

The whitehead in question was staring at the weeping Lavi with an unreadable expression. "I'm guessing that's a compliment?"

* * *

The pizza came shortly after that strange conversation, and Kanda had sworn to decapitate anyone who got any tomato sauce on his carpet, since they had decided to eat it at the coffee table while watching television.

Allen stared down at the massive margherita before him with a despairing look. "How am I supposed to eat all this…?" he mumbled, and the glare he got from Kanda could have drilled a hole through the side of his head.

"You're eating that if you fucking well like it or not, baka moyashi." He grumbled, and Lavi raised his eyebrows.

"If you're going to worry about Allen, do it nicely, Yuu…"

"Fuck off."

"Maybe later."

Kanda watched the moyashi with hidden curiosity. The boy was fiddling with his pizza with those mismatched hands, trying to separate the slices with a nearly concentrated expression. It was almost endearing.

In fact, the boy was absolutely shocked when Kanda reached over, lifted the pizza and tore it down the bad half-cut places with a single tug before going back to his own meal. "Um." Allen said.

None of this went unnoticed by a certain rabbit, but he was too busy stuffing his face to comment. Lenalee was trying desperately to conceal her own smile.

As Allen had before demonstrated in the school canteen, his eating style was a rather questionable one. It was a miracle that he managed to eat the pizza he'd previously insisted on not having in record time and getting no tomato sauce on his face whatsoever in the process. However, he did get quite a bit on his fingers, and was further unintentionally embarrassing himself by licking it off each digit one by one. Yes, the moyashi's table manners sucked, and no, that wasn't a pun.

Kanda shook himself back to reality. What…

Lavi and Lenalee were staring at the TV screen, completely engrossed by the film. Allen was watching with half-assed interest now, leaning his head on the edge of the glass coffee table. Kanda frowned. He'd been staring at the moyashi, the only one not watching the television. How had that happened?

The tallest of the four leaned back into his armchair, vaguely noticing Lavi reaching out for more of his pizza. Still not interested in the film, Kanda became conscious of the clock slowly ticking away in the background. Glancing at it shortly, he realised that it was almost seven. Seven! Lavi, Lenalee and Allen had been in his house since eleven! However…

It had somehow been nice, having friends around to help him. Kanda pinched the bridge of his nose and slowly closed his eyes. Could he say that the day had been… nice?

The hallway… ah, yes, the hallway. Kanda had tried to avoid mulling over that one since it had happened earlier, but…

If he could have, the Japanese may well have smashed his head right against the wall at that moment. But he didn't, because the others were there, and he would look like a complete idiot.

He'd hugged Allen Walker back. He was so fucked.

It had been a strange moment, a moment that had completely whacked Kanda out of his usual demeanour. Had anyone ever done something like Allen before? Openly stood up to Kanda and struck his emotional cords so deeply that he'd…

Kanda wasn't sure what the heck was actually going on anymore. He hadn't even apologised yet, and it somehow seemed that Allen had forgiven him years ago.

Poke.

Ignore.

Poke.

Kanda's head whipped around, causing the teen to promptly smack Lavi in the face with his ponytail. "What?" he snapped, and to his surprise Lavi only made a pouty face instead of answering before first gesturing at the TV, which now had credits scrolling over the screen, and then at the moyashi, who was obviously managing to watch it even as he was lying spread out on the carpet like t-

Oh. He was asleep.

Allen's hair was spread out on the rug, mixing with the pale, wool-like texture easily. His position was much like that of a puppet that had just been dropped; it looked impossibly uncomfortable. He blinked in his sleep, and his shirt had rolled up a bit, exposing a flat but surprisingly toned stomach.

Kanda blinked. "What?" he repeated in a low whisper, and Lavi grinned at him shortly, still saying nothing.

"I think we should head off, Lavi." Lenalee said quietly, standing up and rubbing her eyes. "Thank you so much for your hospitality, Kanda. I hope we were of help to you. We're going to have to wake Allen up, though…"

"Heck no!" Lavi hissed, waving his arms a little wildly. "He's way too cute like this!"

"This is the second time his apparent insomnia seems bullshitted." Kanda muttered to himself, immediately realising his mistake a second later and glaring at the redhead as a warning that obviously wasn't received.

"Second time, eh…?" Something seemed to click in Lavi's brain as his face lit up. "Oooh, Yuu, what've you been up to with Allen recently, eh?"

"What are you, a fucking Canadian?" Kanda growled, getting off the sofa and so away from the irritating redhead. "Shut up and put away the fucking boxes."

Lavi just shrugged and did what he was told. Kanda then turned his attention to Lenalee, who was kneeling next to Allen with a tired look on her face. "We shouldn't wake him. He needs this sleep." She told Kanda, zipping up her cardigan. "Lavi can carry him home."

"And risk him waking up in my arms only to flip shit? No way." Lavi clicked his tongue. Lenalee frowned.

"Well it'd be worse if he woke up in a car!"

All eyes on Kanda.

_Fuck, no-_

"You're coming for him at eight on the DOT tomorrow. Now get him the fuck upstairs." Kanda snapped before stalking out of the room.

Had he taken another look into the living room, he may have just seen Lavi give Lenalee a silent high-five behind his back.

_This responsibility shit is going to be the fucking death of me._

_Ugh, whatever..._

* * *

"Mana! Look at those baby ducks!"

The little boy ran down the riverbank, his bag of bread swaying in his grip with each step. His short, light brown hair bounced as he ran, and his smile only grew as he heard the answer of his guardian. "Yes, they are beautiful, aren't they?"

The boy hopped onto a nearby bench and pulled his knees up to his chest, continuing to peer at the ducks over his knees. The man who had been following approached at a slow pace, seating himself next to the younger, once again silent.

Becoming curious, the boy shielded his eyes from the sun with one hand and reached into his bread bag with the other, throwing some of the food onto the grass some metres on front of him. His grey eyes lit up when birds began to scramble towards it, flapping their wings and trying their best to obtain as much of the bread as they could despite the competition.

The child jumped off the bench, still under the watchful eye of his guardian, and approached something he had spotted in the bushes to his right. It was a group of young geese, their feathers still plain in colour and their necks still short and stubby, making them look a lot like little balls of feathery fluff. "Hello." The boy murmured in a friendly tone, although he grew sad when the little birds began to hurry away from him, making funny squawking noises as they did so. "W-wait! I won't hurt you!" Wondering why they were running, the boy followed, only to fall back with a yelp as something much larger than the chicks jumped out at him. It was a fully grown goose, her wings batting at him furiously, and hissing menacingly as she began to run at the child. "A-ah!"

Footsteps, and then the goose was running in the other direction again, leaping into the water of the river to join her young, who had already found safety. The boy, still in shock, tried to get to his feet, but once he noticed his racing heart he fell down again and began to cry loudly, digging his palms into his eyes.

"Did she frighten you, Allen?" Allen sobbed again, only becoming even noisier as Mana lifted him into his arms, cradling him gently. "There's no need to cry. Calm down, alright? I know that she may have seemed very horrible just then, but… do you know why she did that, Allen…?"

Allen looked up at his father, wiping the tears from his eyes and swallowing. "N-no… I don't think she liked me very much, and she was very frightening…"

"It wasn't personal, Allen. She was only trying to protect her little ones, so you shouldn't be sad."

Allen blinked, his large eyes clearly confused. "Huh…?" he hiccupped.

"She only wanted you to go away because she thought you wanted to hurt her chicks. She didn't do it because she hated you, she's only a goose following her instincts, what she thinks is right. She loves her chicks, and doesn't want them to get hurt."

"But I wouldn't have hurt them anyway. Although…" Comprehending a little more, the boy nodded and looked down at the grass, where sparrows and ducks still fought over the breadcrumbs he had thrown. "Oh…"

"See, Allen? If you thought somebody was going to come and hurt me, would you try to make them go away?"

The answer was immediate and vehement. "Of course I would!"

Mana laughed softly, placing Allen back down onto the bench, but still embracing him. "And why, Allen…?"

"I…" Allen frowned, trying to find the correct answer for such a question. After a moment, he smiled and threw his arms up in a gesture of joy. "For the same reason as that goose! Because I love you, Mana, and I don't want anyone to hurt you or take you away from me! Just like you don't want anyone to hurt or take _me_ away, right?"

"That's exactly what I mean, Allen." Both of them laughed, and Allen clung to his father's arm with renewed energy.

"Everybody who loves someone else would want to protect them. That's right, isn't it?"

"Hm?"

"But I don't understand, Mana…"

The man turned to his son, his smile open. "What is it that you don't understand, then?" he asked.

"There isn't just one type of love, is there?"

Mana's eyes sparkled in the midday sun, and he leaned his head to the side with a silent sigh. "You're a clever boy, Allen. That is true."

"There's that love like you always talk about, like you and me. But you and me don't kiss in the way that you say married people do. We only kiss like this…"

The little boy kneeled on the bench, pressing a warm kiss to his guardian's cheek. He withdrew, and seeing Mana's warm expression, laughed quietly. "Is there a difference, Mana?"

"Yes, Allen. Families." Mana said suddenly, gazing out onto the river. "They usually have a mother, a father and children, don't they?"

"Mh-hm."

"Those parents love each other very differently from the way that we love each other, Allen-"

"Mana, why is it only ever just boys and girls?"

"Pardon, Allen?"

"I mean, um, is it just normal to have a boy and a girl together? Do people not think it's right if two girls or two boys had a family?"

Almost surprised by such a question coming from a six-year-old, Mana shook his head. "There is nothing wrong at all with that. It's just more common to have a man and a woman together, because that is the preference most people have. Also, they are the only ones who can have children."

"Oh, I forgot about that. Wait, then can't two girls have children? Girls are the ones that get fat when they want a baby."

Mana, sensing that it wasn't altogether wise to give a six-year-old the talk, even if the child was smart, paused for a while.

"You need a man _and_ a woman. They are the ingredients for a child. Hot chocolate, Allen. What do you need to make it?"

"Milk and chocolate powder!" Allen replied enthusiastically, pleased at knowing the answer.

"Yes. Now imagine trying to make it with only milk or only chocolate powder. It wouldn't work, would it?"

"No…"

"There, you see?"

"So, wait. People who don't love each other in the way that we do have to make a family and get children?"

"That is one of the reasons they may love each other, yes, but it's not always like that. Some just want to be near each other because they feel safe and love that person with everything they have."

"Then what about two boys and two girls?"

"They would love each other in exactly the same way as a man and woman couple, only that they couldn't have children."

"So then it really doesn't matter who you love."

"Not at all, Allen."

"That's nice!"

"Yes, it is."

Silence once again fell over the pair on the bench. Allen continued to lazily throw crumbs onto the grass, watching the birds devour every last one, all the time deep in thought.

_I still don't understand one thing, though. If I could love anyone you wanted, why do I never see two boys or two girls kiss? Do most people just like people who aren't like them or are they…_

… _scared?_

…

_Because some people are scared of doing things that others don't, and I don't see people…_

… _people k… ki…_

* * *

_Kiss…_

* * *

_I should have known. They were all right. There aren't other people like me. I'm just a freak. Maybe it's best, if…_

"Yuu? Yuu? Are you… oh my goodness, Yuu!"

_There are hands on my face, but they're not his._

_They're hers. They're nice and warm, soothing on my skin, but they're not the hands I want to feel. I…_

"Yuu. Yuu, don't push me away. Come on, let me hug you…"

_There are arms around my waist, but they're not his._

_They're hers. They're nice and strong, safe around my body, but they're not the arms I want to feel. I…_

"Kachan. I made a big mistake."

_I made a mistake…_

"You know Alma is moving away today."

"I know you're upset about that, but Yuu… things can't always stay the same-"

"I wanted to say goodbye. I messed everything up. He hates me now. I know he hates me."

Cerulean eyes widened, meeting their twin pair in a moment of shock. "Honey, what on earth are you talking about-"

"I kissed him."

Another wave of shock. "You…?"

He was poker-faced, but his voice was a choked one. "I kissed him because I thought it was right, because I thought he would like a goodbye present. He ran away and glared at me."

"Yuu…"

"He told me I was a freak."

_A freak._

"Oh my g-…"

_It's funny how one act can turn the tables in a single second._

"He's right, Kachan. It's not normal that-"

"It's perfectly fine."

_Fine…?_

"K-Kachan…?"

"You're normal. There's nothing wrong with you at all, Yuu."

_How can she lie so easily! I don't want her to lie to make me happy! I hate that!_

"But dammit, I-!"

"Don't swear! Listen to me, Yuu. Not all people are like you, and Alma obviously wasn't, but you're still perfectly fine-"

_She doesn't understand. She never will._

"Boys aren't meant to like other boys like that."

_Please understand!_

"They can if they want to."

_Stop lying!_

"Then why do other people-"

"They're idiots."

"Uh." Kanda paused, surprised by his mother's use of such a word. However, the woman wasn't finished yet.

"They're just intolerant and stupid. Yuu, I don't want you to change who you are for others, you hear me?"

"I-"

"We both know what you are, honey. There is nothing. Wrong. With. It. Whatsoever."

Kanda bit his lip and pressed his eyes shut, allowing his shoulder-length hair to fall over his pale face. He didn't want to hear this, or accept it, but there was no other choice now. "I want to be alone, Kachan." He said, revealing nothing else.

"Ok, honey." His mother answered, pushing her son's hair behind his ears to reveal his eyes. "Just give yourself time."

Then Kanda ran upstairs.

And didn't come down for the whole rest of the day.

_The truth hurts like a bitch. Still does, always has.  
_

* * *

"_The person you have called is currently unavailable. Please leave a message after the beep, or press 1 to restart the recording!"_

Beep!

"_Yuu! Wakeys! This is an exclusive Lavi's-extremely-irritating wake-up call with a 100% piss-off rate! So Yuu, be sure to look after the m-"_

Whack!

Kanda turned on his bed, pleased to have finally shut that damn phone up. It should be illegal for the baka usagi to make calls before seven in the morning because damn, they were fucking irritating.

The sunlight was as strong as yesterday, heating Kanda's room to a very uncomfortable level.

_What the hell… or why the hell… did I dream about that? Fucking hell, the rabbit and his fucking gay accusations about the moyashi must be getting to me._

_Hold on. The moyashi…?_

Then, suddenly, last night's occurrences hit the Japanese teen like a ton of bricks, sending Kanda leaping out of his bed. Somewhere in his house there was-

And oh my fucking Lord, it wasn't seven, it was two-fucking thirty-

Who the hell had stopped his alarm-

And who the fuck was talking downstairs, and what the fuck were they-

…

"I can explain, Ms! I promise, this isn't what it looks like!"

…

Fuck.

* * *

Yeah, random ending is random. The next chapter is the one I'm proud of; this one is SUCH A MESS, I think. Also, I couldn't resist the 'I most certainly have not!' thing. It's true, y'know. Whenever I or one of my friends say it, the trashy London accent goes and we're back to old British.

Feezles is still involved with this story, and feeding me her crazy little ideas; she is in no way gone! Again, gotta thank that girl.

I'll sure do my best not to get something as important as my hands hurt so easily again. As for what happened; to make a long story short, it involved a sharp metal fence that made lots and lots of lovely red scars on my hand after slicing my skin in numerous places. It's useable but looks like shite.

Thanks for your patience. You're all fantastic. **By the way, is there anything I can do for you lot once I reach 100 reviews? Like, a oneshot or something? Please tell me if yes! :D**

~Zaskaea

P.S: The overhead projector thing really happened to me. I had no idea, lol.  
P.P.S So did the angry goose thing. It was really, really scary at the time. I only wanted to see the damn chicks, woman! DX


	11. Chapter 11: Impression

A bit of an extra here. Two chapters in one day. This is the one I put a lot of focus on; the last one was more of a build up to this and a flashback thing. I should be revising for my history exam right now, guys, but I'm not. I'm typing this. I made you wait long enough, and that was very mean.

So, here. This chapter came easily, while the last was such a pain to get typed. Random stuff in this chapter, I warn you. And wow, next door's dog will NOT SHUT THE HELL UP, and it's very distracting. It's called Tim… which reminds me that something representing Timcampy has still to make an appearance in this story. Uh.

**DISCLAIMER: I've finally, FINALLY created a drawing style unique to me. It looks nothing like Hoshino-sensei's.**

**… Well, maybe only a tiny little bit.**

**AGAIN, PROOF-READING MAY BE SHIT BECAUSE MY SPELL-CHECK IS THE PITS.**

* * *

To be Frank, Lavi knew a hell of a lot more about Kanda than he admitted. He would've told the world if he could, really, but that would easily result in a daily threat to his life.

A second thing was that, although he seemed like it, Lavi was not the notorious sex kitten some people thought he was. He was actually quite respectful when it came to the deep private lives of others, although in a way his own had to remain secret for the same reason as the first point; Komui would shred his sorry nuts if he let anything leak.

… No pun intended.

Lenalee's terrifying heels were enough of a threat to Lavi's opposition already, actually, and she had been planning on cutting her hair to the max just to rebel against the devilish sister complex that haunted her and her poor boyfriend's (or any other male she was associated with actually) life.

Nevertheless, Lavi Bookman was not a virgin. It may have been surprising that he did not brag, but he had his reasons. For a start, it had taken one hell of a plan to get accomplished (or let's just say, they'd had to make necessary preparations to avoid certain people catching them) and he loved his girlfriend too much to not follow her direct wishes. If Komui found out, then tears would be shed and heads would roll. Oh, gee. Again, not a pun.

So. Lavi was not a cockblocker. Simple as.

However. He was a master at detecting sexual frustration, total virgins and people with crushes they were too blind to notice themselves.

As a part of his and Lenalee's little plan, they had… forced Kanda to keep a certain something at his house for the night. Obviously there was a lot more emotional madness going on behind Kanda's weird but gradual transformation than just affection. Both he and Allen had rather… unpleasant backgrounds, something Lavi was all too familiar with. However, he had picked his life up again and moved on, having people to support him and help him along. Allen Walker had tried his best to put on this façade, but his obvious instability and lack of proper companions had given him away. Kanda, on the other hand, was just a selfish bastard. He had lots of people to talk to, to rely on. He even had a parent, for God's sake, and he still played cold fish.

The plan was to make Kanda open up via Allen Walker, because the white-haired kid seemed to have some talent in that category. Just push them together a bit more, but let them do the rest themselves.

So, Kanda Yuu had been left with a little something at his house, something that Lavi was meant to pick up at around eight before Kanda's mother turned up again. Of course, he could just 'forget', because firstly that would be absolutely hilarious and secondly because Kanda would have to do some explaining to his potentially confused parent.

"It's nearly two thirty. You think I should ring soon?"

Lenalee glanced up from her cereal, directing her purple-eyed gaze at the screen of Lavi's phone. "I'd think so."

Yes. One thing that Lavi did know about Kanda was that the Japanese was totally. Lost. Without. His. Alarm. Clock.

… Which Lavi had made sure to 'break' before he left. So to say.

"You know Allen might just kill us, too?" Lavi mumbled, searching through his contacts. Scratching the last milk out of her bowl with a spoon, Lenalee gave him a questionable look.

"Allen?"

"You don't know him in that way, do you?" Lavi almost shuddered, and the Chinese girl began to get a little concerned.

"I don't understand."

_I'll save her the pain of explaining Black Allen._

"Never mind then. Ah… Ha! Guess who's not picking up? I think it worked."

"This will be the death of us, Lavi…"

"Your brother's been enough to toughen me up for this. Ok, I'm leaving a message."

* * *

Allen was beginning to get annoyed at his habit of waking up in strange places. He didn't know this room at all, and it definitely wasn't in Bookman's house. It didn't smell musty enough. It smelt very fresh, and the light coming in through the window had heated the room enough to make it rival a sauna. However, if whatever he was lying on wasn't comfortable, he didn't know what was.

Allen sat up, rubbing his eyes and trying to wake them up a little more. Cream colours met his vision as he opened them, and as they adjusted, a framed picture of a sakura tree became visible. A sakura tree…? No. This definitely wasn't Lavi's pl-

Oh, shit.

In a matter of seconds, Allen had literally fallen out of the bed and had bolted into the hallway. Looking around frantically as he pressed his damaged hand to his mouth, a door with a ceramic dolphin on its surface caught his eye. Running towards it, Allen was barely in time as he tumbled into the bathroom, flipped up the toilet seat and threw up into the bowl.

After another minute of dry retching, Allen collapsed onto the edge of the sink. Oh, nasty. What had he eaten again…? Oh, yeah… a whole friggin' pizza… why…

Standing up shakily, Allen washed his mouth out with tap-water and flushed the toilet, not wanting to look at the emptied contents of his stomach. Obviously those tablets literally hated his guts, because now as well as looking like a panda he also couldn't keep down his beloved food.

Suddenly, Allen realised something. He realised just how freezing cold his feet were.

Really, it should have been normal, considering the floor was tiled, but where on earth were his…

Allen glanced down at his bare legs and paled. What. The Hell.

_My socks, and- and-_

_My trousers!_

Ok, he was still wearing a shirt, but there was no way he could walk around the house he'd established to be Kanda's in nothing but… Allen almost breathed a sigh of relief as he saw that his black boxers were still present. Well, that was a start, but his shirt was beyond creased and didn't smell too pleasant after having been slept in a night.

_Oh, man. I fell asleep, didn't I? And Lavi and Lenalee left me here. Ugh… I guess I'm to blame for this one…_

Allen made sure he'd left nothing on the toilet seat before walking out of the bathroom and into Kanda's spacious hallway. It was lovely and warm, and Allen smiled at the sight of the potted plants lining the walls and the orchids on the window-sill. They were very colourful, bringing life into the slightly plain colours of the houses' interior.

_Maybe Kanda is downstairs… I should just take a peek to make sure…_

Warming his feet on the carpeted stairs, Allen made his way into Kanda's kitchen. It was a little darker in there since the windows had blinds instead of curtains, so Allen reached over the sink and pulled on the cord. Sunlight flooded the room, making him shield his eyes momentarily.

Then he opened his eyes and saw his reflection in the window. Allen groaned. He had one hell of a bed-head, and he looked like he'd been dragged through a carpet factory. His shirt was half-off, so Allen was just about to pull it back onto his shoulder when he spotted something just outside Kanda's front garden. It was a taxi, parked and currently having suitcases unloaded from its boot by the driver. However, that wasn't what worried Allen.

There was a woman standing at the end of the path, a bag in hand, and she was staring right back at him with a bewildered look on her beautiful face. Allen then realised that this had to be Kanda's mother and that oh shit, he was standing in her house looking extremely under-dressed.

_Well, there goes my planned gentlemanly introduction._

Shaking himself out of his stupor, Allen made to flee up the stairs. Of course, luck hated him just as much as his anti-depressants because the moment he began to run up the stairs he heard keys in the door.

Then the door opened, and Hasuko Kanda was given a rather stunning view of Allen Walker's backside as he froze halfway up the stairs, realising his escape attempt had failed royally. Crap. Crap. Crap. Say something!

"I can explain, Ms! I promise, this isn't what it looks like!"

"Who the fuck broke my fucking alarm-"

Then it just got worse, because someone came racing down the stairs, spouting a range of colourful vocabulary as they did, before slamming into the paralysed whitehead. Allen went tumbling backwards with an outraged cry before someone caught him he managed to grab the railings with frantic hands.

_Dammit! I think I've got carpet burn on my knee now!_

Then Allen glanced upwards, and could have slammed his head into the banister then and there. It was Kanda, shirtless with loose pants hanging dangerously low on his hips.

All the time, Hasuko Kanda was standing in the doorway, her expression halfway between shock and an amused smirk. Kanda just looked mortified.

Turning his head around slowly, Allen got his first good look of Kanda's mother. She looked startlingly a lot like her son, with the same slim face and beautiful cerulean eyes. Her hair was a midnight black, too, and it almost looked a little shorter than Kanda's. (Allen could tell, because both had their hair down.)

To Allen's surprise, Ms. Kanda just dropped her bag and put her hands on her slim hips with a wide smile. "I'm back!" she exclaimed as though she didn't have two half-dressed guys on front of her, boasting the same gentle accent as her son. Allen was dumbfounded enough not to take notice of Kanda's arm still around his waist from having caught him.

Then Kanda dropped him (making Allen hit the stairs with a loud thud) and walked down the stairs, allowing Hasuko to give him a brief hug, giggling all the while. The taxi driver, in the meantime, had deposited the woman's bags outside the door and left. Obviously, Tiedoll had said goodbye at the airport to avoid enraging his girlfriend's temperamental son on a Sunday.

Allen, meanwhile, was bright red with shame. Unsure of what to do in his state, he curled up on the stairs and buried his face into his knees, grumbling as he did. What a bloody screw-up.

"My goodness, are you alright?"

He almost couldn't look up. "I'm so sorry miss, but… I don't know where my trousers are!"

Kanda's face was exasperated. _Out of everything that fucking idiot clould have said? _"Are you fucking joking?" he gaped, trying to make it clear to the moyashi about just how suggestive that had sounded and that those words had been in no way a decent greeting. Allen, however, as in no mood for Kanda's temper.

"No, I'm not! I can say thank you for letting me stay here for the night, but seriously! There's no need to hide my clothes!"

"I didn't fucking well hide your clothes-"

"Well they weren't in the room I went in!"

"You didn't fucking well look well enou-"

"Boys! Boys! Boys!" All eyes on Hasuko. Then Allen realised his Kanda-induced rudeness and hid his face again. "First things first. Yuu, shame on you for swearing. And… excuse me, but could I please know your name?"

The woman was _still_ all smiles. That was weird to Allen, since Kanda looked like he lacked the muscles in his face for it and yet his mother appeared to be a natural.

"I'm… My name is Allen Walker." He said, finally standing up and pulling his shirt down as far as he could, also hiding the bruises he really didn't want anyone to see. "Pleased to meet you, Ms." He walked down the stairs and bowed shortly, trying to appear at least a little bit courteous. He missed the spark of recognition in the older Kanda's eyes.

"You're a delightful boy, aren't you?" Allen was relieved when the woman did not question his lack of offering a handshake. "Ah, well. You can explain once I make you two something to eat. You look like you've only just woken up. Allen-kun, if you want, you can borrow some of Yuu's clothes, even if they're a little big. Have a look in his room in the big black wardrobe-"

"What the-" Kanda began icily, and Allen could only watch in vague mortification as Hasuko imitated one of his famous death-glares perfectly and effectively shut him up.

"-and I'll just have a word with Yuu here."

* * *

Kanda didn't know what the hell was going on, really. Since Allen had been asleep, Kanda had been the one to carry him up the stairs before Lavi said he'd make the moyashi as 'comfortable as possible'. Removing the kid's belt seemed fair enough, but his trousers too and half-undoing his shirt? What the hell? And where the fuck had the rabbit hidden the clothes he'd taken off?

Shit, this could take some explaining. Any moment now, Hasuko's infamous questionnaire would begin.

"Ah, I'll unpack later, hm? Right now, I've got to get you and our little guest something to eat. So this is the Allen you talked to me about? He certainly is an interesting character!" the woman chatted away, searching through the fridge. "Oh, how nice, you actually went shopping instead of just living off junk when I was away?"

_Dammit…_

"Kachan, before you start on me, I want to get something straight." The Japanese ground out.

Hasuko closed the fridge and put the ingredients for tempura on the counter. "Yes?" she answered, not looking at her son as she wiped her hands on some kitchen roll after washing them in the sink.

"I did. Not. Sleep with him."

Hasuko blinked, leaning her model figure against the kitchen counter. "… Did I say you did?" her smile was threatening to burst off her face.

_Oh my fucking FAIL. _Kanda couldn't believe he'd just said that. Stay calm. Stay calm.

"No."

"Anyway, if you did, I would have some serious things to speak to you about. Condoms are advised at all times, Yuu, and I would by no means suggest-"

Kanda sputtered, staring at the woman in front of himin horror. TMI. TMI. "The HELL?"

"Joking, honey."

_Fucking hell. The time without her has made me forget about just how… bloody hell._

"Let me do that." Kanda offered, taking his mother's place before the counter. "You've just arrived back after one hell of a flight; get some rest."

Kanda's mother enjoyed the warm feeling in her chest before pressing a small kiss to her son's pale cheek. "You know, I really, really missed you and your crazy ways." She whispered into his ear before laughing silently and exiting the kitchen to find her bags.

* * *

Allen had a problem. He hadn't noticed it that much before, or maybe he'd just been reluctant to admit it, but… "He's so tall!"

Every pair of Kanda's trousers went way past Allen's feet, and even the whitehead had been told that his legs were quite a bit longer than average. Apparently, Kanda owned no shorts whatsoever, or maybe he just hid them; Allen didn't really want to search the room to find out. There wasn't really much to look at in here, anyway; Kanda seemed to be a total clean-freak. He must even dust his computer screen daily, because it was absolutely spotless.

Allen flopped backwards onto Kanda's bed and stared at the ceiling. This day just wasn't going very well, was it? He'd have to make one heck of an effort to make a good impression on Ms. Kanda now. That ordeal just then had been embarrassing as hell.

_Technically, it's your fault for sleeping so long…_

_Yeah, but I needed it._

_Oh, hello, you answered._

_Fuck off._

… _My goodness, what happened to the shy attitude?_

Without thinking, Allen grabbed Kanda's pillow and slammed it over his head, pressing his face into the mattress.

Oh. _That smells nice._

Clack.

"Moyashi!" Allen squeaked and tumbled off the bed, effectively dragging the covers and pillow with him. Kanda just stared furiously at the pile of material on his floor that this resulted in. "… Are you going to wash my fucking bedding now it's been on the fucking floor? What the hell were you doing!"

Allen, having whacked his head a little on colliding with the floor, poked his head out of the pile and blinked. "Oh." He mumbled, comprehending that yes, the majority of Kanda's bed sheets were now on top of him. "I apologise."

"Kill me now. Fucking kill me now." Kanda was close to breaking something, preferably his own skull.

Then a complete déjà vu occurred when two small arms wound their way around his waist. "Above everything else, Kanda, I forgot to say good morning. Thank you very much for allowing me to sleep here."

Completely disarmed by Allen's unpredictable acts, Kanda froze up completely; something the whitehead had worked out to be a defensive technique of Kanda's when he didn't know what else to do.

If you made Kanda Yuu freeze up, you were doing well. Pushing himself a little, Allen squeezed the other male a little tighter. Kanda let out a tiny but audible gasp. "Moyashi, what the-"

_He smells just like the bedclothes… fresh… _

"What the fuck?"

Allen had leaned upwards and was tracing his nose up Kanda's still bare chest, unintentionally tickling the other as he did so.

Kanda was curious. He was curious about what the fuck the moyashi was up to, and he was curious about why he hadn't pushed the other off and through the window yet.

Allen breathed out onto his chest, the warm air making Kanda shiver. Then the tip of Allen's nose was replaced by the boy's lips, running over the skin of Kanda's collarbone.

Kanda didn not like this rapid change of mood at all. The moyashi was creepy when he was like this.

"I'm afraid, Kanda… and I'm telling you because I promised not to lie anymore-"

_If you don't say it now, he'll get that fucking guilt complex again and I'll get the responsibility._

"Sorry."

_It's out. Fucking hell. It's out. I said it._

"Kanda?" Allen looked up at the other's face, stunned. "I…"

_Say it. Say it while you can._

"Should have fucking well said it ages ago. Sent a fucking note, like a fucking pussy."

_I just called myself a..._

"I don't know wha… oh!" _He meant to say it to me…? _"Kanda…" Allen said slowly, recognising Kanda's lowered barriers well through the teen's words alone. "You're stupid."

"What the f-"

"You're stupid because I forgave you ages ago! Didn't you notice?" Allen's laugh was pure, not a bit mocking. Kanda stared at him, at a loss of words. "Of course I forgive you. You've done too much for me already, why should you have to apologise for something like that? Didn't I say we could help each other?"

At a loss of words… So, like the day before, Kanda caught the moyashi completely by surprise and returned the hug, almost squashing the smaller boy against him with the force of his pull.

_I'm never going to tell you this, but thank Kami that people like you exist._

Allen was still laughing gently, and that laugh was one of the happiest Kanda had ever heard.

"Kanda… while I'm right here, I want to tell you something."

Was it his imagination, or was the moyashi's voice suddenly shaky?

"I…!" That one letter words was followed by a jumble of words said too quickly for Kanda to comprehend properly.

_Pleaseyoufuckingwhat?_

"Talk properly or don't fucking talk at all." Kanda growled, but the fact that he had the majority of his face in the moyashi's hair wasn't helping his voice articulation either.

"Kanda, I like you how a man would love a woman, I think. That's how Mana explained it to me."

_What the hell? Does he…_

"But I'm afraid. I'm afraid that you'll laugh at me and tell me I'm an idiot because I know you would."

Kanda's grip on the moyashi's waist tightened to a painful degree, and the boy began to sob. "I don't want you to hate me and I tried so hard so that you wouldn't, because I don't want any more people to leave me… b-because if they d-did… I… It hurts so much! I don't want you to hate me, Kanda! And I promise, I don't hate you either, you just make me mad when you are because I can be me, but when I'm like that I think that you…"

"Moyashi, shut-"

"And you might not think I'm serious because I haven't known you for so long but I…"

He was whispering now, whispering for only two pairs of ears to hear. "I know enough about love to tell that I'm an idiot for having found it with someone like you."

_And the mask falls again, wrenching the dam from before his river of tears._

* * *

Hasuko didn't really know what was going on, nor did she want to disturb her son. He had come downstairs, pallid and looking a bit lost before once again telling her to sleep and saying that the food could wait. Allen had not been with him.

Then Yuu had gone back upstairs, his hand on his forehead, and shut himself in his room, leaving his bewildered mother in the kitchen.

Something was wrong.

* * *

"I'm sorry." Allen whispered, trembling as he lay on Kanda's bed. "I can go home if that's what you want. I'll never go near you again, even..."

"Moyashi."

"H-huh?"

"The rabbit was right. You are a fag."

Allen's face remained unchanged. "I know. You are too, Kanda. Does it matter?"

"You're fucking hated for who you are if you're queer." The Japanese replied in a venomous tone, leaning against his locked door. Those words unleashes the side of Allen that he really didn't like.

"Stop it!" Allen cried, sitting up at last. "Stop saying those words. They're all offensive. Kanda, that's something I really hate about you! If you hate _yourself, _if _you _disrespect who _you are _then people will just do the same back!"

_Enough of these damn speeches! _"Stop being such a fucking wisecrack!"

"And you grow up!" The smaller boy yelled right back, not hesitating in his comeback.

"Well, you're the one who's fucking crying all the fucking time!"

"And you're the one who's too stupid to accept that he's not alone and that he can just be himself for once, dammit! You never learn!"

Silence, deadly silence.

"You said it yourself. Nobody can like me for who I am, so there's no way I fucking believe you when you say that you like me like that! What the fuck do you think I am, stupid?"

"And what the fuck do you think _I _am? A liar? After all my damn promises about never avoiding the truth again? Do you even remember who I made that promise to, Kanda? Do you even remember? It was YOU! I told YOU that I'd never lie, and now you accuse me of it again? Are YOU stupid?"

"Moyashi-"

"You're the one who dragged me out of my crazy mind. You're the one who slapped reality over my face, and now you're putting the curtain in front of your own eyes! Why are you so intent on acting like this? Just let someone IN, dammit!"

"Why the fuck should I?" Kanda retorted, but he knew that he was losing ground in the argument.

"Because it would make your life one hell of a lot easier, that's why!"

_Smack!_

Kanda's head was forced sideways, making him hit his cheekbone on the solid wood. After a few seconds of total blankness, the teen swore loudly before facing the moyashi. The boy was standing on front of him with an upset glare on his face, his hand still raised as if to remind the other that yes, that slap had been 100% authentic.

"Tell me I'm such a woman, whatever. But seriously, Kanda, you needed that."

Said Japanese was still gaping at the smaller male in disbelief. He did not just. He did not just.

Then Kanda had grabbed the moyashi by his collar and almost lifted him off his feet. Allen struggled, although his face remained defiant. "I'm… done with… you… being such… an… ass!" he managed, biting his lip hard enough to make it turn white.

_I preferred this kid as a weeping mess. What the FUCK is this?_

"Fucking persistent!"

"You're not going to slap me back?" Allen wheezed.

"Men aren't supposed to slap girls." Kanda hissed slyly, and Allen turned red.

"I didn't mean it literally when I said you could call me a-!"

"Are you fucking pregnant or something? Get a hold of yourself before my mother gets you on fucking hormone control pills."

Allen raised a thin, white eyebrow. "Could say as much to you, too, Kanda."

"You little-"

Allen took advantage of the fact that Kanda had put him down and loosened his collar, taking a deep breath. "Can we stop this? I don't want to argue anymore. It's boring."

The tension in the air deflated faster than a balloon that had a pin through it. The moyashi looked genuinely apologetic.

"I'm sorry for exploding on you like that, Kanda. Thank you for the apology, although still… I really did forgive you ages ago."

_Thank Kami that Lavi or Lenalee didn't see that fucking slap- wait, what?_

"I heard you the first time, idiot."

"I'm glad."

Kanda stayed completely still as he watched the moyashi's expression go back to its usual, serene state. The boy was standing right up against him, and the dark-haired teen could sense the younger's trembling. The moyashi was nervous.

Allen's hands were tracing back up his chest, probing, curious, and Kanda was not going to stop him. He wanted to know what the moyashi wanted. He was done with verbally screwing with this boy because really… right now, he did not deserve it.

_I'm never going to tell you this, but thank Kami that people like you exist._

Allen was leaning up as far as he could, and Kanda bent down a little to meet his eyes a little better. However, Allen avoided the gaze, his eyes fixed on what was right in front of him; he almost looked dazed.

Those hands were now resting on Kanda's shoulders, squeezing, shaking. Allen's breath was rugged, his heart accelerated. Now, Kanda was concerned. Was he having a…

Wait. _Don't move._

The moyashi was close, far too close, but Kanda had sworn himself not to move. Allen's whispered words were jumbled and unclear, almost like a fading mantra. The boy's face radiated heat, and his eyelids were flickering over his steel-grey orbs. So close. Too close.

But so beautiful.

Kanda had never before properly considered Allen's unusual charm. Not until now. That silvery hair, that piercing scar, that ruined hand. So many flaws… but still such splendour.

_I'm a liar, too, and maybe I should follow this idiot's footsteps on trying to crack that habit. Right now, I want this. I can break my fucking head over this later._

Allen almost clawed at Kanda's shoulders as he finally forced his head forwards, pressing his greedy lips to the expectant ones before him. He didn't even know what he was doing, really, nor had he realised that Kanda was not pushing him away yet; all he saw were those fantastic blue eyes closing before him, and he followed suit, letting himself go limp at last.

_This is a real kiss. This is a real kiss. This is not the ravenous mouth of the man who broke me. This is something beautiful._

_I'm not scared now. No. Not scared._

Allen barely realised the furious passion that he was feeding into the contact, nor was he conscious of the sobs that became moans as fat tears rolled down his cheeks. He had to feel Kanda. He needed to hold him tighter. He had to make sure that he wouldn't go.

The feeling of Kanda's own arms wrapping themselves all the way around him worked wonders for the whitehead, and the feeling of the older boy's soft, black locks stroking his face was an almost ghostly sensation. Kanda was nipping at his lips, coaxing Allen's inexperienced mouth into more devious activities; Allen was barely conscious of his surroundings anymore, only feeling his pounding heart and Kanda's warmth spreading into him.

* * *

_I remember that dream from nights ago. The one with father, and the moyashi._

_I think I understand now._

_They both cried out for my help, but all along… I was supposed to be aiding the one that needed me then instead of clinging to the past._

_Allen Walker clings to the past, too, but not in the way that I do. Allen Walker showed a different type of strength._

_Moyashi._

_You're a very special person, moyashi…_

_See, I didn't lie. Even if you didn't hear it… I didn't lie._

And Kanda Yuu smiled into the kiss._  
_

* * *

Can I say that I love writing arguments and a mad Allen? :D And I was debating so much about that kiss, but I thought that, well… heh. It was supposed to come much later, but I gave in to… uh… I don't know, actually. LOL Tim is barking at people playing bangra drums some gardens away! XD

These holidays are refreshing as hell. I can get away from some currently infuriating people now and have my alone time for writing and all that, which is why I have these 2 chapters for you.  
One of my friends got rejected by the new guy in my class (well, she does try to get with everyone… lol) and is using me as a support now, giving me her sob stories over MSN and all that. Blegh.  
Feezles was laughing her ass off at her misfortune because she's oh so sympathetic. But OMGWTF. I kid you not when I say that his personality is so Kanda that it's not even funny. Looks nothing like him, but… gee. He was so mean to me when I tried to say hi. He called me a midget (ok, he wasn't far off, I am only 5'2"), thought I was a boy and then told me I looked gay. Then he told me to fuck off and never talk to him again. Someone's gonna be popular. -_-;;

My school uniform really does nothing for a girl's figure, so maybe I did look a lot like a guy with my hair… but the disgusting maroon ties are great for strangling/whipping people with. Whipping as in not dirty whipping... most of the time. XD

Love you guys! Review if ya like, it's always nice to see some feedback if you'll give it. ;)

~Zaskaea *Who is so talkative it's not even funny. Curse these huge A/Ns! D:*


	12. Chapter 12: Questioning

I'm back with a big fat apology to you all. Sorry for the unfair wait. My life just decided to crash down on me and I needed time to get things back in order. Fanfiction was not my top priority in that time but now it's a fresh start for me in some way or another. Life can be shit. You've just gotta deal with it.

So. The summer break is over for me. Back to the high school drama, violating rules of every shape and form and people who are about twice your size even if they're three years below you. XD Also, the internet is back with me after my long time abroad.

Here we go.

**DISCLAIMER: Don't own.** Now that that's over, does anyone know why the hell I would find a souvenir store in the south of France that had flower fairy figures in one window and a massive selection of shuriken stars, katanas and throwing knives in the other? I don't. O.o

* * *

_Something just mended can break just as easily as something new._

_However, sometimes it just takes time to discover the new cracks._

_Is it too late?_

_...I like the rain. When nobody is there to see you, and when your own visage is frozen and cold… it will cry for you._

_And when you are alone, seeking a person to share your sadness… it will cry with you._

_And for those who are happy… they may dance in it._

It was a soft, summer shower. The raindrops were gentle as they hit the glass, collecting on the windowsill before dripping down to nurture the grass below. Behind this window in the warmth, kneeling on the edge of his unmade bed, Allen Walker touched his lips with a shaking finger.

His eyes were glazed; the colour grey had never been one that suggested life, but Allen Walker had always managed to make it shine. Now it was a flat, empty, half-lidded gaze.

Long, slender pianist's fingers clutched the end of a pillow, and Allen rested his head against the wall, feeling his long eyelashes brush the rough surface.

And then those steely eyes closed, once again concealing the confusion in their depths.

* * *

Kanda was hurting inside. It happened all the time. Just… nobody ever knew.

He was also afraid, fisting his hands in his loose hair so tightly that it was almost painful. _What did I do?_

Allen's gaze had been so lost, so confused when Kanda had struck him backwards. The boy had clearly been in disarray, mind still hazy with the after-effects of the special contact he'd just shared with the other. The rest was just a blur. It was just a blur until Allen's expression had turned to one of incredible hurt and the boy had run, run just like Kanda had told him to, out of the house and out of the Japanese male's sight.

And then Kanda had realised that he was frozen with his breath held, and he let himself slide down the back of his door and onto the waiting floor. It was cold beneath him.

Kanda could still feel it. He could still feel the moyashi's desperate hands pulling at his hair, those damn lips messily probing his own. _I shouldn't have let that happen, but now that it has I'm unbelievably screwed._

He couldn't think straight. He had to let out his anger. Unable to think rationally, Kanda grabbed the thing nearest to him on his bedside table and hurled it against the wall, not once wincing when it smashed against the hard surface. The remains of the cup fell soundlessly onto his sheets, blue on bleach white.

Kanda was afraid. The moyashi had struck him deeply, shocking him to a completely new level. The boy had given him hints, dammit, and so many of them too. Kanda tried to work out what the kid was thinking.

_I didn't even mean to help him, but… after it had happened once, it kept happening again. He told me that he was only sticking with me because I'd seen a side of him that he didn't want anyone else to know about. He lied, and he forgot to take it back._

_I can't take on this responsibility._

Kanda knew that he was seventeen, nearly eighteen, and that he had only kissed one person before in his life. Kanda paled. Oh, he knew…

_Alma ran away. He ran away because he didn't want what I'd given him. It hurt, it hurt so much. That's why I never tried again. I didn't bother, because I realised that if you become too close to someone and then you lose them… the wounds within may never, ever heal up again._

Then realisation hit Kanda with a blinding force. _Shit._

_I told the moyashi to get the hell out because then it would be just like before. He would run away and I'd be left alone again… and I did that because I haven't known it any other way._

_And now… for some reason… I don't feel right._

_Dammit!_

_It can't be, can it? Do I regret doing that?_

…

_I'm such an asshole._

_It was just a fucking kiss. Why should I care?_

… _Because I just do._

* * *

_I can still hear the rain. It's still crying, even though my own tears have run dry._

_But it's OK. I understand._

_I understand that I was quick to judge, and quick to break the little of what we had built. I'm sorry. I understand. I understand why you pushed me away. I don't want to hear anyone else, don't want to see them. They will see my sadness and ask me questions… and if they do, only you will be hurt. I don't want to hurt you. I hurt you enough already. _The wall was cold against Allen's face, chilling his head. He just had to calm down. He just had to believe that tomorrow he could say sorry and that tomorrow Kanda would forgive him, allowing the 'just be friends' rule to be set after that disastrous moment.

… _Who am I even kidding._

Lifting himself from the bed, Allen undressed, grabbing a towel from the drawer beside him as he removed his underwear. Wrapping the fluffy material around his waist, he entered the en-suite, not bothering to close the door as his room was already locked.

* * *

"LENALEE! HOW COULD YOUUU!"

Lenalee Lee looked up from her lunch, raising an eyebrow in a tired fashion. Her brother was often due to neurotic breakdowns involving her 'purity', but what could have happened now that they were alone? Deciding that this would, like every time, be a completely pointless scenario, the girl got up just as her paranoid brother came hurtling into the kitchen. Komui's expression was similar to that of a person who had just had a red hot poker stuck up their ass. "LENALEEE-" he began to wail, but Lenalee was faster.

"Brother! What on Earth is _wrong?_" the girl enquired, raising her voice in an attempt to silence her distressed sibling.

"Two of them! Two of the filthy, octopus-handed, clingy little-! Gyah! How could you!" Lenalee, completely confused by her brother's senseless ramble, prepared to lecture him once again.

"Komui-" She began, but then she was forced to stop. Oh. That was when Lenalee spotted her phone in Komui's hands, her inbox clearly visible on the screen. That… that just went too far. "BROTHER!"

"Who is he? Who is he? I will eliminate him! How dare he touch my beautiful-"

Lenalee snatched her phone away from her brother and scrolled down the screen hurriedly. Oh, for goodness' sake.

_Message From: Allen W._

_Are u sure? He'll probably kill us for this… but ok then. Meet at the café 7:00?_

Ugh. Lenalee had to admit that the ancient message could be taken the wrong way. 'He' could easily be Komui, and this could easily be a message planning a secret meeting they didn't want him to know about. "Komui!"

Finally, the man seemed to fall silent as he supported himself on a counter with a kicked-puppy expression. "Lenalee…" he whimpered, shaken by his sister's stern side. Said sister, however, showed no sympathy.

"This is NOT another boyfriend: I have Lavi and Lavi only." She clarified, jabbing her finger towards her phone. "Allen is just a friend of mine who I met up with a few d-"

"Whoever he is, I MUST meet him to MAKE SURE that he ISN'T one of those-"

_Clang!_

A chopping board to the head was enough to make even Komui shut up. Only, with Kanda, it was the clipboards that did it.

* * *

Allen had quickly come to realise that Lavi's house was full of the showers he liked best. Really, it was just a bath with a glass pane blocking any water that could be sprayed onto the floor, but… once this glass pane steamed up, it was as good a drawing surface as paper.

Allen sat in the tub, the showerhead held between his knees. His nimble fingers worked over the damp glass quickly, creating clear lines on the steamed-up surface. From those lines, the collected water ran down like teardrops, making the image appear as if it were bleeding around the edges.

Allen finally stood up, once again taking the showerhead into his hand. Setting it into the loop, he stood underneath the spray and sighed deeply. The water was hot, and it almost burned his skin, but the whitehead didn't mind. Allen was vaguely aware of how long his hair had become as the wet tips brushed his bare shoulders. He'd have to cut it to avoid the risk of Lavi marking him as a girl once and for all. It wouldn't exactly be ideal on top of the fact that Lavi believed him to be flaming gay (he was not flaming, just gay). Suddenly, an unwelcome thought crossed Allen's mind and he knitted his brows. Actually, his hair was fine as it was, because if people like Kanda had it long and could still…

Kanda. Allen groaned, pressing his palms into his eyes. _No self-pity, Allen Walker. Cut that crap._

_Go away._

_You thought I'd gone?_

_I made the only person who saw from all angles hate me in the space of a few minutes. I can't believe I did that. I don't even know __why __I did that. I've never met someone like Kanda before, so I have no idea of how to deal with him…_

Wondering for the hundredth time why most of the shower gels in Lavi's house stank overwhelmingly of coconut, Allen set the bottle aside after he'd emptied some into his open hand and spread it onto the flannel.

The shampoo was tea-tree. That would clash with the shower gel really badly.

_Yeah, distract yourself with stupid thoughts like that._

"I didn't do anything wrong!" Allen argued aloud, waving his arms around in frustration.

Then the water turned to liquid ice. "GYAAAAAAHHH!"

Allen stumbled out from beneath the flow, skidding to the opposite end of the bath as he hit its base. "SOMEONE TURN THE OTHER WATER OFF!" he yelled, grumbling as he began to feel the chills.

Somewhere in the distance, he could hear Lavi singing in French at a rather obnoxious volume. "Wha-oops! Could've said you were takin' a wash, moyashi-chan!"

"TURN IT OFF, DAMMIT!" Allen yelled in protest, making sure that Lavi could hear him through the door and over the sound of the shower.

Lavi was definitely on the right track to successfully winding the whitehead up. "What's more important? Hm… I wonder. Clean panties or frozen beanspr-"

"TURN OFF THE DAMN WASHING MACHINE! I HAVE SHAMPOO IN MY HAIR!" Said bean sprout objected loudly, pointing the showerhead away from himself and shivering as he began to sense the coldness in the air.

"'Kay,' kay…" Allen breathed a sigh of relief when the water grew warm again. "And anyways. What didn't you do wrong?" Lavi half-shouted through the door.

Allen froze. "Nothing happened." He snapped, feeling a small ache in his chest. Lavi, however, was quick to recognise his friend's slightly hurried answer.

"That's bull. I'm interrogating you after your shower."

Allen felt his heart begin to race with panic. "Lavi, there's no need-"

"Kanda's mum called. That's all ya have to know. After dinner I'm hunting you down."

… _Shit._

* * *

"Bookman, Allen's hammering the old piano to pieces."

"That old thing." Bookman grunted in a barely audible tone. "Get it tuned or throw it out."

"Bookmaaaaaan…!"

The old man looked up from his papers, fixing Lavi with a bored expression. "Yes?"

"Allen won't talk to meeee." Lavi whined, collapsing into a chair beside the table. "Do you think he's moody because I turned his shower cold?"

"You are an idiot." Bookman said plainly, not even bothering to look at the redhead this time. "Let Mr. Mikk do the interrogating. If he wants to be alone, then damn well let him be."

Lavi rested his head on the cold wood, listening to the amplified sound of Bookman's nails tapping the surface. "It's not hard to see that he's cracked."

"His surrogate father's death had more of an impact than we originally thought. He was just very good at hiding his feelings from us. Stupid boy."

"Oi…"

"Look what he's done to himself."

"Don't talk about Allen like that!" Lavi raised his voice, lifting his head and glaring pointedly at the old man across from him.

"Then I can lie to you like _he_ lied to you as well… if that's what you want."

"Bookman, Lavi?" All heads but one turned to the door, where Allen was standing with a melancholy expression, his eyes directed at the carpet instead of those seated at the table. "I'm not alright. I'm not alright at all. I did lie. I'm sorry."

"Allen, stop apologising!"

For some reason, Lavi's words made Allen's head jerk up, where his wide, grey eyes were finally revealed again. Confused, Lavi took his eyes off Allen's, looking over at Bookman with a long "Errrrr…" noise. Needless to say, the old man glared daggers at the young redhead.

It seemed that the young whitehead was ready to talk.

"Allen, first we'd like to know if Kanda is the reason for your sudden grief again; if he is, we have to talk to him about you. You don't have to tell us what happened if you want, but-"

"Kanda did what Kanda would have done in the situation I created. It's my fault; I was the one who got that reaction out of him."

"Allen, you're actually creeping me out. What's suddenly got you to talk, huh?"

Something quite solid impacted with Lavi's shin beneath the table. Allen watched with a cool expression as the redhead curled up onto the table in pain.

"It's my problem, I'll sort it out. I'm sorry for worrying you like this." The whitehead shuffled his feet and turned around, making to leave.

"Allen, did Kanda…"

"I was trying to fill in my own wishes. Either… either my assumptions were wrong or he's the same… like… something pushed him away from what he is."

"Allen, you're not making complete sense. Stop speaking direct thoughts and calm down."

"Allen, Kanda's mum said he's locked himself in his room and isn't even speaking to her in Japanese. That's kid behaviour. What the heck did you do to him?"

"What did_ I_ do to _him_?" Allen snapped suddenly, and Lavi grinned. _Bullseye._

"So this IS two sided?" he leered expectantly. For some reason, Bookman did not intervene this time.

"Kanda's an ass." Allen shot back, suddenly defensive and not at all collected. "And although I should have expected what he did, there were a lot politer ways of doing it."

_He's on a roll now. Keep going. _"So what DID he do?"

"He told me to get the fuck out of his house." _Oh, oh. _"So I did. I was still wearing his trousers, and that just tells me that he was seriously pissed off. Kanda wouldn't want a stupid beansprout dirtying his precious clothes."

"Eh, his trousers? Oh yeah, I-"

"I HATE THIS!" Allen suddenly burst out, clutching his head in his hands. "I know you're worried, and I appreciate your concern, but please! It's too much! I hate that I can't handle this! I hate how I've become like some kind of… problem for you all! Just stop it and get on with whatever else you have to be concerned about!"

"Allen-"

"Dammit, please. Leave me alone."

"Allen!"

"What happened to him?" Was the angry teen's unexpected response.

"What?"

"He was reacting. He was going along with it. He was most probably enjoying it. Only after it was over. Only then did it somehow click and he told me to get out. Only then! I'm not stupid. He did that because he felt he had to!"

"Hey, just calm it now…"

"Who told Kanda it's not OK to be gay? Who was it that he respected that much, the person who actually had some control over him to get something like THAT drilled into his thick skull? Why is he such an _idiot?_"

A silence of maybe five seconds allowed Allen to catch his breath. Lavi, on the other hand, was in total shock; Allen had never acted this way before. If he was being so vehement about something, he must be seriously fuming about it.

"I've talked now!" Allen tried his best not to become even angrier. "So leave me alone and stop worrying about me like I'm some child!"

Then the door slammed, and Allen left two quite wide-eyed males sitting still in their seats at the table.

"They were intimate." Bookman said offhandedly, looking back down at the page he'd stopped reading at. Lavi nearly gagged.

"That sounds kinda frightening coming from you, y'know."

"Cook some dinner, you fool."

"Kanda likes Allen."

"And I am greatly intrigued because…?"

"Talking to you sucks."

_Shit, Alma… What on Earth did you actually…_

* * *

Kanda spoke not a word during dinner, which just added to his mother's suspicion; he hadn't touched his soba either, and that was surely a sign of the apocalypse.

Hasuko sat opposite him with furrowed eyebrows, observing her son with a worried gaze. He had never been much of a big talker, but the nature of _this_ silence was unnerving.

"Allen Walker was his name, yes?" Hasuko asked tentatively, setting down her glass. "He seems to be a lovely boy."

Kanda's shoulders tensed, and Hasuko got what she's been looking for. "So your sulking is to do with Allen." She deduced, and Kanda cursed as he realised he'd fallen for her trap. "How unusual… you've never stressed yourself over someone else like this before."

"I don't want to talk about it." Was Kanda's curt reply.

"Of course you don't." his mother replied. "But I'm going to ask you anyway. What happened with you two upstairs?"

Kanda's head jerked up, and he stared at his mother in horror. Did she think that…?

"Well, you're a healthy teenaged boy. It's only natural."Hasuko practically read his mind, and Kanda glared at her.

"He doesn't matter."

"Yuu, I'm not stupid. Even if you actually don't like him, there's certainly a part of you that disagrees."

"Will you stop reading my fucking mind?" Kanda snapped, both as a warning and as a sort of confession. "This shit is getting ridiculous."

"Isn't it just?" Hasuko agreed, starting on her own soba again. Kanda did his best to contain his fuming anger; he couldn't snap on his mother.

"I suggest that you say sorry."

"What th-"

"Again."

Kanda, who had begun to stand, sank back down into his seat with a dire realisation. _This whole thing is about apologies. One after the other. When the fuck will we stop asking to be forgiven and just settle…?_

"I see you have understood a part of the problem."

"What do _you_ know about this?" Kanda argued against his mother's commentary, and she sighed.

"Very little… but Yuu, you forget that I'm your mother. I know a lot about _you_, even if you don't like that, and it's my duty to do things like this."

"It's your duty to fucking interrogate me?" Kanda was unnerved by his mother's calmness.

"Not quite, even if that's part of the solution. I want you to tell me right now what's on your shoulder."

The silence was short-lived. "The kid should stay the fuck away if he knows what's good for him."

"And why is that?"

_Because If I were Alma, and Allen were me… he would get very hurt should something go wrong. And with me, it most likely will, because I have no fucking clue about any of this type of stuff.  
_

"Yuu… how much do you really care about Allen?" Hasuko asked slowly, having caught the thoughtful expression on his face.

"Not enough to want to see the little shit again."

"Your lying skills have become considerably worse over the years, Yuu…"

"Che."

"And even if you don't go to him, I'm sure he'll come to you. And when he does, you will say sorry and stop the ridiculous little back-and-forth problem you two have."

"Back and forth problem?" Kanda asked coldly. Hasuko nodded.

"Yes."

"I don't-"

"What is it about friendship that you don't understand?" Hasuko asked despairingly, beginning to look genuinely sad. "Give the poor boy a chance… he seems so lovely…"

Kanda stalled. "Friendship? He wants more than just a fucking _friendship_!" he finally snapped. Pushing his chair back, he stood up quickly, his fringe falling over his eyes. "I'm surrounded by a bunch of fucking morons and none of you are helping!"

Doors slammed, and Hasuko Kanda was left alone at the dinner table, wiping the tips of her fingers delicately on her napkin.

"You must rekindle yourself with the emotions you chose to label as invalid." She said calmly, though nobody was there to hear. "They've built up rather a lot over the years, haven't they, Yuu…?"

* * *

The park was bathed in the soft orange light of the street lamps, and everything glistened with the damp lest by the earlier rain shower. Wind wove its way through the grass, causing it to rustle lightly in the breeze like a whispering mass of green. Mingling with the eerie sound was the noise of boots pacing on concrete, but as quickly as they had come they ceased.

A single figure was standing in the middle of the path, long trench coat too heavy to move be pulled along with the wind. Only the man's hair shifted a little.

The smell of tobacco wafted unpleasantly in the air as the man in the coat took a long drag of his cigarette; the smoke appeared like mist in the shine of the street lamps.

The light from the phone he switched on not a second later lit his face up horror-movie style, highlighting the dark scowl he wore. Finger moved noiselessly over the screen.

…

_Send._

* * *

Again, sorry. This chapter underwent a ridiculous amount of edits… and I'm still not happy with it. Ending it with Kanda and Allen completely wound up, however, is giving me a good motivation for the next chapter.

Unfortunately, this year is my heavy exam year, but I'll try to keep this going as well as I can anyhow.

Until next time. :) Review if you like.

~Zaskaea


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